Don't You Want Me, Baby?
by Exintaris
Summary: Story starts from the beach house weekend. Ross chooses Bonnie, not Rachel. What will Rachel do now? Chandler seems interested in Monica, but so are others. Whom will she choose? Warning: not for R&R or C&M fanatics.
1. Ross Makes A Decision

Don't You Want Me, Baby?

Author's Note: This begins at one of the crucial turning points in Ross and Rachel's relationship, at the very end of Series 3/beginning of Series 4, when Ross has to decide whether to enter Rachel's or Bonnie's bedroom.

Just in case anyone _doesn't_ know, the title is taken from the refrain of a well-known song by The Human League.

Disclaimer: The Friends characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment. I have drawn on some of the dialogue in episode 4,1.

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Chapter 1: Ross Makes a Decision

Ross stood irresolute in the passageway and did some serious thinking. Did he want to start again with Rachel, or did he want to carry on with Bonnie? Against Bonnie was her current baldness, which was undoubtedly a downer, but there was nothing else, really, except that he did sometimes wish her expressions of enthusiasm for sex and readiness to talk about her previous sexual career could be toned down just a trifle. But against Rachel was, first of all, the fact that it was thanks to her that Bonnie was bald. Further, this was not the first time she had tried to sabotage his relationship with another woman. He had realised, thinking it over, that she had done her best to prevent him making love with Julie. It had to be faced: she could be a malicious little bitch sometimes. He could not deny that he still felt a pull towards her, and it had been a definite thrill when she indicated that she still had feelings for him – and he _had_ enjoyed kissing her again, very much. But, but, but … would it be wise to reopen a relationship in which there would always be his night with Chloe there in the background, as a weapon for her to use against him? Despite her attractiveness, despite the long, long crush that he had had on her, despite their past, despite her expressions of feelings for him … perhaps it really was time to move on.

He sighed deeply and opened Bonnie's door, but to his surprise she was not there. What had happened to her? He instantly dismissed as ludicrous a momentary fear that she was with someone else. Joey and Chandler were playing some game with Monica, and while Phoebe could not be ruled out as a possible lover, given Bonnie's known tastes, she was out trying to break into the house of her mom's best friend. Nor had Bonnie come downstairs again; he would have seen her. Coming out slowly into the passageway again, he heard voices from Rachel's room. She must be in there, but why?

The answer became clear when he opened Rachel's door and there they were, Rachel rubbing ointment into Bonnie's scalp. Rachel darted a look full of hope at him; he tried to look neutral in reponse.

"There you are!" he said cheerfully to Bonnie. After a moment's thought, he added, "When you weren't in our room, I wondered where you went."

Rachel froze, her hands motionless on Bonnie's head. Her mouth opened a little, and her lips trembled as if she was about to cry. She drew a breath that was almost a sob. It was very painful for Ross to see, and he turned his head.

"You all right there, Rachel?" said Bonnie, sounding a little concerned.

"Y-yes, I'm, I'm okay," said Rachel haltingly, beginning to rub again. "I, I just thought of something sad all of a sudden, you know how you do, when your mind's wandering?"

"Sure," said Bonnie. "Well, that feels a lot better, thanks a million."

"Oh, y-you're welcome a million," said Rachel, her voice still a little shaky.

"Okay, lover, you ready for bed?" said Bonnie to Ross enticingly.

Ross nodded, unable to avoid grinning. "I'm ready."

"Good," said Bonnie with a wicked little smile. "G'night, Rachel."

"Night," said Rachel, sitting down on her bed.

As Ross followed Bonnie, he could not help looking at Rachel. He could only see her face in profile, but he was shocked by her look of misery.

"Rach …" he said uncertainly.

She turned to him, mouth tight and unsmiling, her eyes suspiciously shiny. "Go after her," she snapped. "Obviously you care more about her than me." She turned her face away again.

"I – " he began, but she hissed, "Get out!" fiercely, adding, "And for God's sake keep it down tonight!"

Looking a bit taken aback, he went. Only when she was sure that he was inside the other room and had closed the door did she finally fling herself down on the bed and give way to the tears that were aching to be shed. It had all been for nothing, then. She had come as far as she felt she could, she had opened her heart to Ross as much as she dared, and she had been rejected. What was she going to do now?

So powerful was her tearstorm that it was soon over, and she lay in a state of near exhaustion, hardly aware of her surroundings. But they came back into focus when she heard noises similar to what had kept her awake the previous night. Whatever Ross's intentions, they had not been proof against Bonnie's determination to let the whole world know she was enjoying herself. Overcome by a fit of rage, Rachel jumped up and started looking for pen and paper. She was going to relieve her feelings by writing Ross a letter. How dare he be kissing her one moment and making love to Bonnie the next, like it had meant absolutely nothing? How dare he give preference to an oversexed slut, who would probably be perfectly happy to sleep with the whole bunch of them, herself included? Suddenly energised, she began to scribble furiously. On and on into the night she wrote, covering page after page, only finally stopping and falling onto the bed, still fully clothed, when it was beginning to get light outside.

But she got less than three hours' sleep before the cheerful cries of Ross and Bonnie as they greeted the morning with more energetic lovemaking awoke her. Moaning, she put her pillow over her head and tried to ignore them and go to sleep again, but it was impossible. When they finally quietened down, her mind was racing,throwing up memories, thoughts, both remembered and imagined arguments with Ross. Eventually, groaning at the need for it – she never liked getting up in the morning – she hauled herself out of bed and went to the bathroom, where she spent so long in the shower that Monica banged on the door and asked if she had died in there. Quickly she towelled off and opened the door.

"Omigod, Rach, you look _dreadful_!" cried Monica, sounding very concerned, when she saw her. "So … no luck with Ross, then?" Her face was full of sympathy.

Rachel shook her head, just managing to suppress a desire to throw herself on Monica and weep on her shoulder. "He," she took a long breath, "he c-clearly prefers B-b-bonnie."

Monica shook her head in apparent exasperation. "How can he prefer that, that _floozie_ to _you_?"

Now Rachel did break down. Quickly Monica hustled her into her bedroom and onto the bed, where she folded her into her arms and let her cry on her shoulder, patting her back and muttering things like "There, sweetie, there" and "my poor Rachel" and "Get it all out" comfortingly. When she had regained some control over her voice, Rachel began to bring her up to date, though she kept breaking down. But by the time she had got through, she seemed to have cried herself out.

"Thanks, Mon," she said hoarsely, hugging her very hard. "You are the _best_ friend."

"You've seen me through things," said Monica, smiling at her. "Well, I'd like to get a shower now. After that, what say we throw some breakfast together and then go to the beach? It's a nice day."

Rachel heaved a great sigh, and tried to smile back. "Sounds like a plan," she said, making an effort to sound enthusiastic. Thinking about it as she went back to her own room, she realised that it would, indeed, be better for her to go to the beach than to sit moping in her room, and she found she was unwilling to give Ross the satisfaction of knowing that she cared so much.

As she dressed, her eye fell on the heap of paper on the table. She wandered over and looked at one page, then another. Then, feeling dismayed, she picked them all up and went through them fairly closely. Could she really have written this totally self-absorbed, self-pitying, repetitive, adolescent crap? She knew she had a right to feel aggrieved, but this was ridiculous. With sudden resolution she tore the pages through, needing to divide them in half to do it, then again, and continued to tear, working out her anger at herself as well as Ross as she created a heap of smaller and smaller pieces.

Monica came in just as she had decided that the was enough. "What're you doing, sweetie?" she asked curiously.

"Tearing up a letter I wrote Ross last night," said Rachel frankly. "I read it again, and, oh my God, I was so _whiny_, so 'how could you treat poor ickle me like this?' Ugh!!! It's time I grew up a little. I'm an adult woman, for Heaven's sake, with a responsible job that I like. I don't _need_ a man to define me."

"Yeah, that's the spirit," said Monica enthusiastically. "And, Rach, if I can just say something: don't give up on Ross yet. I cannot_ believe_ this thing with Bonnie will last."

Rachel hugged her. "Thanks for that, Mon, but Ross is gonna have to put in some work to get back in my good books. I mean, he's done things that got me feeling kindly towards him, like helping me to the hospital when I got hurt. But he has so thrown all that away by kissing me and getting me all hopeful, and then dropping me like a stone." She looked thoughtful. "I wonder if Bonnie knows he kissed me."

Monica looked at her worriedly. "Now, Rach, what was all that about growing up? It would be _childish_ to go and tell on Ross. You let him worry about that – and believe me, he will. He's a moral guy, really."

Rachel gazed at her with an obstinate expression for a moment; then her face relaxed. "Okay, Mon, maybe you're right. I promise I won't tell – unless she asks. Now let's get some breakfast. I'm starving."

As they assembled breakfast, Monica filled Rachel in on Phoebe's amazing discovery the previous night, that the woman she had thought was her mom's best friend was in actuality her true mom.

"She's pretty upset about it," Monica said.

Here was something to put her own troubles in perspective, Rachel thought. Suddenly she felt a rush of sympathy for Phoebe, constantly trying to find her family and constantly being frustrated. Better to have a mom like Monica's, better to have parents like her own who split up, than to find out that your mom had abandoned you at birth, when you already knew your dad had deserted you later. When Phoebe appeared, looking rather hollow-eyed, Rachel got up and went to give her a very warm hug, saying how sorry she was. Phoebe looked a bit surprised, but pleased. She was sympathetic when she heard Rachel's news in return.

"That's tough, Rachel," she said, "but you seem to be handling it well."

"You should have seen me before," said Rachel. "I nearly washed Monica away. But I'm all cried out now."

"All cried out?" repeated Chandler as he came into the living room with Joey. "Why, what's the matter, Rach?"

When she saw them looking at her with the same concern that Monica and Phoebe had shown, Rachel could not help feeling a lump in her throat. Her friends could be so good and supportive sometimes. She took a moment to compose herself before replying, and before she spoke Joey snapped his fingers.

"It didn't work out with Ross?" he asked.

Rachel did not quite trust herself to speak; she simply nodded.

"Gee, that's too bad," he said slowly, looking despondent. "It seemed so promising yesterday, I thought."

"Yeah," said Chandler. "Sorry, Rach."

"Okay, no more talk," said Monica. "They'll be down any moment, I bet. Say, do you all want to go to the beach when we've had breakfast? Rach and I were going to."

"Sure," said Joey eagerly. "I want to do some digging."

"No, I just wanna pack and get the hell out of here," said Phoebe morosely. "But don't let me stop you guys."

Just at that moment Ross and Bonnie made an appearance, and with the laudable aim of drawing attention away from Rachel, Joey began telling them about Phoebe, who looked just a bit irritated. But since Joey did not know all that much, she had to take over and was soon explaining everything, to loud expressions of amazement and sympathy from Bonnie and more restrained ones from Ross. Rachel found that she could just about bear to look at them when they were paying no attention to her, and got on with her breakfast unobtrusively. But finally Phoebe went upstairs, and Bonnie turned to her, looking concerned.

"Rachel," she said, "I got the idea from something Ross said that maybe we were … disturbing you? If so, I'm sorry. Ya know, I tend to get carried away when I'm with Ross." She grinned in a way obviously intended to be disarming.

"Well, okay," said Rachel, then groped for something more to say. "I can understand that," was all she could come up with. She let her eyes rest on Ross's face for a moment, then turned away, quickly drained her coffee mug, and got up.

"I think maybe I'll pack first, Mon, before we go to the beach," she said. "Then I won't have to do it when I'm feeling all lazy from lying in the sun."

"Good idea, sweetie," said Monica. "I think I'll do the same."

Rachel went towards the stairs without looking back, but even so she heard Bonnie say, in a low but urgent and so quite audible tone, "I thought you said you two were over!" She did not catch Ross's reply, if there was one, but she could not help smiling a little to herself. In a very minor way, she had had her small revenge, and the best part was, she had not planned it.

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What will happen at the beach – if anything? Remember, once the sequence of events in the series is changed, _everything_ can change.


	2. Rachel Surprises Everyone

Chapter 2: Rachel Surprises Everyone

Author's Note: Wow, I did something right (bar some matters of idiom – thanks, Helga, corrections installed). By which I mean, everyone seems to like it. Okay, I will confess that I have not made up my mind how this is going to turn out, but I _will_ bind myself to its not ending in an f/f relationship :). I may have done more than one of these recently, but I feel bound to point out, in fairness to myself, that I have _also _done a lot of m/f in my time – e.g. TOW All the Reversals, most of the different storylines in Suppose Things Had Gone a Different Way, while TOW Chandler Is King … and Entertaining Angels Unawares are _primarily_ m/f, and The Pursuit of Janice is about Joey chasing Janice, even if Monica and Rachel are a couple in the background.

I am sorry to discard the marvellous original scenes involving the jellyfish sting, but apart from anything else a little research on Google suggests that urine is not necessarily going to help much!

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Rachel lay on her back, eyes closed behind her dark glasses, and luxuriated in the sunshine. "You were right, Mon," she said lazily. "This is the greatest."

"Your aunt Monica is always worth listening to," said Monica with a certain satisfaction. She was in a similar position.

Chandler, who was lying between them and supposedly tanning his back, but in fact alternately feasting his eyes on Monica and Rachel, who was wearing a very brief bikini, produced an indecipherable but derisive-sounding noise.

"Got something to say there, Chandler?" Monica drawled.

Before he could reply, Phoebe called, "Hey there, guys!"

They sat up and turned to look. Looking very attractive in a loose sundress, and also seeming considerably more cheerful than she had been earlier, she was walking towards them, sandals hanging from one hand.

"Hey Pheebs!" they all replied, and Monica added, "So you changed your mind?"

"Yuh-huh," said Phoebe. "I felt Bonnie and Ross needed to have their fight out without the, like, inhibiting factor of my presence."

"They're fighting?" said Rachel in some surprise. "What about?"

"Well, _duh_," said Phoebe. "You of course. Bonnie doesn't believe it's as over between you as Ross seems to think."

"Yeah, you did that really well, Rachel," said Chandler admiringly. "Got him smack between the eyes."

"But, you guys, I wasn't _trying to get back at Ross or anything," Rachel protested. "It just … sort of happened like that."_

"Natural genius," said Chandler decidedly, lying down again.

"Yeah, that's what made it so believable," said Phoebe. "The way you looked at him seemed to come up naturally."

"Hey, Pheebs," Joey called, "come over and look at my hole."

Phoebe giggled. "You should be careful how you phrase things, Joey. Something like that could be misinterpreted." She walked over. "Wow, that's really deep, Joey," she said admiringly, as a wave swept in. "Where did you get the energy? Oh! OW! OW!!" She jumped back from the water.

"What's the matter, Pheebs?" Monica cried.

"Some crappy sea-monster has _stung me!" Phoebe cried. She began hopping round. "OW OW OW!!! It really _hurts_."_

Immediately Rachel jumped up. "Stay right there at the edge of the sea, Pheebs, and _don't touch it_!" she yelled, grabbing up the bag she had brought and running forward. "Someone find me a stick, or if you have a credit card about you, that could help."

"Whatever for?" said Monica in puzzlement as Rachel knelt down beside Phoebe, who had obediently frozen.

"To move away tentacles and stuff," said Rachel tersely. "Yeah, there's something there all right. Okay, Pheebs, put your foot down. First I'm gonna rinse it in seawater. Don't worry, I'll make sure there's no more jellyfish in the water."

Phoebe giggled a little, then sighed as Rachel ladled water over her foot. "It feels a little better already."

"Placebo effect, probably," said Rachel. "Someone's doing something for you, so you naturally feel better. Okay, has anyone found me anything? Come on, you guys, Phoebe's in pain here."

Wordlessly Chandler handed her a blackened stick. Very gently she scraped something off Phoebe's foot and flicked it to one side, then scraped over a whole area where welts were appearing, saying at the same time, "Right, Mon, there should be a little bottle of vinegar in my bag. Get it out and pass it to me."

Looking extremely impressed, Monica did so. Rachel discarded the stick, ladled some onto her hand and smeared it over the welts. Phoebe let out a sigh of what sounded like relief.

"It'll take a while for the pain to go away entirely," said Rachel authoritatively, "but that should feel better, eh Pheebs? Anyone got any cream with hydrocortisone in, something like that?"

"Will sun cream do?" asked Monica humbly.

Rachel shook her head. "Not unless it's a soothing lotion for sunburn."

"Oh, I've got some of that!" cried Monica eagerly. She rooted in her own bag and came up with a tube. Rachel immediately looked at the list of contents.

"Yeah, this should have some pain-killing effect," she said, and very carefully spread some on Phoebe's foot.

"Geez, Rachel, how did you know to do all that?" said Joey in amazement.

"I learned _all_ about treating jellyfish stings and stuff like that when we were out sailing with my dad," said Rachel. "He wanted to be sure we could look after ourselves at sea, as well as sail. I only got stung once, jumping into the sea when I was ten."

"Ooh, that certainly feels better," said Phoebe. "I can walk on it, I guess."

"There's no real hurry," said Rachel. "It would be best if you rested for a while."

"Okay," said Phoebe, sitting down by the heap of clothes and towels.

"I'm surprised you guys didn't get stung yesterday," said Rachel. "You were by some pier?"

"It's some distance away," said Chandler. He grinned. "So, um, Bonnie told you how her suit came off? She seemed quite proud of it."

Rachel grinned back. "Every now and then, you get a free look at some boobies, eh Chandler?"

"Yeah, how did Bonnie's compare to Rachel's?" asked Joey interestedly.

"Joey!" Monica yelled. "That's not nice."

"Actually, I'd be interested to know," said Rachel demurely.

Chandler looked embarrassed. "Well, um, it's some time ago since I, er, saw yours, Rach," he stammered, "and that was only very briefly. But my, um, impression is that hers were, um, more … prominent, but less … well shaped."

Rachel smiled and leaned over to pat his shoulder. "Very diplomatic."

"Rach, I saw once on the Discovery Channel that you should pee on jellyfish stings," said Joey in an enquiring tone.

"A lot of people say that," said Rachel, "but there's no agreement on whether it helps. It might do as a last resort, with ordinary jellyfish stings."

"Well, I have to say, I'm _most impressed," said Phoebe, smiling at Rachel. "If I ever go to sea, I'm _definitely_ taking you along, Rachel."_

There were murmurs of agreement from the others. Rachel shrugged modestly. "I'll say this for my dad, he might yell and scream, but you damn well learned what he wanted you to learn. Unfortunately, it's not a skill there's much call for. So, um, Pheebs, you say Bonnie and Ross were fighting about me … but how? Did she think he was still in love with me, or something?"

"Yeah, uh-huh," said Phoebe. "That was my impression. I didn't hear him, like, admit to having kissed you, but he did say that he had been feeling closer to you recently."

"You did make clear to her, when you set them up, that Ross and I had been going out for a whole year and were very close, didn't you?" said Rachel with a certain emphasis.

"Oh _sure_," said Phoebe. "Mind, I didn't say I thought you were lobsters, because I'm not so certain about that any more. But, yeah, she should know how things had been between you."

"Oh well, we'll just have to see how things develop," said Rachel. "Now, if you feel like walking back, Pheebs, we could put an icepack on your foot once we get to the house. That's another good thing to do as soon as you've cleaned up the sting area," she informed the others as she got up and began wrapping her skirt around her.

They nodded, seeming overawed by her wealth of knowledge. Phoebe also got up and took a tentative few steps. "It seems fine," she said. "Oh Rach, you're a real life-saver!" She grabbed her and gave her an enthusiastic hug.

"Okay!" said Rachel laughingly. "Now, I suggest everyone looks around _real_ carefully. There might be dead jellyfish in the sand that we've missed just by chance, and you can still get a sting from them."

"Yes, mom," said Chandler, and everyone laughed.

When they returned to the house, they found Ross sitting outside looking gloomy. "Bonnie took off," he said despondently, glaring at Rachel. She looked blithely back at him, refusing to accept blame. He had gotten himself into this situation; he was the one who had started the kissing.

Apparently recognising he was not going to get any reaction from Rachel, Ross asked the others, "So, anyway, how was the beach?"

"It was fine," Monica began, but Phoebe overrode her.

"I got stung by a jellyfish, but Rachel knew _exactly what to do," she said enthusiastically, "and now I'm feeling much better. If you ever get stung, Ross, you just go to Rachel. She'll have you feeling fine in no time."_

Joey began a dirty laugh, which he hastily suppressed when Ross, Chandler, Monica and Phoebe all gazed at him sternly.

"So what did you do, Rachel?" asked Ross, seeming interested despite himself.

"Rinsed with sea water, ensured all remains of tentacles and stuff were off, then applied vinegar," said Rachel. "I always carry some when I go to the beach. My dad taught me all that, as I was explaining to the others."

"Ah yes, the acid in the vinegar helps to deactivate the nematocysts – " Ross began, to be howled down by the others.

"Ross, they don't need to know _why it works, only _that_ it works," said Rachel gently. "Not that it does work on __all jellyfish anyway – but we're not likely to get the really vicious kinds up here."_

"Well, I think people should understand the scientific principles behind it," said Ross rather pompously.

"Ross, could you explain the scientific principles behind the way an automobile works?" said Chandler. "I mean, in _detail?"_

Ross looked a bit abashed and mumbled something.

"I thought not," said Chandler triumphantly. "So stop stealing Rachel's thunder. She was really on the ball there."

"Why, thank you, Chandler," said Rachel, pleased, while Ross scowled.

"Okay, let's load up and leave, folks," said Phoebe.

"Can't we eat something first?" Joey pleaded. "I'm hungry after all that digging."

"Yeah, that's not such a bad idea," said Monica. "It's a long drive, Pheebs, remember."

"What do you think?" said Phoebe to Rachel.

Slightly taken aback at being appealed to for a ruling, Rachel said, "A little food would go down well, I think."

"Okay, sure, we've got plenty of time," said Phoebe. "At the worst, we'll be going in to New York when everyone else is coming out."

On the way home, Rachel realised that she was feeling surprisingly light-hearted. Although she was sitting in the front, at Phoebe's insistence, she was only too conscious of Ross's glowering presence behind her, but it didn't really bother her. In part she was distracted by Phoebe's enthusiastic questions about every aspect of sailing. Answering these brought back good memories, of times when everything had gone well, her dad was in a good mood, and she and her sisters had frolicked happily on and off the boat with their mom. But there was more to it, as she perceived when Phoebe had to concentrate on the traffic more and she got time to think. She had shown herself competent in a field that even Monica knew nothing about, and her friends had admired her for it. In particular, she valued Phoebe's generous approval, for she had often got the impression that, while liking her, Phoebe did not have too high an opinion of her brains or competence at anything.

Also, she had to admit to a strange feeling of liberation, that derived from the loosening of the ties that had made it so hard for her to move on from Ross. Even though she had not, in fact, made a final decision to do so, she no longer felt bound to him in the way that she had, so that she either felt guilty if she went out with anyone else, or did it deliberately to spite him. It was a weird thing to think, but she actually felt rather grateful to Bonnie, for being so attractive that Ross had been forced to make a decision between them. She wondered whether he was regretting it now.

"You know something?" she said to Phoebe suddenly. "I'm actually feeling like I'm energised for work on Monday. It was a good break, despite everything."

"Yeah," said Phoebe, glancing at her with a small smile. "We both found out something that we needed to know, even if it hurt." She looked in the mirror. "Well, isn't that cute? They're all asleep, like a bunch of tired kids. Is Monica asleep too?"

Rachel looked to her left. "Yup."

"So we can talk about them," said Phoebe in a pleased tone. "Hey, do _you_ think Chandler is seriously coming on to Monica?"

"He certainly seems to have this obsession about her not thinking him boyfriend material," said Rachel. "Which I don't think is fair, myself. What do you say, Pheebs?"

"Mmm," Phoebe went in a judicious way. "Well, he's good-looking, and smart, and he can be good company. But, oh man, his hangups … and his issues with relationships …"

"Yeah, and the way he has this compulsion to joke all the time," Rachel threw in. "And sometimes his jokes are _not kind."_

"No," said Phoebe.

There was a pause, and then Rachel came out with something that had often occurred to her. "Isn't it strange, how he and Joey get along so well, when they're such different characters? It's like they're brothers."

"They're closer than brothers," said Phoebe seriously. "It's a relationship that's good for both of them … for now. But the longer it goes on, the more they'll be spoiled for anyone but each other, and yet … they'd never take it to the logical conclusion."

"Which is?" said Rachel, highly intrigued. 

"Use your brains, Rach," said Phoebe kindly. "A gay partnership, of course,"

"But … they'd never do _that!" said Rachel in amazement. "I mean, no way is Joey gay! Look at all his women. Chandler, maybe, deep down, but not Joey!"_

"A shrink might say, his, like, _continual girl-chasing is a way of hiding his being gay, and his attraction to Chandler, from himself," Phoebe said. "Whereas Chandler has always been wanting to get into relationships with women."_

"But Joey's been in love with a woman," Rachel protested. "With that Kate girl, if no one else. And he was chasing girls from high school on, before he'd ever met Chandler."

Phoebe inclined her head. "Good points. But anyway, even if he is, deep down as you put it, it will likely never happen. Which is a pity, because they'd make a great couple." She glanced in the mirror. "Oh oh, looks like Chandler's waking up," she hissed. "Better drop this. We'll have to talk about someone else."

"Well, it can't be Joey, when Chandler's listening," Rachel muttered.

"How about Mon, is she still asleep?" Phoebe asked, still quietly.

Rachel looked to her left again. Monica certainly _looked asleep, slumped back with her mouth open, but something made Rachel suspicious. In her experience, people who slept with their mouth open snored more often than not – as Joey was doing right now, in fact. A smile appeared on her face as she thought of a way to test it._

"Oh Pheebs, take a look!" she said in a normal voice. "Her mouth's wide open. Have you ever seen anything so ridiculous?"

Monica's mouth shut with a snap.

"Gotcha!" cried Rachel delightedly, and she and Phoebe burst out laughing. Monica opened her eyes and smiled at them ruefully.

"How long have you been awake, Mon?" Rachel asked.

"Long enough," said Monica.

"So you wanted to hear what we might say about you, eh Mon?" said Phoebe teasingly. "You should remember the old saying, listeners never hear any good of themselves. Not that that's _always true."_

"No, you were sort of kind to Chandler, really," said Monica. "Kinder than I'd have been, maybe."

Chandler made an indecipherable noise in the back, then rather phoney coming awake noises.

"Hey there, beautiful dreamer!" said Phoebe. "Have a good nap?"

"Oh, fine," said Chandler casually. What none of the women realised was that he had been awake almost throughout Phoebe and Rachel's conversation about him, certainly for all the part concerning him and Joey. He looked at the still slumbering Joey beside him. Could Joey really have feelings for him? It seemed hard to believe, and yet … 

"Here's a pretty mess!" he said to himself, consciously quoting from _The Mikado_, much of which had got stuck in his brain since a production at his high school when, to his eternal shame, he had been chosen as one of the female chorus.


	3. A Whole Lot Of Talk

Chapter 3: A Whole Lot Of Talk

Author's Note: If anyone complains that Rachel is not like she is the series, well, if Joey can change (later on) into someone who really falls in love with Rachel, why can't she change earlier (as in real life she would almost certainly do), especially under the impact of a major emotional shock?

-----

For the rest of the journey home they talked about less intimate matters. When Phoebe dropped the others outside Central Perk, she said that she would go home to shower and change, and then swing by the apartment in the evening.

"I'm not done with you yet," she said, beaming at Rachel. "I find all this about your childhood, like, _fascinating, and I want to hear more."_

Once she had pulled away, Rachel rolled her eyes at Monica. "It sounds like Phoebe wants to live the childhood she should have had through sucking me dry of memories," she said a bit grumpily.

"Indulge her a little, sweetie," Monica said. "She had a hard time in her teens, remember, and maybe earlier, I guess."

Rachel's face relaxed. She nodded, and smiled a little at her friend. "Yeah, I guess I can indulge Pheebs for a while."

As soon as he had got out of the cab, Ross had taken out his cellphone, evidently to contact Bonnie. Now his voice rose.

"Bonnie, I _swear_ there is nothing between me and Rachel any more," he almost shouted. Looking around frantically, his gaze fell on Rachel. "Here," he said fiercely, thrusting the phone at her, "_you_ tell her."

"Me?" said Rachel in a near-squeak, so surprised that she had taken the phone before she knew it. Seeing Ross looking at her with a very earnest, almost pleading expression, she didn't have the heart to refuse him, and reluctantly lifted the phone to her face.

"Um, um, hi Bonnie," she stammered. "Okay, you, you wanna know, is there something between me and Ross? Well, well, here it is, here's the deal …" she paused, quite uncertain what to say next.

"Come on, Rachel, spit it out," said Bonnie impatiently. "Look, I'll help you. Do you want Ross back?"

"N-no," said Rachel hesitantly, then, more firmly, "No." This might not be the whole truth, but she certainly wasn't taking him back as things stood.

"Okay … but did you?" Bonnie pursued.

Rachel felt her cheeks begin to colour. "Um, um, sort of," she said. "I mean …" She looked up, feeling Ross's gaze upon her. "Will you _not_ listen in?" she snapped. "This is _private_, between me and Bonnie."

Looking affronted, Ross moved away.

"That's telling him, Rachel," said Bonnie in an amused tone. "Well, what were you going to say?"

"I, um, was considering it," Rachel said, "and I sort of gave him some encouragement."

"What kind of encouragement?" said Bonnie, her voice suddenly harsh.

Rachel took a deep breath. "Hear me out on this, Bonnie, okay? No interruptions till I'm done. Well, I sort of admitted I still had feelings for him when we were at the beach house, that night after I had, um, encouraged you to shave your head, and I was hoping that he would …" Her voice suddenly failed. Reliving this was more painful than she had expected.

"Take your time," said Bonnie more gently. "I'm listening."

Rachel took another breath. "I was h-hoping he would come to my room that night. But when he did come in, he m-made it clear that," she paused and swallowed a sob, "he had been to your room first. So, he had made his choice. He chose you," her voice trailed away into a near-whisper, "not me."

There was a pause, while Rachel fought to control herself. It should not hurt so much, she thought – but it did. Then Bonnie said, softly, "I see. That explains why you seemed suddenly so upset." Her voice strengthened. "Rachel, I really appreciate your honesty on this, and I won't forget it. Will you, could you bear to answer one more question?"

"Okay," said Rachel, who by now was feeling rather drained.

"Did you encourage me to shave my head in the hope that Ross would … go off me?"

Cheeks hot with shame at what now seemed a cheap trick, Rachel bowed her head. "Yes," she almost croaked. "I'm … I'm sorry, Bonnie."

To Rachel's surprise, Bonnie laughed. "Don't worry about it. It was a neat idea, and after all, it didn't put him off _permanently, did it  – though he did want the light out! Okay, Rachel, don't be afraid I'll bear you a grudge, because I won't. It seems to me that you're the loser here, big time. At least you have one consolation: you won't have to cope with Ross popping up at Bloomie's every five minutes to see who you're going to seminars and presentations with, and stuff like that."_

This surprised a laugh out of Rachel. "You know about that?"

Bonnie sighed. "Rachel honey, I know _all about Ross and you, and Ross and Carol, and Ross and who-all else. You know Ross. He'll _never_ admit he was in the wrong, he _always_ has to justify his actions, and so he _keeps_ raking over the past – doesn't matter how long ago it was. It's one of his most irritating characteristics." Her voice suddenly took on an intimate tone. "You know what I think? Even if you _were_ on a break, he shouldn't have done it, if he cared about you at all. Now, can you pass me back to him?"_

In a daze at the knowledge that Bonnie actually sympathised with her, Rachel passed the phone back to Ross without saying a word, then turned to Monica, who was looking at her rather anxiously, and gestured. They moved away.

"Bonnie thinks I was in the right!" she said excitedly. "She thinks Ross shouldn't have gone with Chloe. She was sort of nice to me. Maybe I won't hate her after all."

"That's good, sweetie," said Monica approvingly. "I think you handled that pretty well, especially seeing how Ross dumped it in your lap like that. Now, shall we go to the apartment and unpack?"

Rachel nodded. Even unpacking was preferable to hearing Ross express increasingly loving feelings towards Bonnie, with whom he was clearly becoming reconciled.

Later, as they relaxed with a cool drink after unpacking, she said to Monica, "You know what? I feel really strange."

"Strange how?" said Monica, raising her eyebrows in curiosity.

"Sort of … free," said Rachel. She struggled to find words to explain how she was feeling. "I've spent all this time either being with Ross, or trying not to think about him, when actually I was thinking about him all the time. And now it's like … because he's decided we can't work, knowing he feels like that has taken a whole lot of weight off of me. I can still meet him as a friend, but I won't be all the time obsessing about what he's feeling, and what I'm feeling, and all that."

"Well, maybe he'll be feeling more friendly towards you anyway, now the thing with Bonnie seems on again," said Monica.

"Yeah," said Rachel. "But, you know, Mon, I can't see how he can be lastingly happy with her, or she with him. I guess he sees sides of her that we don't, but he is _so_ not the kind of guy that you'd think would attract her."

"Well, sweetie, some people might say the same about you," said Monica. "I mean, let's face it, you're no intellectual."

Rachel pulled a face. "Yeah, that was a side of Ross I found hard to take. He _would_ talk about these things like they were _really_ important – but he wouldn't show the tiniest bit of interest in _my work!"_

Monica hid a smile. In a way, Rachel was right. Ross often expected more of others than he gave; their parents had almost encouraged this attitude in him. But most people would think that studying the past, even the incredibly remote past of the dinosaur age, was more important than fashion. Still, Rachel deserved some support at the moment. Whatever she said, her emotional state was likely to be very rocky for a while.

"Well, at least you don't even have to try to get him interested now," she said lightly. "You should get Phoebe to listen to you on fashion, in exchange for telling her about sailing and high school and stuff."

Rachel grinned. "Hey, that's not a bad idea." She smiled at Monica, grateful for her unstinting support. "You know, Mon, I don't say this often enough, but I do _like_ living here with you. This apartment feels more like home to me now than my parents' house."

Monica felt very touched, and would have gone over to hug her, but the door opened and Chandler and Joey walked in without knocking, as usual.

"Hello children," said Chandler. "All ready for the return to the world of work tomorrow?"

Monica pulled a face. "Speak for yourself. I have no job, and none in sight, even."

"Aw, poor Mon," he said in rather overdone sympathy. "Phoebe would probably say, you're working off bad karma for refusing to take me seriously."

"My run of bad luck started long before this weekend," Monica replied lightly. She seemed to be making a joke of it, but Rachel saw the pain in her eyes and felt mad at Chandler.

"Would you drop it, Chandler, for Heaven's sake?" she said. "If you just have to hit on someone, I'm free."

"All I want," said Chandler a bit huffily, "is for Monica to admit that she _could_ take me seriously as boyfriend material. I mean, other women have."

"Janice!" Monica scoffed. "Joanna!"

Rachel could not help smiling – Chandler did seem to have an attraction for rather strange women – but any comment she might have made was forestalled by Phoebe's arrival. She was looking fresh and attractive, and when she took her coat off her dress was one that they had never seen before. It was mid-calf length like most of her clothes, but figure-hugging, in a nice blue colour that matched her eyes.

"Wow, Pheebs, great dress!" Rachel said in genuine admiration. "How come you've never worn this where we could see it?"

"Well, I bought it, and then I, like, didn't have the nerve to wear it," said Phoebe. "Until now."

"So is it for a hot date?" said Joey interestedly.

Phoebe shook her head. "No such luck, unless you count Rachel." She turned to her smiling. "I want you to come eat with me, so we can talk without boring the others."

"Well, er, thank you, Pheebs," said Rachel, rather surprised. "But, um, couldn't Mon come too? I mean, she was like my best friend all through school."

"I've heard a lot of her school memories, but okay," said Phoebe. "Yeah, let's have a girls' night out and get away from the guys for once."

"Great!" said Monica with conviction. "Chandler will have to hit on Joey, for want of anyone else," she added with a wicked grin.

Everyone laughed except Chandler, who threw his hands in the air.

"All right, all right!" he said. "I keep saying, I'm _not_ intending to hit on you, but okay, forget it. Where's Ross?"

"Probably out with Bonnie," said Rachel. "They were patching it up when we last saw him."

"You're being too modest," said Monica. "Ross totally put her on the spot," she explained. "He asked her to tell Bonnie over his cellphone that there was nothing between them!"

The others gasped.

"And she was really honest. Okay, she didn't mention the kissing, but she admitted everything else, even encouraging Bonnie to shave her head. Luckily, Bonnie took that well. Anyway, as a result, Bonnie's surely back with Ross now."

The men looked at Rachel with sympathetic expressions, and Phoebe with considerable approval. "That was a _good thing to do," she said emphatically. "Rachel Karen Green, I'm proud of you. You're _growing_." Joey and Chandler added assenting murmurs._

Rachel felt a little glow. It was nice to be approved of as having done something good.

"Yeah, Bonnie's not so bad, really," she said. She was going to go on to cite Bonnie's support of her point of view in the great "on a break" controversy, but Monica evidently guessed this and shook her head at her violently, so she dropped the idea. Phoebe clearly noticed, but did not comment, saying instead, "You know, Rachel, if you can put aside your, like, natural prejudice, you'll find Bonnie is great fun."

"But, Phoebe, she has sex on the brain!" Monica protested. "She can't talk about anything else."

"I don't think her brain is the relevant organ," commented Chandler, causing Joey to guffaw and the girls to snicker.

"Maybe she does come on a bit strong," said Phoebe, "but it's only when she's with guys. We talk about all kinds of things when we're on our own."

Here was a point of view that had never really occurred to Rachel before, that people that they knew primarily because of their connection to one of the group might seem quite different in another context. This started her thinking. What did she really know about Joanna her boss, or Sophie the apparently downtrodden secretary, come to that? Were they actually playing a little game that Rachel was not let in on? And what about Janice? From what Chandler said, she was much the same with him on his own as she was when in the company of the group, and yet … he had fallen in love with her over the internet. She remembered Phoebe telling her and Monica how Janice had been taking Chandler on a virtual tour of the Guggenheim, hand in hand. Who knew that Janice was interested in art?

It struck her suddenly that there might even be something to be said for the dreaded Chloe. After all, she had not gone to bed with Ross to spite Rachel. The way he told it, she had not really known about Rachel until they had got to bed, though she had surely known that something major was bothering Ross.

"Rach!" said Monica insistently. "Hello, earth to Rachel, come in, please! Phoebe and I want to know where you'd like to go eat."

Rachel started out of her meditations. "Oh, uh, sorry, I was thinking," she said apologetically.

"Wow" said Chandler lightly. "Newsflash: today Rachel Green engaged in an act of thought."

This time no one else laughed. Rachel pulled a face at him, and found what she felt was a good response.

"And you're surprised Mon won't take you seriously? Chandler, until you stop putting people down all the time, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously? I mean, did you do that to Janice?"

Chandler's face showed what looked like pain. "Not after the first time or two. She took it too much to heart. But look," he went on with desperate sincerity, "it was only meant to be a silly joke. I wasn't out to _really_ put you down, Rachel. I wouldn't do that to _you_." Suddenly he was looking directly into her eyes, and she was startled to see the real warmth in his expression.

"Yes, well, um, okay, hold the jokes," she said, feeling rather flustered. She coughed and turned to Monica and Phoebe. "So, um, what ideas did you come up with?"

A brief exchange of views had them agreeing to go Italian, and within half an hour they were off. Rachel was rather relieved to be away from the unsettlingly admiring looks that Chandler kept giving her, to an extent that the others had noticed.

"Do you think he's gonna, like, transfer his affections to you?" said Phoebe mirthfully. "That'll take the heat off of Monica."

Though she laughed, Monica felt secret dismay. For all that she loved Rachel, she did not want Chandler to get involved with her. She felt that Chandler was _her_ special friend.

-----

"So, Rachel, huh?" said Joey to Chandler when the girls had left. "You're actually gonna make a move on her? How d'you think Ross will like that?"

"Ross has no right to any say in the matter," said Chandler rather hotly. "He made his choice. He can't put Rachel off limits to the rest of us."

"Well, what about Monica?" said Joey. "You're giving up, just like that?"

"Joey, I _wasn't_ trying to get Monica to be my girlfriend," said Chandler, wondering why everyone was finding this so hard to accept. "I just wanted her to agree that the idea of my being her boyfriend was not totally ridiculous, as she seemed to suggest."

Joey frowned. "But, you know, Chandler, it's like … they're our sisters. I can't feel about them like they're girls you would date."

"Why not?" said Chandler I some surprise. "I mean, Ross could feel that way about Rachel  – and you've tried to see more of them than you should, more than once."

Joey grinned and ducked his head. "Yeah, but … that's just fooling around. And with Ross there was this whole history of wanting Rachel, and I think they're like, what is that thing people say … the exception that proves the rule," he produced triumphantly.

"Well, all I can say is, I could easily get interested in Rachel, especially now she's getting more mature," said Chandler. "And that's all I'm gonna say, for now." He was silent for a moment, looking thoughtful. "So you see the girls as sisters, eh Joe?" he continued. "I'd have thought you had enough sisters already."

"Well, yeah," said Joey, grinning. "They're kinda different from my real sisters, but that's how I feel about them."

"So, do you see me and Ross as like brothers?" Chandler said. A close observer would have noticed a certain tenseness in his posture.

Joey looked thoughtful, then nodded. "Yeah, in a way. But Ross is the older brother who's always on your tail for something – not that he is, really, but he gives off that kind of vibe. You're like the brother I always wanted, the one to hang out with and do stuff with. It's not so easy for a guy, you know, growing up in a house dominated by women. I really did want a brother, lots of times."

Chandler had totally relaxed. Joey had not even hesitated in the way he referred to their relationship. Phoebe must be misreading him: he just wanted a brother, and Chandler fitted the bill. "Thanks, Joe," he said. For a moment they smiled at each other, then looked away, feeling obscurely embarrassed.

"So, do you wanna go out and grab a pizza, maybe a beer or two?" said Chandler. "Or shall we order stuff in and get a video to watch? My treat."

"Aw Chandler, you don't have to do that," Joey protested.

"I feel like it," said Chandler. "That break really set me up."


	4. A Little Kissing

Chapter 4: A Little Kissing

Phoebe sat back in satisfaction after having consumed a large portion of spaghetti with pesto sauce, washed down with more than one glass of a nice Italian red. She was continuing to enjoy grilling Rachel about all aspects of high school life, and had got onto cheerleaders.

"So here are all the cutest girls in the school dancing about together?" she said. "Man, I wonder how the guys can concentrate on their games."

"Well, cheerleaders don't do stuff all the time," said Rachel. "And the jocks are so often in love with their own selves that they don't notice the cheerleaders much. Or they get to thinking that they must be really someone, because the whole school's cheering them on, and that the cheerleaders sort of belong to them as of right. I had to knock that idea out of one or two guys' heads."

"She used to be really tough, when she wanted to be," said Monica. "Just out of curiosity, Rach, where did that girl go?"

Rachel grinned slightly, then looked pensive. "I do wonder sometimes. When I think about it, it's like, God, was I really so confident then? Well, I guess having Chip Matthews desert me for Amy Welch at the Prom shook me up some, and then at the U, all of a sudden I wasn't so hot and it _mattered_ that my work was poor." Her face took on a rather wistful look. "Let's talk about something else."

"Oh, but Rach, you were so confident today!" Phoebe enthused. "I was so impressed!"

"Yeah, so was I," said Monica, "and I'm sure, if we saw you at work, that would impress us too."

Rachel's face became more cheerful, but there was still an air of discontent about her. "Well, I like to think I do a good job, but between you and me, Joanna's not very efficient, and she keeps making Sophie so nervous that she makes mistakes. So we don't function too well as a team."

"Never mind, Rach," said Phoebe rather boisterously. "It has to be better than waitressing. So, anyway, did all you cheerleaders take showers together?"

Rachel looked a little embarrassed. "Well, yeah, we did – "

"That must have been something to see!" cried Phoebe with maximum enthusiasm. She was beginning to seem a little drunk. "All those cute little asses bobbing about, especially yours. You have a very fine ass, Rachel, did anyone ever tell you?"

Rachel looked at Monica in alarm. It really seemed like Phoebe was coming on to her. But Monica simply smiled back blandly.

"Well, it has been admired," said Rachel, striving for a light tone. "And not just by men. I got hit on by lesbians a couple of times at the U. But they didn't interest me."

"C'mon, you mean you've never wondered what it might be like with a woman?" said Phoebe incredulously.

"Oh sure, I've wondered," said Rachel. "But to tell you the truth, Pheebs, I've never been able to picture it without feeling a bit freaked, or falling about laughing. It's not something I think I could ever take seriously. I mean, I only made out with my sorority friend Melissa that one time because I was drunk – we both were. And eventually I thought it was silly, and we stopped."

"So you got nothing out of that?" said Phoebe, so intent that Monica looked at her in some surprise.

"It was nice enough, but it didn't really turn me on, if that's what you mean," said Rachel dismissively.

Phoebe leaned back again. For a moment there was a hint of something in her expression that Rachel could not place: was it disappointment? But she was not going to put Phoebe on the spot by asking what this was all about. She hoped, if Phoebe had been coming on to her, that she had got the message. Rachel had nothing against lesbians, but she honestly did not think she was interested.

Monica had been watching with a degree of amusement. Long ago Phoebe had come on to her too, rather more openly in fact, but she had managed to turn her down politely and Phoebe had taken it well and never referred to it again. It was strange that Phoebe should sometimes behave like this, when she so frequently showed interest in men, but then it was difficult to get to the bottom of Phoebe. She must be genuinely bisexual, like Bonnie; perhaps that was how they had met, even. It was something of a relief that Rachel was evidently not interested. She had never imagined that she was, but then, in her present emotional state, she might have been willing to consider advances from someone who was already a close friend, like Phoebe. Monica did not think she could have handled Rachel having a relationship with a woman, even Phoebe.

She looked at her friend, who was now paying attention to her food again. She had ordered osso buco, a rich and sustaining dish, to cheer herself up, as she had said, and she certainly seemed to be enjoying it. It seemed a propitious moment to do a little digging, since Phoebe's interest in high school seemed to have temporarily dried up.

"So, Rach, how are you feeling about attracting Chandler's attention?" she said in an intentionally jokey tone. "If you and Ross really are over, you won't have to look far for the next man."

"Do you really think he's interested?" said Rachel, looking as if she genuinely wanted to know.

"Oh, I think he is," said Phoebe brightly. "He was looking at you in the apartment like you were, oh, I don't know, one of those Baywatch babes."

"Well, I guess Rachel could do well on Baywatch, with all that sailing experience," said Monica teasingly.

"Yeah, run, Rachel, run!" cried Phoebe, who seemed to be in an increasingly boisterous mood.

Rachel grinned at them. "Yeah, Chandler's never looked at me that way before, except that time after he accidentally saw my boobs, and he soon got over that."

"Mmmm … I wonder what it would be like dating Chandler," said Phoebe musingly. "I mean, some women certainly seem to like him just fine, like that Aurora person, for instance."

"Not to mention Janice," Monica put in slightly maliciously, "and Joanna."

Phoebe ignored her, though Rachel grinned. "Then there was that Dutch girl, when we were playing football," Phoebe went on. "I guess he's not so hard to take."

"Come on!" Monica cried. "Dating Chandler would be like … dating your brother!"

"Ah well, I never had a brother, so I wouldn't know," said Phoebe.

"Neither did I," said Rachel quietly. "Okay, Phoebe, you talked me into it. If he asks me for a date, maybe I'll give him one. To tell the truth, I'm kinda curious too."

Monica found herself pulling a face in dismay, and hastily smoothed out her expression. Why was this bothering her so? If Rachel had announced her intention of going out with Joey, would she have felt the same? Of course not, she answered herself. That would obviously be just for fun. You certainly couldn't take Joey seriously, and he wouldn't want you to. But Chandler was not like Joey that way. He broke it off with Aurora because he didn't just want casual sex. And he certainly wouldn't expect that with Rachel, if she read him right. He would look at her seriously, with those great blue eyes, and smile in the way he had, and … Monica gasped as she realised the truth. Despite everything she had said, she had developed feelings for Chandler. And now what was she going to do? She seemed to have put him off so successfully that he had given up and was turning to Rachel instead. And Rachel was her best friend: how could she deny her this chance of happiness?

She felt eyes on her, and looked up to meet Phoebe's gaze. Phoebe's face was serious. She nodded once, and mouthed, "Don't worry." Aloud, she said, "Well, I guess things will sort themselves out, like this Ross and Bonnie thing."

Rachel looked up. "How do you think that will go, Pheebs? I mean, Bonnie's your friend, you know her best."

Phoebe shook her head. "It's too early to say, but … she's never had a very long relationship while I've known her. Ross would have to be very special to hold her interest for long."

Rachel nodded, her face sombre. "I thought he was, once." She wiped away a tear.

"Oh sweetie!" cried Monica, very touched. "Does it hurt so much still?"

Rachel sighed. "Sometimes it comes back." She picked up her wine glass and drained it. "Let's talk of something else. Phoebe, you sort of got together with your birth mom Phoebe, didn't you? What's she like?"

-----

Ross and Bonnie were having a late coffee in Central Perk, feeling very relaxed and happy after an ecstatic reunion in Ross's apartment, during whose later stages they had demolished a large pizza with great appetite. Bonnie was wearing a colourful knitted cap.

"You know, Ross," she said thoughtfully, "Rachel has really been handling this quite well."

"Oh yeah?" said Ross. "Persuading you to shave your head isn't behaving well, in my book."

Bonnie laughed. "I'm sorry it freaks you out so much, but I do find it kinda neat not to have to bother with a lot of hair. Would you mind if I just kept it very short?"

"No, that would be okay," said Ross. "It's just … none at all …" He shuddered.

Bonnie took his hand. "I'm sorry, I should have asked you first. I promise I'll keep my head covered until some grows back."

"I guess a full head of hair must seem a burden, if you've spent a long time without any," said Ross. "But I thought your hair looked beautiful."

Bonnie smiled at him. "We can discuss the best compromise look, when there's something there again to discuss." She squeezed his hand. "Ross, I'm so glad we're back together, and sorry that I doubted you. But the way Rachel looked at you …"

"Um, well, yeah," Ross stammered. "I, I wasn't really aware that she still felt for me to that extent. Look, I, I need to go the bathroom, and then … what say we go back to my place?"

"Ooh yeah!" said Bonnie, her eyes lighting up. "Hurry back, lover."

Ross had barely left the table when Bonnie noticed that the rather strange manager guy Gunther, who never seemed to leave the place, was hovering nearby.

"Er, could I ask you something?" he said shyly.

"Sure," said Bonnie.

"Are Ross and Rachel over, would you say?"

Bonnie laughed. "Well, I certainly _hope_ so. I'm his girlfriend now."

Gunther smiled ruefully. "Yeah, that could have been better put. What I'm really interested to know is whether she's over him."

Bonnie gave it some thought. "Hard to be sure," she said finally. "But my guess would be, yeah, more or less. She has good reason to feel mad at him, and not just that old Chloe stuff."

Gunther beamed. "I aim to ask her for a date," he said conspiratorially. "Wish me luck."

"Why, sure," said Bonnie. She would have gone on to discuss this interesting new development, but just then Ross reappeared and she jumped up to join him, eager to get back to the apartment and into bed with him as quickly as possible.He was a great lover, the best she'd had, in fact, and for that she was willing to overlook certain faults of character.

Gunther smiled to himself as he watched them go. He did not understand what these hot women saw in Ross, but it was certainly fortunate that he seemed to have such a passionate relationship with this one. Maybe he really had moved on from Rachel, in which case she should be all the more ready to be interested in someone totally new.

Just then Chandler and Joey appeared. They seemed disappointed that none of their group were around. Indeed, there was hardly anyone in Central Perk except Gunther and a waitress.

"Ross and Bonnie were just here, but they've gone," Gunther informed them. "And Rachel and the others haven't been in."

"Well, we might as well have a coffee and see if they show up," said Chandler. "If they don't, we can go back to the apartment and play foosball or something."

"Okay," said Joey cheerfully. "I need something to cool my mouth down after all that spicey salami and pepperoni."

Ordering large regulars, they settled down to wait. When Gunther brought them, he seemed to hover, reluctant to depart. Chandler looked up at him enquiringly.

"I still can't quite believe it," Gunther said. "Is it really true that Ross has dumped Rachel for ever, and is serious with his new girlfriend?"

"I don't know how serious Ross is," said Chandler, "but I don't think there's much prospect of him and Rachel ever getting together again."

"You hope not, eh, dude?" said Joey, digging him in the ribs.

Gunther's face showed alarm. "Why, are you interested in her?"

Chandler had long ago divined that Gunther had a crush on Rachel, but he did not think this entitled him to a straight answer.

"You know what Joey's like," he said casually."Always trying to hook me up."

The door crashed open, and the girls burst in, first Phoebe, then Rachel, then Monica. Their arms were linked, and they seemed remarkably cheerful.

"It's Joey!" cried Phoebe enthusiastically.

"And Chandler!" cried Rachel in the same tone.

"It's Joey and Chandler and Gunther!" cried Monica equally cheerfully.

They all burst out giggling as they approached, swaying just a little occasionally.

"Oh dear God," Chandler muttered. "They're drunk."

If not precisely drunk, the three were definitely exhilarated. They came to a halt by the couch, beaming.

"Let's give 'em all a kiss," said Phoebe suddenly.

"Ooh yeah, but who d'we kiss first?" said Rachel.

"The one nearest at hand," said Monica, and with that she seized hold of Gunther and gave him a smacking kiss on the cheek, regarding him with bright-eyed amusement as he looked at her in amazement.

"Right on!" cried Phoebe, and she sat down on Joey's lap and kissed him firmly on the lips.

Rachel looked at Chandler. "I guess that just leaves us," she said in a quieter voice, and came round the couch to sit beside him, looking at him rather seriously. "Would you … like a kiss, Chandler?"

Her relative hesitation had given Chandler time to collect his wits. "Could I _be_ any dumber, if I said no?" he said, and leaned forward. She almost fell into his arms, and he discovered that her breath smelled noticeably of wine, but he cared nothing for that. Her lips were so soft when they met his. He had no idea how long they kissed, just mouth to mouth, before Monica cried, "Hey, Rach, move along and let the rest of us have a turn."

Rachel's eyes had been closed. Now they flew open.

"Okay, okay," she said a little peevishly. She got up, staggering a little, took a step forward, then seemed to trip and fell into Chandler's lap.

Phoebe shrieked with laughter. "Something's trying to get you together," she cried. "Okay, Gunther, here's your kiss." She stood, took him into her arms, and gave him a short but serious kiss on the mouth.

"Rachel, get off of Chandler and let me have a go," said Monica rather fiercely.

"I didn't _mean_ to fall on him," said Rachel, looking a bit hurt. "Sorry, Chandler." She looked up at him with a glint in her eyes. "You're comfortable to fall on."

Chandler's heart was beating fast. He couldn't think of any snappy comeback, and then Monica took him over and began kissing him very enthusiastically, behaving as if she was really excited. She seemed reluctant to give him up, in fact, until Joey complained. Looking a little discontented, she moved on to Joey, but the kiss he got was short and half-hearted by comparison to the one she'd given Chandler.

Meanwhile, Rachel made her way to Gunther, smiling at him in a friendly way. She gave him a hearty both-cheeks kiss. He got the strong impression that this might be as far as she would ever be prepared to go, but he had finally worked up the nerve to ask her out, and he could not bear to lose what might be his best chance.

"Rachel, would, would you go out with me some time?" he blurted out.

Rachel's friendly look changed to one of surprise, then sympathy. "Oh Gunther," she said softly. "I'm sorry …" Involuntarily her eyes turned towards Chandler, whom Phoebe was now kissing with some enthusiasm.

"Hey Rach!" cried Joey, oblivious to all this. "I still haven't had my kiss."

"Oh … yeah," said Rachel, turning to him. But then she turned back to Gunther, and seeing how his face had fallen she leaned forward and kissed him briefly and tenderly on the lips. "I'm sorry," she said again, and went over to Joey, whom she kissed rather briefly and fiercely, giving the impression that she was fulfilling an obligation rather than doing it for fun.

Joey did not seem to notice any lack of real enthusiasm on her part. He grinned at her and said, "Well, how was that?"

"Okay, I guess," she said distractedly. Her eyes were following Gunther as he walked slowly back to the counter. "This was _not_ a good idea," she said quite loudly. "Gunther, I really am sorry."

He turned and smiled at her a bit lopsidedly. "That's okay, Rachel," he said. "I'll always remember that last kiss." Then he went into the back room.

"Well, _I_ think it was a great idea," said Phoebe, pulling back from Chandler finally. "I'd never have discovered Chandler was such a good kisser otherwise." She patted him on the cheek.

"Hey, what about me?" said Joey, sounding hurt.

"Oh, you're good too, Joe," said Phoebe sincerely. "But you ought to be, with all the practice you get. Chandler must have, like, natural talent." She giggled.

"Yeah!" said Monica with what seemed slightly overdone enthusiasm. "Let's hear it for Chandler, the dark horse of Central Perk. Wooo!" She threw a fist in the air.

Chandler was looking somewhat unnerved by all this. His eyes met Rachel, almost seeming apologetic. But what did he have to apologise for, she wondered.  Maybe that he had evidently kissed the other two well.

"So, which of us was best?" Monica continued in the same excitable, slightly drunken manner. "You guys have to say."

"Yeah!" cried Phoebe. "Spill the beans!"

"Well, I'd have to say you, Pheebs," said Joey. "You put most into it."

Chandler remained silent, looking embarrassed.

"C'mon, Chandler," Phoebe urged. "Joey may be right, but I think you got a good kiss from all of us."

"Oh yeah, you were _all_ great," he said hastily.

"You're not gonna weasel out of this one, Chandler," cried Monica teasingly. "Give: which of us was best?"

Now Chandler looked a little irritated. "Well, if you must know, it was Rachel."

Monica's face fell, and Chandler felt a slight twinge of guilt. "Come on, let's get out of here and leave Gunther to his grief," he said. Unlike Joey, he had noticed some of what was going on between Gunther and Rachel.

"Good idea," said Rachel, who now seemed more sober than the other two. "_I'm_ going, anyway."

She turned to the door, but Chandler beat her to it and opened it for her. Their eyes met again, and she smiled. "Well, _thank_ you, Mr. Bing," she said in a flirty manner, then, lowering her voice to a more intimate tone, "It _was_ a great kiss."

"Yeah, so was mine," said Monica from behind them, still in a rather drunken, over-enthusiastic manner. She came out, moved to stand in front of Chandler, and said, "Chandler, c-can I revise a previous comment, in, in the light of new information?" Her tone was light, and she was obviously using pompous language in an attempt at humour, but this was undercut by her stammering and air of desperate sincerity.

Chandler looked at her enigmatically. "Go ahead."

"I, I just wanted to say," Monica said, showing her nerves further by twisting her hands together as she stood on the sidewalk in front of him, "that, that I've changed my mind, and now I think you're perfectly good boyfriend material."

Chandler nodded. "I thought that was what you were going to say. I guess I should be pleased, but you know what? Somehow I'm not as thrilled as I would have been once." He turned to Rachel. "Let's go back to the apartment."

But Rachel was looking at Monica. She did not look simply stricken, but desolated. Rachel felt a lump develop in her throat. Chandler was one thing, but this was her best friend, who had been so supportive only that morning. "You go ahead," she said in an attempt to mimic his deadpan tone. "We'll catch you up in a minute. I've got something I want to say to Monica, in private."

It was Chandler's turn to look thunderstruck. He stood and gaped at Rachel as she turned away from him to Monica. Then Phoebe slipped out past them, pulling Joey after her.

"C'mon, Chandler," she said with an air of extreme good cheer, putting her free hand in his. "Let's all go back and play some stupid game."

Chandler allowed himself to be pulled along, but he took one look back at the others, to see that Rachel had put her arms round Monica, who seemed to be starting to cry, and was evidently comforting her. A rather marked pang of guilt went through him. He knew he shouldn't have put her down so hard – but she was being so _irritating_, constantly horning in when he was trying to get closer to Rachel. He couldn't hear what Rachel was saying to Monica, but perhaps that was just as well.

In fact, Rachel was saying, slightly fiercely, "I am _not_ doing this again. I am _not_ gonna take a guy you're obviously interested in, and, yeah, I promise you, Mon, _no way_ is Chandler gonna make me choose between him and you, the way I tried to make you guys choose between me and Ross when we had broken up. You're right, he's definitely boyfriend material, and I was sorta getting interested, but he's not worth you and I fighting over. I never want to do that again."

"Oh Rachel!" Monica wailed. "You're being so great! That makes me feel even worse!" She sobbed on Rachel's shoulder.

"Now, honey, calm down," said Rachel, hugging her. "You're not to feel bad. I was only just _beginning_ to get interested. But clearly, although it seems you didn't realise it till now, you've had a thing for Chandler for quite a while."

"It was only when he started showing an interest in you that I saw how much he meant to me," Monica said through diminishing sobs. "Oh God, how I_ wish_ I hadn't put him off so. But I really did think I just loved him like a brother, the way I love Ross now we're both grown. I thought I couldn't have real feelings for him – but I do, I _do_!" She choked on renewed tears.

Rachel patted her on the back and made soothing noises. She felt relieved that she had not gotten involved more deeply with Chandler. His kissing had certainly been enough to awaken lively interest, but his behaviour towards Monica had rather turned her off him. He had shown an ungenerous, unforgiving streak, that did not look good on somebody whose friends were always forgiving him for the often rather cruel fun that he had at their expense.

"Do you want to go back?" she said gently to Monica. "Or shall we just walk around for a while until you feel better?"

"No, I'll be okay," said Monica, sniffling and groping for a tissue. "Rach, are you sure …?"

"Sure I'm sure," said Rachel in a warm voice. "Once I said I'd do anything for you, and okay, that was a bit dramatic, but here is where I can make good on it. I'll give you a clear run at Chandler. The only problem I see is, Chandler may want to keep well away from both of us and go call Janice or something."

Monica produced a tiny snicker. "You could be right, though I doubt he'll go that far. I just hope he doesn't want to feel all upset and sorry for himself."

"He was clearly getting a little mad at you, and you were giving him some cause," said Rachel a little sternly, "but he ought to have made allowances for the fact that you were slightly drunk, maybe a bit more than I was."

"It's all Phoebe's fault, for suggesting the kissing," Monica said as they began to walk back to the apartment. "And now you've got to cope with Gunther's feelings as well."

Rachel sighed. "I know." They walked side by side in silence for a few steps. Then she said, "I'll help you with Chandler, if you'll help me with Gunther. Deal?"

"Deal," said Monica gratefully, clasping her hand. "Though that seems a much better deal for me than you. Handling Gunther will be child's play, compared to dealing with Chandler."

"Well, we may have to bring in Phoebe, and even Joey," said Rachel thoughtfully. "But he's got to see, he could break up the group, easily, if he wants to make a great big fuss about this, and nobody wants that."

"Sweetie, you really are growing," said Monica admiringly. She paused, and then giggled a little. "In return for this, I promise, I'll do everything I normally do in the apartment, and I'll do it _without complaint_."

Rachel laughed, and Monica laughed with her. Feeling reasonably cheerful, they walked up to the apartment block's door.


	5. Various Issues Are Explored Further

Chapter 5: Various Issues Are Explored Further

Author's Note: I have only provided an alternative to Series 3,25 and 4,1 so far; obviously not everything in Series 4 has to happen, in my version of events.

-----

When they reached the apartment, Monica and Rachel realised that the others were in Chandler and Joey's, from which sounds of loud laughter, including Phoebe's, were coming. It seemed as if a lively foosball game was in progress. They looked at each other.

"I'm pooped," said Rachel. "Too much emotion of all kinds. Let's turn in."

Monica nodded. "Good idea." Quite quickly they prepared for bed and gave each other a brief goodnight hug before retiring. Each recognised that the other had been very supportive and shown real commitment to the other's happiness at a moment of high emotional strain, and loved the other for it. 

But Monica found that it was not easy to get to sleep. Her mind kept running over the scenes with Chandler. She cringed mentally as she realised that she had behaved a bit stupidly, to put it mildly. Everything she had done seemed to have alienated Chandler, rather than interested him in her. And then her mind jumped to the conversation between Phoebe and Rachel that she had overheard in the cab. Was it really possible that Chandler and Joey had a hidden gay attraction to each other? It was hard to believe, given their general behaviour. And yet, Carol had seemed for many years to be perfectly satisfied with Ross physically as well as emotionally. People could change. Perhaps it only needed the right stimulus. If that were the case, maybe she should try to suppress her feelings about Chandler. She decided that she ought to talk to Phoebe about it, for despite all her weird beliefs Phoebe seemed very wise in matters of the emotions. Resolving to do that, she drifted off.

The following morning Monica woke feeling refreshed, and threw herself into preparing breakfast with more than her usual energy. She could not help thinking about how she was going to face Chandler, and what she would say to him, but she felt that she could handle it better this morning.

As it happened, Phoebe was first to appear, just as Rachel emerged from her bedroom in her robe, yawning.

"Well, who said she was feeling like she was energised for work today?" said Phoebe to her teasingly, cocking her head on one side.

Rachel grinned. "I'm all ready for it, really. I just need to come awake a bit more. I was dreaming when the alarm went."

"Nice dream?" asked Monica lightly.

Rachel seemed to flush a little. "Um, well, sort of."

"Was it a _sexy_ dream, then?" asked Phoebe.

Rachel's flush deepened. "Um, yeah, but it got interrupted because of the alarm, and that's all I'm gonna say." She walked across to the bathroom and shut the door firmly.

"H'm, I wonder who she was dreaming about," said Phoebe reflectively. "So, did you and she come to some understanding about Chandler?"

"You spotted it too?" queried Monica rather ruefully.

"It was beginng to become a bit obvious," said Phoebe. "So?"

"Rachel said she'd … stand aside," said Monica slowly, "which was good of her, wasn't it, Pheebs?"

Phoebe nodded. "I hate to say it," she said in a low voice, glancing at the bathroom, from which sounds of rather off-key song were now emerging, "but Ross picking Bonnie over her has been good for her. It's making her grow up. And as for Chandler, well, I think maybe you've had a sort of hidden crush on him for a while, but it's been hard to disentangle from your feelings of close friendship."

"Yeah," said Monica. She fidgeted about for a moment, arranging items on the table, then looked up at Phoebe and said, "Do you really think Chandler and Joey have hidden gay feelings for each other?"

"Let's get this straight," said Phoebe. "I think Joey could very well have them like subconsciously for Chandler. Look at how jealous he acted over Janice in the past. But as for Chandler's feelings about Joey, I just don't know. Half the time it's like he's just an elder brother trying to keep his dumb younger brother out of trouble, though he doesn't try very hard to wise him up, and sometimes he plays jokes on him. Then again, he often worries about hurting his feelings. But I don't get the same feeling of emotional attachment. But – oh man, this is _difficult_ – look at that time when Joey moved out. Chandler was _not_ happy."

"Nor was Joey," said Monica. "But … could they ever admit they had feelings for each other?"

Phoebe looked thoughtful for a long moment; then she shook her head. "For Chandler, ideas about being gay are all mixed up with his screwed-up feelings about his father. It would take something very strong to overcome that. As for Joey … can you imagine how his mom and dad would react, let alone his grandmothers? If you can't, let me tell you, if he ever thinks about this, _he _surely can imagine it! Again, it'd need like a really strong push to get him past that. I guess they'll be best buds until one gets married, and then likely they'll drift apart slowly."

"Why would they do that?" said Monica, rather surprised.

Phoebe regarded her a little sadly. "Lots of men don't like it when their wives have their own friends that the husbands don't know, or don't like if they do know. It's not so often said that it works the other way too. Lots of women don't like their men having their own friends and going off on their own, either; it's like they want to keep them under their eye, they don't trust them absolutely. So pairs of close male friends are likely to drift apart when one gets married. And anyway, if you're not with each other constantly, friendships can go cool, even the closest." Now her expression was definitely melancholy. "Look at me and Leslie. But then, we broke up, and after the little bitch did it to me twice, I don't think of her as a friend any more."

"Oh Pheebs!" said Monica, full of sympathy. "Does it still hurt?"

Phoebe sighed, then suddenly she grinned. "Only when I laugh. Now we'd better get onto some less interesting topic before the guys show up."

At that point Rachel emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her hair.

"You seem to be having a good old gossip," she said. "Anything I'm allowed to hear?"

"It was mainly more of what we were talking about in the cab yesterday," said Phoebe. "Which would possibly have a bearing on anyone's getting involved with Chandler."

Rachel nodded, her face suddenly serious. "I don't myself think Chandler is gay in any meaningful sense," she said. "But, anyway, I'm standing by what I said yesterday, Mon, just in case you thought it was the drink talking." She smiled at her. "I'm gonna try to be a good girl, from here on in. Now I must get dressed." She hurried to her bedroom.

The other two looked after her affectionately. Then the door opened and Chandler and Joey came in. Joey was his usual smiling self; Chandler had a slightly withdrawn look, and greeted them with a wary "Hello girls!"

"Hi Chandler!" said Phoebe. "Got over having your ass whupped at foosball?"

Chandler grinned a little. "I'm used to it," he said. "I'll bet even Rachel could beat me if she tried."

"I thought you were worried about the violation of the players' human rights, Pheebs," said Monica teasingly.

"But, see, they _like_ playing, they're totally into it," said Phoebe. "That's what I hadn't appreciated before. And it sure is fun beating Chandler."

"Yeah," said Monica reminiscently. "But we oughtn't to rub it in too much. I mean, we all suck at something."

"Why, what do you think you suck at, Mon?" said Joey through a mouthful of cereal.

"Personal relationships," said Monica seriously. "If the guys don't screw 'em up, I screw 'em up." She looked directly at Chandler. "On a related topic, sorry I put pressure on you last night." She tried to make it sound light and non-pressuring.

Chandler did not hold her gaze. Looking uncomfortable, he stared at the table. "That's okay," he muttered. It quickly became clear that he wasn't going to say any more. Before the silence could get too uncomfortable, Monica sat down and applied herself to her breakfast, refusing to be downhearted. She knew it was going to be a long haul to get back on really easy terms with Chandler.

This did not make it any easier to see his display of pleasure when Rachel arrived looking neat in one of her work outfits, but she had to hand it to Rachel. While perfectly pleasant to Chandler, she behaved as if things were the way they had always been, before they had kissed, rather passionately, last night. Anyone could see that this was frustrating Chandler. But then Ross arrived, seeming very cheerful despite the fact that he did not appear to have had enough sleep. After greeting everyone, he produced an enormous yawn, then a moment later a second, after which he looked around with an apologetic grin.

"Bonnie and I are together again," he said, "as I guess you may know. We, um, celebrated this rather."

"Well, at least we were all out of earshot," said Chandler rather acidly.

Ross looked rueful. "Yeah, she is kinda loud, isn't she? But, you know, that makes me feel good, to know I please her so." Then he looked at Rachel somewhat guiltily. "Sorry, Rach, I shouldn't really be talking like this."

"That's okay," said Rachel, with rather more conviction than Chandler had shown earlier. "I'm happy for you, Ross, honestly."

"I owe you one, for being so straight with Bonnie," he said seriously. "Um, there are some nice unattached guys in the Museum …"

Rachel burst out laughing. "Thanks, Ross, but one dinosaur geek is enough."

"They're not _all_ dinosaur specialists," he began, looking somewhat offended, but then he stopped and his face took on a sly look. "Well, I understand you have a secret admirer – or maybe he's not so secret any more?"

Chandler sat up straight, flushing, but before he could say anything Rachel giggled. "And where might you have heard that from?" she said coquettishly. "Has Bonnie been telling tales?"

"Um, well, yeah, that was my source," Ross admitted. "Who would have thought, all that time you were working in Central Perk …" He snickered.

"I did sometimes wonder," Rachel said. "But it was only last night that he came right out and asked me for a date. But you know, Ross, it's not all that funny. I had to tell him no, and you could see it hit him hard, though I tried to let him down nicely."

"I'll say," Phoebe commented. "That was some kiss you gave him."

"You kissed _Gunther_?" Ross said, suddenly looking and sounding mad.

"We all did," said Rachel, looking at him steadily, "just as we all kissed Joey and Chandler. 

We had had a little too much to drink, to be honest. And why you should care, Ross Geller, is more than I know!" she finished in a rather sharp tone of voice. Then she jumped to her feet. "If I don't start heading for Bloomingdales soon, I'll be _so_ late and Joanna will kill me," she said. "See you guys later."

She was gone before Ross, who had looked rather taken aback, spoke again.

"You _all_ did some kissing?" he said in a rather accusing tone, looking around them, and especially sternly at Monica.

"Yeah," said Phoebe. "It was just for fun, once each, and I agree with Rachel: why should you care? You were doing a lot more than kissing yesterday evening, by what you say."

"The Reverend Geller will be preaching shortly on the topic 'Do as I say, don't do as I do, especially if you're my ex-girlfriend or sister'," remarked Chandler satirically.

"Yeah, you really have got to control your tendency to behave like you had a right to say who Rachel should kiss," said Monica rather belligerently, "let alone me."

"That ought to be 'let alone I'," said Ross in his most pedantic manner, getting to his feet. "I'm only trying to look out for you both."

"What possible harm could kissing Gunther or Chandler or Joey do us, you fossil-loving pedant?" Monica stormed. "For Heaven's sake recognise that we're all grown up and can look after ourselves."

"Getting drunk and going around kissing people doesn't suggest it," Ross riposted as he made for the door.

Jumping up, Monica yelled after him,"You kissed Rachel when you were sober." But, perhaps finally recognising that he was on shaky ground, Ross made no reply.

"Sometimes Ross is really a pain in the ass," growled Monica as she sat down again.

"Yeah, and unlike some of us he doesn't even have the excuse of not having a woman in his life," said Chandler. For a moment he and Monica exchanged a look of complete sympathy.

Joey snickered. "Maybe he's jumpy because he's going short of sleep."

"That never seems to bother you," said Phoebe, winking at him.

Joey produced a lazy grin. "I can catch up in naps during the day. I don't suppose Ross has that option."

"Lazybones!" said Phoebe fondly, tousling his hair. "Well, I guess I should be on my way too. I do have some employment."

"You remind me that I do," said Chandler in a mournful tone. He got to his feet with a worldweary air. "See you guys in Central Perk at lunchtime maybe, or if not, then this evening."

He gave Monica a brief grin before departing, which cheered her considerably because it suggested that he had forgiven her.

"Good old Ross!" said Phoebe, who noticed this. "He does a great job of uniting the rest of us in being pissed off at him." 

"Yeah, but he doesn't realise he's doing it, so he doesn't deserve any credit," said Monica. "Well, I'd better start another job search."

"Good luck," cried Phoebe as she left. "See you later."

Left alone, Monica cleared away and washed the dishes in a reflective mood. The break at the beach house had been fun, but here they were, bickering with each other again. She wholly sympathised with Rachel on this one: how could Ross conceivably imagine that he had a right to get mad if she kissed Gunther? She sighed as she realised that he would have to be faced soon. She hoped he would not be too sad.

She was putting away dishes when the phone rang. Curious to know who it might be at this hour of the morning, she picked up and gave her name.

"Monica," said a familiar voice, slightly indistinct. "Are you still interested in being head chef in my restaurant? This isn't a bribe to get you back. I just think, after interviewing others, that you might be perfect for the job."

"Pete!" she cried. "How are you?"

-----

How about that for a cliffhanger?


	6. Unexpected Developments

Chapter 6: Unexpected Developments

Author's Note: Cress deserves credit for ideas on why Pete might give up trying to be Ultimate Fighting Champion.

-----

Repeated from last chapter to set the scene: 

(The telephone rings when Monica is alone in the apartment)

"Monica," said a familiar voice, slightly indistinct. "Are you still interested in being head chef in my restaurant? This isn't a bribe to get you back. I just think, after interviewing others, that you might be perfect for the job."

"Pete!" she cried. "How are you?"

-----

"Well, I'm making good progress," said Pete, still in a slightly indistinct voice. "The hairline fracture's healed up and the bruises are almost gone. But the rotator cuff tear is going to take some time, even if I don't have surgery."

To Monica's ear he sounded definitely depressed. "That's gonna set back your training program," she said, trying to sound sympathetic.

Pete gave a bitter laugh. "Well, that is all over."

"Over?" Monica repeated in amazement. "But didn't you say to me, you had to do this?" She began to feel mad. "I _begged_ you to give it up, but you wouldn't!"

"I know," said Pete in the same depressed voice. "But things have come up …"

"Like what?" said Monica, sympathetic in spite of herself. He sounded so sad.

"Well, first off, my mom also begged me to stop," he said. "She said, she saw me getting myself killed and, well, I've always been the apple of her eye. I have a brother, but he's a dropout and she doesn't care for him much any more." He sighed. "But that's not all. I found out that one of my vice-presidents was trying to turn the board of directors against me, claiming I'd lost my marbles, and that even if I hadn't I was being distracted by this and not paying enough attention to the business." He sighed again. "I didn't want to throw away everything I've worked for. So," his voice became stronger, "I went right back in and bounced that vice-president back on his butt. I'm back in control of the company, no one disputes it, and it made me feel good for a while, but …"

After a short silence, Monica said, as gently as she could, "But … you hate having to give up your dream?"

"I should have known you'd sympathise!" he said, sounding more lively. "That's it, exactly. Look, can we meet? I … well, I haven't dated anyone since we broke up, what with my injuries and the company business. But this wouldn't be a date, exactly, just a chance for me to talk to someone who, who once cared about me."

"Pete, I still care!" she cried, knowing this to be true. Talking to him was reviving all sorts of feelings that she had tried hard to bury. "Of _course_ I'll meet with you. Anywhere special you want to meet?"

"I'll drop by Central Perk," he said. "I'd like to see the gang and find out how they're all doing – like, how's that oddball Chandler?"

"He's not an oddball!" said Monica hotly. "You be nice about my friends or I won't meet with you after all!"

"You got it," he said. "I apologise. I'll be there around six, if that's okay, and we can talk about the restaurant too."

"Okay," said Monica and hung up, feeling excited all of a sudden. In fact, she felt so excited that she had to tell somebody, and before she knew it she was calling Rachel at work.

When Rachel began announcing herself and her department, Monica broke in. "Rach, it's me. Can we talk?"

"Yeah, Joanna's at a meeting," said Rachel. "What's new?"

"Guess who called me just now?" said Monica excitedly.

"You ring me at work to ask that?" said Rachel in an amused tone. "I have no idea."

"Pete Becker!" cried Monica triumphantly. "He wanted me to reconsider the job of chef at his restaurant, but that's not the best part – he's given up the Ultimate Fighting crap."

"No, _really_?" said Rachel with some excitement. "Mon, are you getting interested in him again?"

"Well," said Monica, "I've agreed to meet him. He's coming to Central Perk tonight. He sounded so down," she added in a softer voice.

"So, it's off with the new and on with the old?" said Rachel in a Chandler-like way.

Monica was a little irritated by Rachel's rather sarcastic tone, but admitted to herself that her friend had reason to be just a little mad with her.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," she said penitently. "I know this must seem ungrateful of me, after you so generously offered to stand aside and not encourage Chandler. But, but … Pete and I only broke up a few weeks ago, and I still have feelings for him. It didn't look like I was going to get anywhere with Chandler very fast, either," she added rather despondently.

"No," said Rachel with more sympathy. "That's certainly how it looked. Then you won't object if I do encourage Chandler now?"

This brought Monica up short. Hearing Pete's voice and the prospect of meeting him again had brought him to the forefront of her mind, but that did not mean she'd lost all interest in Chandler.

"Sweetie, I know this is a lot to ask," she said pleadingly, "but could you hold off for just a bit longer? I mean, I don't know how I'm _really_ going to feel about Pete until I'm with him."

"But you just said, you didn't think you were gonna get anywhere with Chandler," Rachel objected.

"Yeah, but," Monica said, and then stopped. It was so hard to put into words. "I don't know that for sure yet," she said finally. "I've managed to make it up with him, at least I think so. I just … don't want to give up on him altogether so fast." She paused. "God, I know this sounds _really_ selfish, but … please?"

There was a silence and Monica tensed. Then Rachel chuckled, and she relaxed.

"O-kay," said Rachel in an exaggerated voice of resignation. "It's not like I'd be doing anything differently from the way I was with Chandler this morning, anyway. I'll hold off for a while longer. But I'm gonna want _special_ payback for this."

"Anything within reason," said Monica lightly. "I am so grateful, sweetie. I love you."

"Oh oh, here comes Joanna back from her meeting," Rachel muttered, "and she's giving me the evil eye. I'll see you after work."

-----

Chandler found concentrating on his work even harder than usual. His mind kept slipping away to the kiss that he had shared with Rachel. It had been a wonderful kiss, and her subsequent behaviour had given him cause for real hope that she might be willing to go out with him. But then it had all gone wrong, because she chose to demonstrate loyalty to Monica, and this morning she was acting as if nothing had ever happened between them. Granted, she had been slightly drunk when she kissed him, and might be regretting it, although her friendliness did not suggest that.

He sighed. Monica had kissed him even more passionately. Why couldn't he get interested in her the way she now seemed to want him to? He felt a little guilty, realising that in a way he had led her on, by making such a big deal out of not being considered boyfriend material. Maybe Joey was right, and they were all so like brothers and sisters that they couldn't usually think of each other that way. But Monica was clearly able to think of him in that way, and Ross had been easily able to think like that about Rachel. There was an explanation for that, at least, his long prior crush on her. Maybe also it was easier because she had joined the group long after all the others had become close, and maybe that was why he felt attracted to her too. He smiled as he remembered what a picture she had made, kneeling beside Phoebe in her bikini, devastatingly attractive but totally unconscious of it as she concentrated on Phoebe's jellyfish sting. It would be a cold day in hell before he forgot that.

His mouth firmed. He was not going to let this go easily. He would go to Central Perk at lunchtime and hope to see her. He would not come on too strong, but he would make it clear that he was intererested. He couldn't believe she had totally lost the interest that she had shown only the previous night. Rather, he suspected, she was suppressing it out of a misguided sense of loyalty to Monica. He should talk with Monica and get things straight.

-----

Monica was first to arrive in Central Perk around lunchtime. In fact she had gone early, as she often did nowadays, for want of anything else to do. Gunther was behind the counter as usual. He actually blushed a little as she approached.

"I hope we didn't freak you out last night," she said lightly, having decided that this was the best approach.

His smile seemed a little forced. "No, I felt … privileged."

She smiled. "You know, Gunther, Rachel did feel bad about it. I mean, we were just fooling around, but she wouldn't have done it if she'd known how big a crush you had on her."

"And if she hadn't been a little bit drunk," said Gunther, smiling in a more relaxed way. "It's okay, Monica. It took me a while, last night, but I've … come to terms with it, finally. Her second kiss," he smiled dreamily, "I shall always treasure that, and it showed that she has a good heart. I have sometimes been uncertain of that."

Monica felt definite relief. "You're being a good guy about this," she said, "so I'll let you in on some private stuff. She's sort of interested in Chandler, but so am I, as you might have noticed – "

"It wasn't hard to spot," he interpolated with a definite grin.

Monica pulled a face. "I am so dumb and obvious sometimes. Well, she's letting me have a clear run, but things have gotten kinda complicated, because Pete's come back into my life. He's coming here this evening."

"Pete?" queried Gunther, looking puzzled for a moment. "Ah yes, the computer king."

Monica nodded. "So," she went on, "just because Rachel isn't showing an interest in Chandler doesn't mean she's not actually interested. She's agreed to wait a while, to see how things pan out between me and Pete."

"Seems like Rachel's doing a lot for you," Gunther commented rather drily.

"Yes, bless her," said Monica softly. None knew better than she how well Rachel was behaving. Then she grinned. "But don't worry, she's getting some compensation for it all. I'm gonna go on doing all the apartment stuff _without_ complaining that she isn't doing any."

Gunther laughed a laugh of genuine amusement. "Yeah, she's not good at the domestic stuff, is she? I have to say, it's a relief in some ways not having her as a waitress. I mean, I loved having her around, you know, but she could drive me _crazy_, the way she just didn't seem to care about not doing things, or getting them wrong."

"Me too," said Monica sympathetically, and they shared a moment of complete understanding.

Then Gunther, who had been leaning forward in a confidential way, stood up straight. "This has been good," he said, now looking just a trifle embarrassed, "and I appreciate your confiding in me, but now I really ought to get back to work."

Monica took her coffee to the couch, thinking what a strange guy Gunther was – nice, when you got talking to him, but definitely strange.

Next to arrive was Joey, looking discontented. Monica let him tell her how he had done so well at an audition for an Italian cab driver, but the dumb casting director still hadn't picked him, saying he didn't convince as a cab driver or an Italian.

"I mean, hell, isn't my name enough for him?" Joey fumed.

"That's too bad, Joey," said Phoebe sympathetically. She had arrived while he was telling the story. "Maybe you should call yourself Salvatore or Vittorio." She rolled the names around her mouth appreciatively.

"Why not go the whole hog and call yourself Vito Corleone?" said Monica mischievously.

They had a laugh over that, and then Chandler arrived. He got himself a coffee and sat down beside Monica.

"We have to talk," he said quietly. "Away from these airheads, if possible."

"Okay, Chandler," she said, swallowing a lump that had unaccountably appeared in her throat. "Let's go to that table over there."

Phoebe shushed Joey when he began making some pointed comment, and looked sympathetically at Monica.

"So, what's on your mind, Chandler?" Monica said, disguising her apprehension over what was coming in a light tone.

"Look, I know I have kept bringing up this thing about you considering me boyfriend material," he said, "and I'm sorry if it's given you the wrong idea. Mon, you're like a sister to me, and all the dearer because I never had a sister. But I just don't see you as a possible girlfriend. It was my pride that was hurt, that you should seem to consider it a joke that I could _conceivably_ be your boyfriend."

Monica sat for a moment, made temporarily speechless by the suddenness and apparent finality of it. "You … did say you'd be my backup if we were unmarried at forty," she eventually said, rather hesitantly.

"That was just … horsing around and being friendly," he said. "For heaven's sake, Monica, there's no way someone as attractive and smart and sweet as you could still be unmarried at forty."

"You tell my mother that," she said, trying to stifle a sob. She didn't want it to be like this.

"Oh hell, now I've upset you," he said in chagrin. "I'm _really_ sorry, Monica. To be honest, if I had no one else in mind, I would be tempted to … see where we might go with it, though it would probably be a mistake. But … I do have someone else in mind."

"Rachel," Monica breathed.

He nodded. "Suddenly, she seems so attractive to me."

"Well, well, that's okay, Chandler," said Monica, her voice rising. "Because you know what? Someone else has come back into my life, and maybe I don't want you after all." She jumped up and stormed out of Central Perk, not looking back. Chandler stared after her, stunned.

"What was that about, dude?" said Joey as Chandler slowly returned to sit with him and Phoebe.

Chandler sighed. "I told her, trying to be as nice about it as possible, that I wasn't interested, because I am interested in Rachel. She didn't take it well. But" – he frowned – "she said someone else had come back into her life anyway. Who do you suppose that could be? Richard?"

Gunther came over. He looked at Chandler sympathetically. "You told her you weren't interested, I guess."

"What do you know about it?" said Chandler in a hostile manner.

"Quite a lot," said Gunther calmly. "She told me before you came in what was going on, to explain parts of last night, though a lot of it was obvious. Anyway, if you're wondering who the mystery man who's come back into her life is – I heard what she said, I think everyone in the shop did – then I can tell you: it's Pete Becker."

"Oh my God!" said Phoebe in amazement. "Then has he stopped fighting, or something?"

"She didn't tell me that," said Gunther. "He's coming in this evening, so you can find out then. Well, just thought I'd bring you up to date." He wandered away to collect some empty mugs and plates.

Chandler, Joey and Phoebe looked at each other, struggling to absorb this new development. Then Ross and Bonnie arrived, and had to be brought up to date themselves. But, to Chandler's disappointment, Rachel did not show up that lunchtime.

-----

Endnote: That seems a good place to stop. Plenty more to come, as you can imagine, but it's going to need thinking out, and I am short of time. Oh, and before you write to tell me how badly Monica is behaving, just remember that she is under a lot of emotional stress, and that almost everybody does or can behave badly in such a situation. Okay, she is, or was, trying not to commit herself, but I feel this is a plausible short-term response. Nobody said the Friends had to weigh up their behaviour and responses rationally and always make the best decisions.


	7. In Which Monica Behaves Rather Badly

Chapter 7: In Which Monica Behaves Rather Badly

Author's Note: the comments on Chandler made by Monica reflect her own opinions and not necessarily those of the author. Remember the old proverb, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". Whatever the rights and wrongs of the case, that is how Monica is going to feel, I believe.

-----

When Rachel got back to the apartment from work, it was so gleamingly clean that she hardly dared set foot in it, and Monica was scrubbing the oven as if her life depended on it. Long familiarity with the symptoms led Rachel to deduce emotional turmoil.

"What's up, Mon?" she asked in a sympathetic tone.

Monica darted a smouldering glance at her. "You can _have_ Chandler," she growled, "_and_ the goddamn horse he rode in on."

Oh oh, thought Rachel. "What's happened?"

"I saw him at lunchtime," Monica said, in a tone that suggested barely controlled rage. "We have to talk, he says. I thought that was _our_ line. So we talk, no, _he_ talks, and he makes it _absolutely _clear I mean nothing to him, I'm like his sister. Oh, and get this: if he hadn't 'had someone else in mind' – she began doing a wildly inaccurate impression of Chandler's voice – "he might have been 'tempted to see where we go with it', although, yeah, get this too, 'it would probably be a mistake'. The condescending creep!" she suddenly roared. She put down her cleaning rag and bottle of special secret recipe cleaning liquid and delivered several punches into the air.

"Take it easy, Mon," said Rachel soothingly.

"Take it easy, she says," repeated Monica bitterly. "Of course, it's fine for you: you're the one he has in mind! He said as much."

Before Rachel could reply Phoebe entered.

"Still upset, huh?" she said in a resigned manner.

"Still _mad_!" Monica snarled. She banged her bottle back in its place so hard it made the others jump.

"So, anyway, when are you meeting Pete?" Rachel asked in a desperate attempt to distract her.

"Pete!" Monica froze. "Oh my God, I'd nearly forgotten, and now I barely have time to change or shower." She looked at them in sudden desperation. "Guys, please help me choose what to wear!"

Shaking their heads at each other at this sudden but not unprecedented change of mood, Rachel and Phoebe followed as Monica ran into her bedroom. On the way, Phoebe leaned

in to Rachel and muttered, "So – Chandler, huh?" with a wink.

Rachel found herself flushing. "Well, sort of, yeah," she stammered. "At least, it's clear from what Mon says that he's interested."

"And you are too?" said Phoebe encouragingly.

"You can talk about Chandler later," said Monica, spitting out the name contemptuously. "You're here to help me!"

"Yes, oh mistress Monica," said Phoebe with mock subservience. "Forgive your servants for daring to name the unmentionable."

Monica ignored her and looked at her watch. "Oh my God," she moaned despairingly, "he said six, and it's already twenty to. What am I gonna do?"

"Would you relax?" said Rachel rather impatiently. "Nobody said you had to be absolutely on time to the minute. He'll wait. If necessary, one of us can go down and tell him you've been slightly delayed."

"Yeah, you're right," said Monica, the tension in her body relaxing a bit. "Okay, now I don't want something that signals I'm desperate to get him back, but not something that says I'm totally uninterested, either, and of course it should say I am a competent person who can handle being head chef of a restaurant."

Rachel ignored all this and went decisively to Monica's closet. Within three minutes she had half-persuaded, half-bullied Monica into committing herself to a choice and then had driven her off to shower.

"Whew!" she said when she came back and collapsed into a chair. "At least that got her off the subject of Chandler for a while, but I doubt we've heard the last of it. And, y'know, Pheebs, the worst of it is, I never got to present my demands in exchange for holding off from him."

"Tough," said Phoebe sympathetically. "But seriously, Rach, do you think it's wise to start something with him when he's just rejected her? I mean, remember all that Van Damme stuff."

"No, I'm in the clear," said Rachel, grinning. "She said, before you came in, I could have him."

"Yeah, that's what she says when she's mad, but what about when she's cooled down?" Phoebe replied. "She might go all sad and reproachful on you, or get really niggly like she did over Van Damme."

"Yeah," said Rachel pensively. She sat in silence for a while, frowning in thought. Then her face brightened.

"I can still get some of my demands," she said. "I didn't come on to him at breakfast, and I deliberately didn't visit Central Perk for lunch. That ought to count for something."

"Good luck with that," said Phoebe ironically. "She's gonna be touchy about the whole subject, is my … Hi Mon, that was quick."

"Yeah, I didn't bother with my hair," said Monica rather distractedly. "Rach, can I talk to you in private for a moment?"

"Okay," said Rachel, wondering what she wanted now.

When she entered the bedroom, Monica closed the door and said abruptly, "What's it worth, for you to keep giving Chandler no encouragement for a while?"

Rachel looked at her open-mouthed. "Gosh, Monica, that's asking an _awful_ lot. By why, anyway? Was he really so mean when he gave you the brush-off?"

"Well, no," said Monica, looking a bit embarrassed. "He tried to be nice about it. But it wouldn't do him any harm to suffer a little," she flared.

"Yeah, but what about _me_?" cried Rachel, who had finally reached the end of her patience. "_I_ haven't got any millionaires falling over themselves to offer me a job and dates in Rome and stuff. Chandler's the nearest thing to a decent prospect for a date that I've seen in months!"

"Okay, sweetie, okay!" said Monica in a conciliatory tone. "Look, let's see how things go with Pete. If they go well, I guess I won't feel so bad over Chandler."

"Hmph!" went Rachel sceptically. She decided to go for it. "Fine for you, but you still owe me, Monica – especially for this, but also for one day's worth already of not encouraging Chandler."

"A whole day?" Monica queried.

"Why d'you think I wasn't in Central Perk at lunchtime?" said Rachel.

Monica pulled a face, and Rachel continued, "It's not my fault he chose that moment to have his talk with you. So, well, you've already said, you're gonna do all the chores – "

"Well, for a while," Monica put in uneasily. "You can't expect to get away with not doing them for ever."

"Right," said Rachel. "Now, in among the chores I'm counting keeping my room clean and neat, and my laundry – "

"Check," said Monica. "I can do that."

" – and I'd like you to cook some of my favourite meals – " Rachel continued.

"I'd probably be doing that anyway," said Monica.

" – _and_ bring me breakfast in bed at the weekends," Rachel finished with relish.

"But, sweetie," Monica protested, "the sheets – "

"Monica Lilian Geller," said Rachel wrathfully, "are you backing out of our agreement, when, on top of everything else, I have just helped you choose your go-to-meet-Pete-and-maybe-snag-him-if-I-decide-I-want-to clothes?"

"No, no," said Monica hastily. "I do owe you, I know. Okay," she sighed a little, "I agree to all this, but how long for?"

"Let's say … four weeks," said Rachel with an air of generosity.

"Four _weeks_?" cried Monica. "Okay, four weeks," she said resignedly when Rachel turned a baleful eye on her. "Now what's the time?"

Rachel glanced at her watch. "A minute or two before six. But like I said,_ relax_. Pete's not gonna be treating this like a business appointment."

"I hope not," said Monica. She had been dressing while talking to Rachel, and now sat at her makeup table and started brushing her hair furiously. Rachel watched her with a look of tolerant affection.

"Of course if you get anywhere with Pete and he rushes you off to Rome or Nice or Acapulco for the weekend, I won't expect breakfast in bed then," she said.

Monica darted her a resentful glance at this goading. "I should hope not," she growled.

"We'll just tack it on the end," Rachel said, blithely ignoring the glance and Monica's tone. "Now I'll send Phoebe on ahead as messsenger."

Hastily she left the bedroom, shut the door, and struck a triumphant victory pose, grinning all over her face, while Phoebe gave her a thumbs-up sign.

"Pheebs, could you go to Central Perk and tell Pete she'll be down in a few minutes?" Rachel said.

"First, tell me what you're getting as payoff," said Phoebe interestedly.

Ticking them off on her fingers, Rachel said, "For four weeks she's gonna do the chores and my laundry, keep my room tidy, cook meals that I like, _and_," she paused dramatically, "bring me breakfast in bed at the weekends."

"Way to go, miss tough negotiator!" said Phoebe admiringly. "Okay, what do I get for taking the message?"

"I thought you'd do that as a friend," said Rachel with a reproachful air. "But I guess we could run to breakfast tomorrow."

"But I could get that anyway!" Phoebe protested.

"Right!" said Rachel emphatically. "And what are _you_ doing in return for all the free breakfasts and stuff, huh?"

"Okay, okay, don't spur a willing horse," Phoebe muttered as she gathered her belongings and left.

"Not bad, Rach," said Monica approvingly as she emerged from her room. "Maybe you can figure out a way to get some payback from our other freeloading friends. How do I look?"

Rachel looked her up and down with a critical expression, but inside she was thinking, 'I wish I had a face like that, skin like that … she may be too slim, really, but she is beautiful.' Aloud she said, "You look _great_, honey. C'mon, let's go and see you knock 'em dead, especially Pete."

Monica giggled, and on an impulse grabbed Rachel and hugged her. "You know what, it's great having you around," she said. "You _are_ a support – even if you don't do the chores."

"Okay, well, I don't expect to hear _any_ more on that score for four whole weeks," said Rachel. 

Arm in arm they went down the stairs and approached Central Perk. Rachel stood back to let Monica make a grand entrance. But it was all in vain, for Pete was not there.

 "He called to say that he was running a little late," Phoebe explained. "Some business stuff, I guess."

This was not likely to improve Monica's temper. Pete's lateness because of business had been a recurrent irritation in their relationship. She ordered a large decaf and sat down with her friends. All were now there except Ross, presumed to be off somewhere with Bonnie. Chandler seemed rather apprehensive, but relaxed when Monica studiously ignored him.

"Hi Rachel," he said when they were all settled. "You're looking very attractive this evening."

"Why, thank you, kind sir," said Rachel lightly. "But I haven't made any special effort. Monica, now – don't you think she's looking stunning? I guess Pete will be a goner after one look."

Chandler looked as if he had bitten into a lemon. "Um, yeah, you're looking great, Monica," he stammered.

"Thanks," said Monica icily. "Now say something complimentary about Phoebe and you'll have completed the circuit."

Joey snicked appreciatively. "But it's true, Mon," he said. "If you weren't my friend, I'd be after you so fast. Any one of you, in fact," he added after a moment.

"Yeah, but how far does that make us different from any other women in New York round about our age or younger?" said Rachel teasingly.

"They're not _all_ hot," said Joey, apparently giving this comment some serious thought. "And there are some girls I'm not keen to date. Like if I find out they have protective brothers."

"Aha, so _that's_ the reason why you won't date me," said Phoebe merrily. "If you dated me and then dumped me, Frank Jr. would kick your ass!"

This set everyone laughing.

"I guess _you_ would be first in line to do that," Joey replied, grinning. "You're tough, Pheebs. Sometimes you scare me."

Phoebe acknowledged this with a nod, as if to say it was no more than her due. "Okay, well what about Monica?" she said, with a sly glance at her. "Are you scared of Ross too?"

There were more snickers, but suddenly Joey looked uneasy. "Well, well, with Monica, it, uh, it would have to be … serious," he said rather hesitantly. "So, it would be like, I _couldn't_ dump her, or you would _all_ kick my ass, right?"

Realising that she had introduced a jarring note, Phoebe thought fast and said, "Are there any good new movies on, does anyone know?"

"We could get a paper," said Chandler. "How about, we take in a movie, Rachel?"

"Great idea," she said, "as long as we can all agree on the movie. You know I don't like tough action movies."

Monica didn't bother to suppress a laugh at this deft turning of Chandler's hint at a date into a project for the group.

"What's so funny, Mon?" said Phoebe with apparent artlessness.

Whose side is she on, Monica thought in some irritation. "Oh, just something that came to mind, from a movie I've seen," she said airily.

"Why not share the joy?" said Chandler with wide-eyed innocence.

"Nah," said Joey, oblivious as so often to the undercurrents, "explaining things you thought were funny in movies always ruins them. Well, I could go for some kind of romance thing if I'll get to see a lot of someone like Demi Moore. Man, is she hot in Striptease!"

Monica was drawing breath to blast this crude display of lustfulness when she heard a familiar voice.

"Monica, I'm so sorry I'm late," said Pete.

They all turned to look at him. He looked much like the old Pete, as dapper as ever, barring the fading bruises on his face, but to Monica there was something lacking, some indefinable quality – maybe a level of self-confidence had gone. Nevertheless, she was very pleased to see him, and crying, "It's so good to see you!" she rose to throw her arms round him and give him a hearty hug and a kiss on the cheek. He smiled, but seemed to wince.

"Am I hurting you?" she said in alarm, loosening her embrace.

"It's nothing," he said. "But my shoulder still isn't quite right." Then he turned to Gunther, who had come up promptly, said, "I'll take a large decaf," and sat down next to Monica on the couch, where Rachel and Phoebe had shifted to give him room.

"So, you're all still together," he said, looking round them with a faint air of amusement. "No, wait, where's Ross?"

"He's probably with Bonnie, his new girlfriend," said Rachel quite cheerfully.

He turned to look at her in some surprise. "And you're okay with that? It seemed to me there was … unfinished business between you."

"Absolutely okay," said Rachel even more cheerfully. "I'm open to any and all offers." She made a big production of smiling at him enticingly, clearly not intending to be taken seriously.

"That's, uh, tempting," said Pete gallantly, "_very_ tempting, but, well, I did come here to see Monica … and I have to say," he turned back to her, "it's a sight worth seeing."

The warmth in his eyes seemed to ignite a corresponding warmth in Monica's face. "Um, thanks," she managed to say, "but, er, didn't you want to talk about the restaurant?"

"Only to say that the job's yours, with no strings, just like before, if you want it," he said.

"My own restaurant," Monica said dreamily. "Is it open yet?"

"Oh yeah," he said. "I don't believe in leaving assets unused. But it's just ticking over."

 "I'll want to have a look, and see what they've done with it," said Monica. "I might want some changes. But I might as well say yes to the basic deal right now." She beamed at him. "It's a dream of mine, as you know."

"Good, good!" he said eagerly. "How soon can you start? Are you still at the Moondance Diner?"

"Um, no," said Monica. "I have been, uh, free lancing … you know, a bit of this, a bit of that … I'll visit it tomorrow morning, if you can spare the time."

"I had my PA keep the morning free," he said. "We can fix a precise time later." Evidently pleased, he sat back in a relaxed manner. "So, how's it going, guys?" he said, looking at Joey and Chandler. "Joey, you're still acting? Chandler, still number crunching?"

It was kindly meant, but Chandler in particular looked as if he felt he was being patronised.

"Yeah, number crunching," he said. "I hear you've left the fight game. Too much full body crunching, maybe?"

Pete flushed slightly and shrugged. Monica sat up straight, looking mad.

"It's a question of priorities," she snapped. "When it came right down to it, Pete found there were things he valued more. But I can understand what a tough decision it was to make, if you have a competitive nature. You shouldn't make light of it, Chandler." She took Pete's hand and patted it.

"Oh yeah," Chandler responded in a satirical tone. "Miss Competitive Instinct, New York, is certainly going to empathise with being forced to withdraw from a competition."

"Nothing wrong with being competitive," Monica said spiritedly. "Better than sitting in front of a computer all day and achieving nothing except broadening your butt." Her tone was very close to contempt.

Chandler went red, and looked mad.

"Cool it, you guys," said Joey, looking worried. "No need to start a fight."

"Oh yeah, you'll always defend Chandler," said Monica fiercely. "You eat my food every day, but _he's_ the one you'll always support."

"Mon, I wasn't – " Joey began, looking wounded, but she stood up abruptly, saying, "Oh, forget it! Come on, Pete, I've had enough coffee to last me a long time. Let's go somewhere."

 Looking eager, Pete got up and followed Monica, who was already on her way to the door without a glance back.

"Have a good time!" Chandler called rather derisively, but there was no response.

After they left there was silence for a moment, which Rachel broke.

"You didn't _have_ to make that comment to Pete," she said softly, looking at Chandler.

"Oh, didn't I?" said Chandler hotly. "'still number crunching?', huh! Just because he's some kind of super-geek – "

"I don't think he meant anything by it," said Phoebe. "You were just feeling touchy because of Monica. Now there, you're gonna have to accept that she may be mad for a while."

"Men get turned down all the time, and don't make such a fuss," said Chandler resentfully.

"Some do," said Rachel.

"Yeah, and it's like part of the rules," said Phoebe. "You have to expect it. We're encouraged to think, we have something really special to offer, so naturally we get upset when we do offer it and it is rejected."

"Yeah, and you can't really blame us for feeling like that," said Rachel, "because women did not and do not set the rules – however it may feel to you sometimes." She looked at Chandler sympathetically.

Chandler said nothing for a moment, simply nodded and looked glum. "But still, she shouldn't have said that to Joey," he said finally. "That was mean."

"Yeah," said Joey in an aggrieved tone. "She's never complained before, and she _likes_ being the hostess."

Rachel's face became serious. "That's irrelevant. Let's face it, Mon does a lot for us, and the fact that she likes doing it, even has some kind of need to do it, doesn't mean we shouldn't recognise that we are getting a good deal, and show our appreciation." She looked round the other three rather seriously. "She does it because she loves us, even if she sometimes bawls us out. So cut her some slack, okay?"

Looking embarrassed, Joey and Chandler produced somewhat reluctant murmurs of assent, but Phoebe grinned vividly and said, "Yes, mom."

Rachel grinned back. "I did come off sounding like a mom talking to her kids, didn't I? But I meant it. I'm just telling you not to take Monica for granted, that's all. I'll admit that I used to do it too, but I mean to change that. Joey, you show appreciation when your mom does something for you, don't you, even though you know she likes doing it?"

"Well, yeah," he said. He looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, "Yeah, and she used to give me a hard time if she thought I wasn't showing enough gratitude, to her or my grandmother. Okay, I'll make an effort to show my appreciation to her at breakfast tomorrow."

"If things go really well with Pete, maybe you won't see her at breakfast," said Phoebe with a wicked grin. "How does that grab you, Chandler?" she added teasingly.

Chandler sighed. "Okay, I'm gonna be serious too for a moment," he said. "I'm sorry, but … I tried to tell her, as nicely as I could, I cannot feel about Monica the way she wanted me to feel. I think she's overreacting, and I don't like it. That's what made me overreact to Pete, I guess. But I really hope she does click with Pete again."

"Just for the record, Chandler, I agree with you on both points," said Rachel. "I hope so too, but … did you feel that Pete wasn't quite the same?"

"He really took a beating, the last time, and he's not over it yet," said Joey. "It does kind of depress you, not to be fully healthy. I felt kinda low when I dislocated my arm."

"Didn't seem to slow you down eating jam," Rachel commented. "No, I think it's more than that, I think it really was a blow to his idea of himself, having to quit the Ultimate Fighting game. I wonder if he'll seem so attractive to Monica now."

"But she hated him doing it," Chandler objected.

"Yeah, but she liked the him that wanted to do it," said Phoebe. "I agree with Rachel, there's something different about him. Well, I guess we'll find out soon enough. In the meantime … what about this movie?"

All turned with some relief to the innocuous topic of choosing a movie that they could all hope to like. Chandler and Joey could not be persuaded to try Titanic, despite the opportunity which it offered to see Kate Winslet naked, as promised by Rachel and Phoebe, who had seen it once and would have been happy to do so again. In her turn, Rachel did not like the sound of Good Will Hunting. Finally they agreed on Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, in the hopes of having a good laugh. True to her agreement with Monica, Rachel was ready to keep Chandler at arms' length and ensured that Phoebe kept close to her, but she need not have bothered. Chandler seemed in a mood while they were going to the movie, and though he seemed to enjoy himself during it he was silent during their return to their apartment, when Phoebe and Rachel began to speculate again on whether anything had developed between Monica and Pete.


	8. Monica Finds You Can Have Too Much Of A ...

Chapter 8: Monica Finds That You Can Have Too Much of a Good Thing

Author's Note: Those who know the Friends episodes backwards and probably quote them in their sleep will have noticed that I only refer to two Ultimate Fighting Champion bouts, whereas in 3,24 there is a third, right at the end. But this must have happened long after the second (a torn rotator cuff does _not_ heal quickly), so, in my alternate Friends Series 4, this simply did not happen.

-----

Monica glanced surreptitiously at her watch. This was clearly one of those top quality restaurants which did not consider fast service a high priority. In the past, on a date with Pete, likely she wouldn't even have noticed, but now … She suppressed a sigh. Why was he being so … boring? A casual enquiry had produced a blow-by-blow account of how he had nipped conspiracy in the bud and reasserted his control of his company, which had involved share dealings and corporate manoeuvrings of the most tediously complex kind. He had then, after a detailed analysis of where he had gone wrong in his two Ultimate Fighting Champion bouts, expanded on what it had meant to him to give the competition up. This had strengthened an impression she had gained before, that he had been shunned at high school as the ultimate geek and this had instilled a latent obsession to prove to all the jocks and their admirers that he was superior to them, which some trigger had brought out.

This had at least struck a sympathetic chord with her. Her dramatic loss of weight in her final year at high school had taken its original impetus from Chandler's hurtful remark, but it had been driven on by an urge to outdo Rachel's cheerleader friends. These had treated her with good-natured contempt when she was fat, generally ignoring her or at most teasing her only up to a certain limit, but when she began to lose weight seriously and show a good figure their teasing had become vicious and spiteful. Loyal friend that she was, Rachel had tried to stop this, but that merely led them to pick on Monica when Rachel wasn't around. But high school was a long time ago, and Pete should have realised how little value there was in what had attracted most admiration at student level. He had made far more of his life than any of the jocks, in all probability, let alone their admirers, and had had plenty of opportunities to learn that the fame gained for excellence at physical skills was generally the least enduring, unless you were really top class, and so the least worth having.

Pete said something in an interrogative tone, and she hastily refocussed her attention on him. "Sorry, Pete, my mind was wandering," she said apologetically. "You were saying?"

"I was saying, do you know how long we've been waiting? It seems a while."

She looked at her watch openly this time. "Fifteen minutes since they cleared our first course plates."

Pete frowned, but did not seem inclined to do anything about it just then. Monica sighed for the old Pete, who had such an air of command about him that no one would have dared to keep him waiting. Had the restaurant staff seen him defeated on TV, and lost all respect for him?

"You can bet it won't be like this in _my_ restaurant," she said rather ferociously. "I'll be on everyone's ass to make sure they give good service."

Pete smiled warmly. "Yeah, you've got the drive all right. That's why I want _you_ to run it. The people I have in now – they do a good job, but they haven't invested something of themselves

in it." He reached across and patted her hand. "I know you'd do that. In fact, I want you to be more than head chef – I'd like you to act as overall manager, though you'll have help on the administrative side."

Just then the main course finally arrived, with profuse apologies from the maitre d'hotel: apparently there had been some kind of disaster in the kitchen, and everyone's meals had been held up. Monica had to admit, after the first mouthful, that it had been worth waiting for. The wine was also excellent, and it seemed to have a beneficial effect on Pete, who spoke knowledgeably and enthusiastically of the region of France that it came from, which he had actually visited not too long ago. She responded to his enthusiasm, and soon they were having as lively and wide-ranging a conversation as in the old days. This was more like it, she thought.

A shadow fell across the table.

"Monica," said a familiar voice.

She looked up, flushing involuntarily. There was Richard, looking at her with considerable warmth.

"R-richard … how are you?" she stammered.

"Oh, fine, you know," he said casually, and turned to Pete. "Mr. Becker, I recognise you from the cover of Time a year or so back. I'm glad to see you've made a good recovery from your injuries."

"Pete, this is Dr. Richard Burke," said Monica. "I've known him like for ever, since I was a child."

"Pleased to meet you," said Pete fairly cordially. "Are you arriving or departing?"

"Departing," said Richard. "And not a moment too soon," he added sharply. "The food was good, but maybe it just seemed that way because, by the time it arrived, I would have eaten a horse raw, _and_ its saddle and bridle."

Monica shrieked with laughter. It was the kind of thing that Richard had used to say sometimes that really tickled her. Richard smiled and her heart turned over. God, don't _do_ this to me, she said in her head. Don't make me have to choose between them.

"You were on your own?" Pete was saying.

Richard looked a little embarrassed. "No. I, um, had a date, but she, er, walked out on me." His face had gone slightly red. "I, er, kept looking over at Monica."

Monica felt herself go warm all over as he gazed at her. This isn't happening, she thought desperately. I _mustn't_ fall in love with Richard again. But …

"W-won't you sit down?" she said, then to Pete, "You don't mind, do you? We haven't seen each other for so long."

She got a fairly strong impression that Pete _did_ mind, but he agreed affably enough, though looking at Richard with suspicion. Richard sat down with almost indecent haste, directing another even higher intensity smile at her, which weakened her defences still further. Life was so unfair, she thought. All that time without a boyfriend, and now here were _two_ men who had been important to her in the past, both obviously interested. At least Richard could not offer her a job.

Richard accepted some of the wine that Pete offered him, and proceeded to enter into conversation. Monica had to hand to him, he was really good. Clearly aware that he was on delicate ground, he did not pay exceptional attention to her, but spoke mostly with Pete, discussing his success at such a relatively young age in admiring terms and even commiserating with him over his failure to make an impression in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Along the way, he cunningly managed to discover what the actual relationship between Pete and Monica was, as well as finding out how Monica was doing now. He showed considerable sympathy when she told the story of how she had catered a party for her mother and had ultimately triumphed.

"I've never understood this _thing_ Judy has, to be so critical and dismissive of you," he said, shaking his head. "It's almost like a compulsion."

"Well, in the end she did apologise and said she was impressed," said Monica, feeling an unexpected need to defend her mother. "She does that sometimes, you know; she'll recognise when she's gone too far. But … I guess I'll never match up to Ross, in her eyes." She sighed. "I wish I had Sandra Green for a mom, or even Phoebe's real mom, who sounds nice, if almost as weird as Phoebe."

"What's this?" said Richard, looking interested. "I thought Phoebe's mom committed suicide when she was fourteen."

"Yeah, I haven't heard this either," said Pete.

Monica told them the story, which led on to the events at the beach house. She managed to conceal anything to do with herself by keeping them focussed on Phoebe's discoveries, the Ross-Rachel-Bonnie saga, and Rachel's sudden display of amazing competence when Phoebe was stung by a jellyfish. But she suspected that Richard was not taken in by her assertion, in answer to a direct query, that nothing out of the ordinary had happened to her. An amused and knowing look had appeared on his face, and she could not keep eye contact. But he did not press it, for which she was grateful, and then she made them laugh by bringing them right up to date, with the story of how Joey had been tricked and all his and Chandler's furniture had been stolen.

"Man, things seem to keep happening to you people," said Pete. "Well, Monica, would you like to order a dessert?" Their waiter had appeared and was hovering.

"I'd better not," said Monica rather ruefully. "If I eat any more, I'm liable to bust right out of this dress."

"And wouldn't that be a pretty sight," said Richard with a deep chuckle.

Her eyes met his again, and the warmth in his expression made her feel almost faint. She could not seem to look away.

Pete gave a sharp cough. "Just coffee, then?" he said when Monica forced her gaze round to him. He was looking very suspicious again.

"Y-yes please," she stammered. "No, wait, I'll take a decaf."

"Coffee for you, Dr. Burke?" said Pete with rather icy courtesy.

"Thank you, I'll order my own," said Richard. "A brandy and espresso, please," he said to the waiter. "Separate bill."

"Certainly, sir," said the waiter, with considerably more deference than he showed to Pete. There was no doubt about it, Monica thought. Richard looked the part of the sophisticated diner-out, and for all his experience and money, Pete did not. She remembered how they had first met, when he came into the Moondance Diner for lunch. She couldn't imagine Richard doing that.

"Pete, we still haven't settled on a time to meet at the restaurant tomorrow," she burst out. Anything to take her mind off Richard.

"Neither we have," said Pete a bit formally. "Nine o'clock okay for you? I can't stay long."

"That's fine," she said. "I'm, I'm _really_ looking forward to it." She turned to Richard. "Pete's wants me to be head chef and manager for this nice little restaurant he owns."

"Really?" said Richard. "Does that mean you won't be available to accept outside commissions any more?" His eyes twinkled in a way she knew well.

"W-well, not necessarily," said Monica, thinking ohgodohgodohgod, don't _look_ at me like that. "I mean, Phoebe and I have been doing this together, so if it were in the next few days, yeah, I guess I'd be available, but anyway, maybe I could take some time off from the restaurant, for an old customer…" She stopped, aware that she was babbling.

"It's just, I'm thinking of throwing another party for my colleagues," said Richard casually. "Boring, but it's got to be done. They really appreciated your food the last time." He looked across at Pete. "Have you not made use of her talents that way? I tell you, the girl's a genius."

Monica found herself resenting his casually patronising tone, which made it sound as if she was about nineteen, but in a moment she recognised its intention, to suggest to Pete that Richard's interest in her was purely avuncular. It certainly worked, for Pete seemed to relax. Monica tried to avoid eye contact with Richard thereafter, but she could not shut out awareness of his presence, so close to her. It was no good: she was _far_ more attracted to him than to Pete, and she could only hope that it was not completely obvious.

Finally, to her relief, coffees were finished, everything was paid for, and Richard took a friendly farewell of them, giving Monica a brief handshake only. But the touch of his hand was like an electric shock; it took all her self-control not to gasp. 

Pete suggesting walking back to her apartment, since it was a fine night, and she was happy to agree, hoping the walk would calm her down. They chatted idly of this and that, until Pete suddenly said, "You two dated, didn't you?"

Monica gulped, but could see no sense in lying. "Yes," she said. "Getting over him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

Pete sighed. "Just my luck. But he is a bit old for you, isn't he?"

"Yeah," said Monica, "and he doesn't want more children – his own are my age – and I do, very much. So it couldn't go anywhere, and we broke up."

"Mmm," went Pete. "Now, I _do_ want children."

"Give me some time, Pete," Monica pleaded. "I need to get over seeing Richard again. He, he has this effect on me … I'm not saying I won't date you, but you must give me time."

"I was patient enough the first time," said Pete, grinning, "so I've had practice. Well, there's your apartment block over there. I think I'll say goodnight here, and hope to see you tomorrow."

"It will take something really major to keep me away!" said Monica enthusiastically. She remembered in time to embrace him carefully. They smiled at each other, touched lips, and then he went off to the limousine that had been prowling along beside them, turning to wave at her as he got in. He head still in something of a whirl, Monica crossed the road carefully and let herself into the apartment block, wondering how things had gone with the others.

When she got in, Rachel was sitting alone watching TV, but she switched off as soon as Monica entered and turned to smile at her from the couch.

"Long date," she said.

Monica grinned. "Yeah. Good movie?"

"It was kind of fun," Rachel conceded.

"Everyone else gone to bed?"

"Yeah," said Rachel. "Phoebe was tired, so she said, and Chandler was _not_ talking. He and Joey went off to play foosball or something. So, are you gonna tell me how it went, or do I have to drag the details out of you?"

Monica got herself some water and sat down. "You'll never believe what happened. Richard showed up while we were having dinner."

"Oh my God!" said Rachel, sitting bolt upright. "But … you're over him, right?"

"Oh Rach!" Monica sighed. "Every time I see him, it's like we're starting all over again." For the next quarter hour she poured out an account of the date, Richard's sudden appearance, and everything that happened thereafter, down to each individual glance. Rachel made a very good audience, playing close attention and frowning or gasping at appropriate points.

"So what am I gonna do?" Monica ended despairingly. "The man has got right under my skin. I feel _far_ more for him than for Pete … but it can't go anywhere! So what do I _do_ when he calls up, wanting me to cater another party for him, as I'm sure he will?"

"Well, you could turn him down," said Rachel judiciously. "That would be the smart move: nip this in the bud."

Monica's face showed pain.

"Or," Rachel continued, "you could see if he's changed his mind – about kids, I mean. Look, this is the second time he's run across you, and has he just looked embarrassed, said hi, nice to see you, and got away as quickly as he could? No, he's clearly got it just as bad for you as you have for him. Maybe he's had a change of heart. I think it would be worth finding out, anyway."

Monica beamed at her. "Sweetie, how great of you to give me a good argument for doing what I want to do anyway. So, how are you feeling about Chandler now?"

Rachel glowered. "He hardly said a word to me all evening."

"Poor Rach," said Monica sympathetically. "So you didn't have to fend him off?"

"I might have been part of the furniture," said Rachel bitterly. "Maybe he's had a change of heart too."

"Well, okay," said Monica. "I hereby authorise you to do your worst as far as he's concerned. And because you've been so supportive about it all, I will stick to my agreement. Linguine with marinara sauce for you tomorrow."

"Great!" said Rachel enthusiastically. "At least I'll get something out of it. Because I have this sort of feeling, the moment for him and me may have passed."

This view seemed strikingly confirmed when she discovered the next day, to her amazement and horror, that Chandler had called Joanna her boss and asked for a date, which she had been more than happy to give him.

-----

Author's Endnote: Sorry, still no room for Ross and Bonnie. Next chapter, I promise.


	9. Strange Behaviour

Chapter 9: Strange Behaviour

Author's Note: Just in case anyone notices – at the end of last chapter I deliberately changed the circumstances in which Chandler and Joanna got together again from what happens in the series. More such changes will be apparent below.

-----

The news that Chandler was dating Joanna reached Rachel by a roundabout route. The first to learn was Joey, who was shambling, half-asleep, towards the bathroom next morning when Chandler, already dressed and seated at the kitchen counter, stopped him.

"Don't go in there, Joe," he said. "Joanna's taking a shower."

"Joanna?" said Joey, swinging round, suddenly wide awake. "That was Joanna with you last night?"

Chandler flushed a little and nodded.

"I was wondering how you'd hooked up," said Joey. "Didn't sound like Janice, but whoever-it-was was calling the shots all right."

Chandler grinned. "Yeah, Joanna likes to boss. But it was fun."

"So – not such a big dull dud, eh?" said Joey. "But I thought you were interested in Rachel."

Chandler pulled a face. "I was, but she's clearly not interested in me." He sounded rather bitter.

Joey looked at him closely. "Aw man, are you using Joanna to get back at her, for first seeming encouraging and then not?"

Chandler looked away.

"_Bad_ move," said Joey. "It'll only make her mad. Remember all that fuss when you dated Joanna the first time. You can't _prefer_ Joanna to Rachel?"

Chandler pulled another face. "No, but … you know what they say about birds and bushes."

Joey looked blank.

Chandler sighed. "The old proverb: a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

Joey still looked blank.

Chandler sighed more emphatically. "It means, if you've _got_ something, it's worth a lot more than what you _might_ get."

Enlightenment dawned. "Yeah, but … do you see this thing with Joanna going anywhere?" said Joey dubiously.

Chandler cocked an ear towards the bathroom. The sound of the shower had stopped.

"It's too soon to say," he muttered.

Just then the bathroom door came out, and Joanna emerged, wrapped in a towel.

"Morning," she said brusquely to Joey, and moved hastily to Chandler's bedroom.

Joey looked after her. "Rachel's worth … _six_ of her," he commented. "Well, is it okay if I tell the others?"

Chandler smiled just a little maliciously. "Yeah, go ahead. Let me know how Rachel takes it."

"I'm disappointed in you, man," said Joey, and went into the bathroom. While there, he pondered how best to break it to Rachel. Never one to use subtlety, he decided to do it over breakfast, on the assumption that Chandler and Joanna wouldn't show up in Monica's apartment. Indeed, when he left the bathroom, Chandler had made coffee and was cooking Joanna pancakes. Joey dressed hurriedly and went over.

"Hey, Joe!" said Rachel, who was sitting at the table, looking entrancingly neat in her business clothes, while Monica moved around the kitchen area in an old t-shirt and jeans. "What's new? Where's Chandler?"

"Um, well, that's what's new," said Joey. "He's, er, in our apartment, making breakfast for Joanna."

"For _Joanna_?" Rachel and Monica chorused in amazement.

"Uh huh," said Joey, looking at Rachel particularly. "She was … there overnight."

For a moment Joey was sure he saw pain in Rachel's eyes. "Oh _crap_," she said heavily and looked away.

Monica was gazing at her anxiously. "I'm so sorry, sweetie," she stammered.

Rachel sighed. "It's okay, Mon. It's not your fault. No one could have predicted this. Janice, maybe – that I could understand – but this!!" She got up and went to take a tissue. "Goddam loose eyelashes," she said over her shoulder in a slightly shaky voice as she dabbed at her eyes.

Joey felt sympathetic. Evidently she did have feelings for Chandler, but for some reason had not been showing it. Anxious to change the subject, he remembered something.

"Hey, your date with Pete!" he said excitedly to Monica. "How did that go?"

"It was going … well," said Monica cautiously. "Until, um, Richard showed up."

"Oh Mon!" Joey groaned, sitting down and helping himself to cereal. "So, was he interested?"

Monica eagerly launched into a complete dissection of Richard's behaviour. Rachel joined in with supporting comments after a while, and then Phoebe arrived and the whole topic had to be gone over again. Anyone could see that Monica was really excited about this development.

"Joey," said Rachel eventually, "would you check if Joanna's still in your apartment? Because if she is, I don't see why I should bust my ass getting to work."

"Joanna's over there?" said Phoebe with a look of great interest.

"Yeah," said Joey. "She was with Chandler last night."

Phoebe looked at Rachel, who was gazing at the tabletop with a strained expression. She reached across and patted Rachel on the shoulder, but said nothing.

"Rach, if you want to get one over on Joanna, you should get to work _before_ her," said Monica. "Then when she shows up you can ask if she got held up on the subway or something."

Rachel smiled at her. "Good thinking. So, linguine this evening?"

"Yup," said Monica, "and my own marinara sauce. And because this won't take much work, you shall have a surprise starter and dessert."

Rachel grinned vividly and rushed off to clean her teeth.

"Why's she getting special food?" asked Joey in an aggrieved tone.

Monica and Phoebe looked at each other. "If you tell him, he'll only tell Chandler," said Phoebe.

Joey became suspicious. "This all has something to do with you and Chandler, doesn't it?" he said to Monica.

Monica sighed, "Yeah," but didn't elaborate. Joey looked enquiringly at Phoebe, who grinned and shook her head.

"It's no use your making eyes at me, Joey Tribbiani," she said firmly. "I'm not telling their secrets."

"Good for you, Pheebs," said Rachel as she came through. "Well, see you guys later."

Joey decided to take the bull by the horns. He followed her and called, "Hey, Rach," as she was nearly at the head of the stairs. She turned back.

"Look, what _is_ it between you and Chandler?" he said in frustration.

She only looked at him for a moment, but he thought she seemed sad. "Nothing, now," she said, before hurrying away.

Joey felt sure this was not true, but was otherwise no clearer about what was going on. He shrugged and returned to his own apartment, to find Joanna sitting on Chandler's lap and gazing fondly into his eyes. Chandler was looking a bit uncomfortable, but that might be because Joanna was no lightweight. Quite unfazed, she got off Chandler's knee to sit on a stool and looked calmly at Joey.

"You must be Joey," she said. "You're an actor, Chandler says."

Joey gave her his practised grin. "I certainly am. Maybe you remember me as Dr. Drake Ramoray." When she looked blank, he added, "In Days Of Our Lives."

"Of course!" she cried. "I knew I'd seen you somewhere." Her eyes twinkled. "You were _hot_ in that; why ever did they kill you off? But weren't you also in some advertisement that was plastered all over the city a year or two ago?"

"I do _not_ have syphilis," said Joey despairingly. "I'm just the guy they photographed for the ad."

Joanna laughed merrily. "_I_ know that … but I bet it cramped your style for a while."

Joey sighed in agreement.

"But not for long," said Chandler rather acidly. "I guess all the girls must have realised eventually, you can't catch syphilis through a condom."

"You get a lot of girls, do you, Joey?" Joanna asked in a rather flirty manner.

Joey smiled in a self-satisfied way. "I do all right."

"Would that cover Rachel, maybe?" asked Joanna in an apparently casual way.

"Hell no!" said Joey, shocked at the suggestion. "She's my _friend_. Besides – " Involuntarily he glanced at Chandler, who stared back at him impassively. "She … she wasn't happy, Chandler," he blurted out.

Chandler nodded, his expression suggesting satisfaction rather than anything approaching remorse.

"Can I talk to you for a moment? I mean, like in private?" said Joey rather desperately.

Joanna did not look best pleased, but she got to her feet. "I guess I should be heading for work anyway," she said. She blew a kiss to Chandler. "Call me." Gathering up her coat and purse, she left in an unhurried manner.

"Look, Chandler," said Joey when she was gone, "Rachel was _really_ upset when she heard you had Joanna over here, and not because she was afraid for her job like before. She was _sad_. I even asked her what was between you and her, and she said, 'Nothing, now', like she wanted there to be."

Chandler looked obstinate, and did not say anything.

"You _really_ want Joanna more than Rachel? You're nuts, man. Who wants to be bossed around in bed? And Joanna's older than you," said Joey, grasping for any arguments he could think of to get Chandler seeing sense.

"You've been known to go with older women," said Chandler a bit defensively. "Well, I gotta get to work." He went off towards the bathroom, leaving Joey shaking his head in perplexity. He could not understand anyone preferring Joanna to Rachel. Rachel was _hot_, and though Joanna was attractive, "hot" was not a description that sprang to mind when you saw her, even wrapped in a towel.

-----

"I mean, if it was Janice, I could understand," Rachel said once more. "They have this _long_ history, and anyway, if you ignore her voice and her laugh and stuff like that, she's really quite attractive. And she's our age, which Joanna definitely is not."

Bonnie nodded sympathetically. They were sitting in Central Perk, where she had arrived to meet Ross for lunch, to find Rachel sitting, gazing into space with a brooding look. Asking if anything was wrong had prompted a great outpouring of a whole complex situation with Chandler, Monica, Rachel's boss Joanna, and not just one but two ex-boyfriends of Monica's. Bonnie thought she had got it all straight, but now here was a Janice being thrown into the mix.

"So," she ventured, "Chandler has a history of going back to this Janice?"

"Uh-huh," said Rachel. "But the last time the break-up was really bad, because he was truly in love with her, but Joey saw her kissing her husband, and he found out she still had feelings for him. They decided that she should go back to her husband for the sake of their daughter, though at the end there Chandler didn't want her to. He took a long time to get over it."

Bonnie thought her brain was trying to expand beyond the confines of her skull as she tried to assimilate all this information. "Jeez, Ross never told me any of this," she commented.

Rachel grinned a little. "Ross was never personally affected by any of it, except that he didn't care for Janice, but then, neither did the rest of us, except maybe Phoebe. So he wouldn't tell you about it. But I remember you said, you heard all about Carol, and me, and the great big dumb stupid _break_, and all of that." She sounded bitter.

Bonnie looked a little worried. "Rachel, you _are_ over him, aren't you? I mean, I don't like to think that my being with Ross is still hurting you."

Rachel smiled at her. "That's nice of you. Yeah, I truly think I am over him. But I still get mad when I think how _unreasonable_ he was, and as you can see I'm feeling a bit low anyway, with this Chandler thing."

Bonnie's expression returned to sympathy. "Yeah, men can be a pain in the ass, all right. That's why I switch over to women sometimes, just to give myself a rest from all the hassle." She cocked an eye at Rachel. "You ever think of doing that?"

Rachel choked on her coffee. "Bonnie!" she spluttered. "Really!" She set the cup down and pulled a handful of tissues from her purse to wipe the coffee off her skirt.

"Well, look," said Bonnie, quite seriously, "you know Carol and Susan, right? You know they're not like satanists or anything, nor do they go around in overalls and boots. They're just ordinary folks. Many lesbians are attractive, like them, and quite capable of appreciating a hot girl like you without wanting to play butch-femme games and all that. Don't tell me you've never thought about it, or even kissed another girl."

"Well, I have done that," said Rachel, looking a little flushed. "My best friend Mindy, at camp when we were teenagers, she taught me to kiss, and then my sorority friend Melissa, we got drunk and made out a bit once. But honestly, Bonnie, I don't think I could take it seriously."

"You wouldn't have to," said Bonnie earnestly. "Just treat it as fun, of a kind you can have without worrying about the consequences, the way you're liable to do with a man. It can be great fun, with a woman. You've heard what they say, that women know what pleases other women best? Well, it's true." She moved a little closer to Rachel on the couch, put a hand along its back, close to Rachel's head, and looked into her eyes.

Oh my God, she's coming on to me, Rachel thought. What is it about me? First Phoebe, then Bonnie. She realised that, though they had all known from the start that Bonnie swung both ways, this side of her had rather got ignored, despite her stories, because she had seemed so aggressively heterosexual with Ross. 

Keep calm, she admonished herself. You're an adult, you can handle this. No need to alienate her, when she's friendly. "Um, I think the trouble with doing things just for fun," she said aloud, affecting a calmness she did not really feel, "is that, well …" She hesitated, and found her theme. "Yeah, what I think is, that's never all that's going on. What one person thinks is just fun, another may take seriously. Look at a lot of Joey's girls. And when we came in here, a little bit drunk, and just for fun kissed Gunther and Joey and Chandler, that _hurt_ Gunther, though I never meant to."

Bonnie was leaning back again, with a slightly wry smile. She nodded. "A fair point. Okay, but … would you at least bear what I said in mind?"

Rachel wondered how Bonnie could possibly square coming on to her with her relationship with Ross. Was she getting bored with Ross? Monica had refused to believe that the relationship would last, but had that been just out of loyalty to her? She decided to make her position even clearer.

"Yeah, but Bonnie, bear what I said in mind too," she replied in a low voice. "And maybe you should talk about this with Pheebs. And also, if you're getting tired of Ross, please try to let him down lightly. I meant what I said. I do feel I'm over him, like I wasn't before, and so I'm _not_ gonna be there in the wings, waiting to take him back, if you drop him."

Bonnie's look was now serious, but whatever she might have been about to say was lost when Monica came in, seeming extremely pleased, and greeted them effusively.

"I love my life!" she crowed. "That restaurant is just _perfect_, and the people there now are good – I think I'll get along with them. And it's all agreed, I've signed a contract, and I start tomorrow!"

She seemed so excited that Rachel found it impossible not to get up and hug her. "I'm so pleased for you, honey," she said. "This is what you've wanted for so long."

Bonnie got up and hugged Monica too, a little too affectionately, or so it seemed to Rachel, but Monica did not appear to notice anything unusual.

"So, how did you get on with Pete?" Rachel asked as they sat down again together.

Monica pulled a slight face. "Well, it's clear he wants to start again," she said, "but he's being a gentleman about it. He never even hinted that I should start dating him again out of gratitude – just looked at me with big puppy dog eyes." She sighed. "I really don't know how I feel. Damn Richard, for showing up and getting me all … excited." She sighed again. "I'd _like_ to feel for Pete what I felt for Richard, but … it's just not there."

"It wasn't there the first time either, for quite a while," said Rachel. "What you ought to do is keep going out with Pete. I mean, Richard hasn't called, has he?"

"I don't expect him to do it the very next day," said Monica, looking rather obstinate. "No, I'm gonna give him a little time."

She walked to the counter to get a coffee, and as she did so Ross finally came in. He beamed when he saw Bonnie and Rachel together. "It's so great that you guys can be friendly," he said. 

Bonnie smiled at him. "I think it's great too. Maybe I should meet Carol some time; you seem to have good taste in women."

Ross looked a bit taken aback. "Um, I'm not sure that would be a good idea," he said. "For one thing, Susan might … take your interest the wrong way."

"Might she?" said Bonnie easily. "Well, okay, what about Julie? Everything I've heard about her suggests she was very nice."

"Oh, she was," said Monica, sitting down beside them. "But why are we talking about the women in Ross's past?"

"Well, it's interesting, you know," said Bonnie. "When you're like me, you kind of get to speculating about the other women that a guy you like has been out with."

Ross was now definitely looking alarmed, but he bit back whatever comment he had been about to make, and clearly had thought of a joke instead, for he began to grin.

"Maybe you should drop in at the copy shop and check out Chloe," he said jocularly.

Rachel could scarcely believe her ears. He thought that was _funny_? She looked down at the table, flushing with mortification.

Bonnie looked at her, and suddenly her face set. "Oh yeah, the great on-a-break one-night stand," she said in a hard voice. "If I were you, Ross, I wouldn't bring that up. You didn't come out of it looking any too good." She leaned across and patted Rachel on the knee lightly. "I truly sympathise, Rachel."

"Thanks, Bonnie," Rachel said huskily, trying to blink back tears as the pain suddenly came alive in her again.

Ross was gaping, temporarily incapable of speech, presumably because his constant cry, "We were on a _break_!" had been pre-empted by Bonnie. "You're … you're taking _her_ side?" he finally said in an amazed voice.

Bonnie looked him directly in the eye. "Yeah, Ross. I know, if it hadn't happened you and I wouldn't be together, but … like I said, it would be wise to lay off that topic" she said quietly. "Please give up trying to make everyone else see it your way and let it go. The sooner you do that, the sooner we can all forget about it."

Ross was glowering and making mouth movements like a landed fish as he kept starting to say something and then biting it back. Finally he stood up. "I, I don't think I … want to be here just now," he said in a choked voice. "I'll call you." He marched out, looking deeply offended.

Bonnie looked apologetically at Rachel. "I didn't mean for that to happen," she said. "But he started it, didn't he?"

Monica moved next to Rachel and put an arm round her. "He certainly did. Are you okay, Rach?"

Rachel drew a breath and nodded, though she couldn't smile. "I guess so. But, Bonnie, you may have blown the whole relationship right there."

"Maybe," said Bonnie. "But I'm certainly not apologising to him. Maybe I asked for it, but it was a cheap shot, and he should have known it would hurt you." She looked at them seriously. " I guess you two have had to face the problem now and then, how much will you put up with in a man, if in some ways he's really great, but in others he makes you want to slap him a good one right across the chops? Well, I can tell you, that made me think, maybe it's time to switch sides again." She grinned at their startled and slightly apprehensive expressions. "But don't worry, I won't try any more moves on either of you. I've got the message. Only," she suddenly looked slightly apprehensive herself, "if Ross does decide to break up with me, would you mind if I went on dropping by now and then? Because I _like_ hanging out with you guys, and this is a cool place to do it. I get to see more of Phoebe too."

"Sure, Bonnie," said Rachel. "I wouldn't have any objection. But you're liable to get the big freeze from Ross."

"That's his problem," said Bonnie, getting to her feet. "See you." She smiled, wiggled her fingers at them and walked out.

Monica and Rachel waved back, then looked at each other, said simultaneously, "She came on to you too?" and laughed for a moment at the sheer ludicrousness of it.

"She's an original," said Monica.

"Yeah," said Rachel.

Monica looked at her. "Do you think we should tell Ross?"

"Something's telling me we should," said Rachel slowly, "but now I think, what's the point, if they're breaking up anyway? It'll only make him feel worse." She was silent for a moment, then burst out, "You know, it would serve Ross right if she did keep coming around after they had broken up. That was so _insensitive_ of him, to bring up Chloe." All at once, she sounded near tears.

Monica sighed, and put an arm round her. It seemed that, whatever she might say, Rachel was not fully over the pain of nearly getting back together with Ross and then having the possibility snatched away, and this had led her to mentally retract her forgiveness for the Chloe incident. She tried to put Ross's behaviour in perspective.

"Sometimes he just … does these things," she said musingly. "He always has. Mom never called him on it when he was a kid, and I guess when Chandler was his room mate he didn't point them out strongly enough either. Now that I think about it, when he was with Carol he didn't use to put his foot in his mouth like that." She shook her head. "Breaking up with her really brought his bad habits back to the surface, I think."

Rachel nodded, but she wasn't thinking about Ross any more. She was thinking about Chandler.

-----

Endnote: And if anyone thinks, "No, Ross would never behave like that," check out the end of 5,15, and his performance when visiting Carol on her and Susan's anniversary night in 3,18. Sometimes his insensitivity makes me despair.


	10. Another Breakup?

Chapter 10: Another Breakup?

Author's Note: I am really sorry it has taken so long to update this. I have let other things distract me. Since I have many ideas for the next chapter, I hope I will be putting it up soon.

-----

Once she had begun thinking about Chandler, Rachel found it difficult to stop, and it was hard to get down to work that afternoon. Chandler's face, his eyes, his slightly crooked smile kept intruding on her thoughts, and she had to keep tearing herself away from memories of their one kiss. Luckily, Joanna seemed to be having a long lunch break, or she would undoubtedly have had something to say about her assistant's constant daydreaming. In fact, she did not return until 2.45. She swanned into the office smiling, acknowledged Sophie's greeting in a queenly but for once fairly amiable fashion, cast a glance at Rachel that seemed to be both patronising and triumphant, and then went into her office, leaving the door open. In a moment her voice could be heard loud and clear.

"Chandler! I just called to say, what a great lunch date that was. You're such fun!"

Rachel gritted her teeth.

"I just had an idea," Joanna went on in an arch voice. "Are you doing anything for dinner? Well, why don't you drop round? It won't be anything fancy, this is spur of the moment, but I'm sure I can rustle up something edible. Shall we say seven? Oh yes," she rattled off a Chelsea address. "See you then." A kissing sound was heard, and then the phone was replaced.

Rachel found she was gripping a pen so hard it was hurting her fingers. Momentarily she wished it were a sword, to run Joanna through with.

Sophie looked at Rachel sympathetically and went over as if to show her some papers. "She's being deliberately mean, isn't she?" she murmured. "You're interested in Chandler too, and she knows it?"

Rachel could not hide the truth. "Yeah," she said sadly, nodding. "It's all gone wrong." Even to say this much made her feel close to crying, but she did not want to give Joanna the satisfaction. Squaring her shoulders and blowing her nose firmly, she tried to concentrate on her work, and made some progress. But it was still a relief when it was time to leave and she could go back to the apartment and pour out her woes to Monica. By that time she had got over the immediate impulse to throw herself on her shoulder and burst into tears, and she was able to make Monica laugh with an exaggerated impression of Joanna's return to the office. But it was still hard to report her phone conversation with Chandler without breaking down.

Monica's face set in an expression of cold fury. "The utter _bitch_! God, you'd think a woman that age would be above such high school behaviour. 'I've got him and you haven't, nyah nyah!' Well, sweetie, why don't you have a nice cool drink and relax? Your first course is in the oven and we should be able to eat in about twenty minutes."

Rachel had been too concerned with her problems to notice. Now she sniffed the air.

"Ooh, Mon," she said in sudden elation, "it's not … stuffed mushrooms?"

Monica nodded, smiling at her sudden enthusiasm. "Funghi alla parmigiana, in restaurant speak. Nothing like good food to make things look better."

-----

A good deal later, Rachel sat back in her chair with a sigh of complete satisfaction.

"Stuffed mushrooms, linguine, _and_ zabaione!" she said happily. "Mon, that was absolutely _delicious_, every mouthful. Your restaurant customers are gonna think they've died and gone to heaven. Thank you so much." She raised her wineglass in a toast.

Monica smiled at her vividly. She always liked having her cooking skills praised. "You deserve it, sweetie. You've gone along with my Chandler thing very patiently, and you've not thrown it up at me now that he's gone off after Queen Bitch Joanna." She shook her head. "I can't believe _that_ will last. Um, talking of the restaurant, there's something I wanted to say." She looked down at the table and fiddled with her glass. "It's gonna take a lot of my time, and I mean a _lot_. I'm to be general manager as well as chef, so I'll be there long hours, especially to start with. I may not be feeling like doing much fancy cooking when I get home. But on the day we're closed I can do stuff, like preparing your favourites, for you to heat up." She looked at Rachel uneasily, knowing that in a sense she was not keeping her side of the bargain.

Rachel nodded. "It's your big break, honey. How about the apartment? Will you really have time to clean and stuff, the way you said?"

"Not as often as I do now," Monica acknowledged, "but I won't let it get dirty, and I _will_ keep your room tidy. I've been working things out. Even if I'm there for the lunchtime shift, which I don't expect to be every day, I shouldn't have to leave very early, and I ought to be able to come back sometimes in the afternoon break."

Rachel drank some more. The food had been so great that she was feeling very well disposed towards Monica. "Don't worry about it," she said. "Breakfast in bed at the weekend _would_ be nice, but as I haven't had to keep stalling Chandler as much or as long as I expected, well … let's just see how she goes. I'd feel guilty if you exhausted yourself."

"Just the idea of having my own restaurant makes me full of energy," said Monica enthusiastically. "Look, I've had an idea. Why don't you and the others come and eat at the restaurant my first night – my treat, of course? I can put you in the window, with Pheebs and Joey and Bonnie and Ross, so anyone can see it must be a good place, with such cool young people dining there." She grinned at Rachel. "If you dressed in your best, people might take you for an up-and-coming Hollywood actress and think they'd seen you in something."

Rachel beamed in appreciation of Monica's flattery. "Great idea, though I'm not sure Ross and Bonnie are gonna be together any more."

Monica sighed. "Yeah, that's right, I was forgetting what happened this morning. Well, maybe just you and Pheebs and Joey, then. You'd make a handsome group."

"Not Chandler?" said Rachel a little sadly. "He'd feel _very_ left out."

"He'd want to bring Joanna, wouldn't he?" said Monica. "No way am I giving _her_ free food."

"You could try inviting him on his own, saying you just wanted your particular friends," Rachel pointed out.

Monica could see that she wanted Chandler to be there, even if they were not dating, and felt sympathetic. "Okay, sweetie," she said. "I'll tell Joey to make it clear to Chandler, he's invited but she isn't. And I'll call Ross. Do you want some coffee?"

Rachel shook her head. "Maybe just a drop more wine would be nice."

There was little more than a drop each in the bottle. Monica emptied it and placed it by the sink ceremoniously.

"I hope this'll help me sleep," she said. "I'm gonna need a really clear head tomorrow, for my first day."

"Here's to your success!" said Rachel, draining her glass. Monica followed suit, and realised at once that it had made her a little drunk. She decided to start clearing the table, in hopes that being active would take the drunken feeling away, but once she had done so she collapsed onto the couch, and grinned ruefully at Rachel.

"Coffee would have been better," she said.

"Oh Mon, have I encouraged you into drunkenness?" said Rachel with fake remorse. She went and sat by her, patting her knee in a friendly way. They caught each other's eye and for a moment all the closeness and love between them was in their gaze. But then the mood was shattered as someone hammered on the door, on which Monica had put a notice "Private Party" to keep out the ever-hungry Joey.

Monica jumped up. "Who is it?" she called.

"Ishme!" shouted Ross, sounding drunk.

Hastily Monica went to unlock the door. Ross stumbled in.

"You're drunk!" Monica cried accusingly.

"Yeah, uh-huh," Ross said, collapsing on the couch and grinning goofily at Rachel. "Yer lookin' ve'y beaurifu' toni', Rayshel."

"Thank you, Ross," she said lightly. "What's brought this on?"

Ross frowned in an evident effort to think. "I'm, I'm … tryinarememmer," he produced first, then rubbed his forehead. "Oh, oh yeah," his face fell, "me 'n' Bonnie … we're, um, we're through." He sighed deeply.

"Oh Ross, I'm sorry," Rachel said. "Was it over that thing you said, about Chloe?"

Ross's face darkened. "Yeah. She took your shide, didnshe, an' she _wouldn'_ back down. Then she tol' me I wash getting' _borin'_!" He sounded very indignant. "Sho I shaid we were through an' walked out onner. Bur I washn' happy aboudit, and sho I wentinnabar to cheer m'shelf up." He beamed at them. "Now I'm feelin' fine." He laid his head back against the top of the couch and closed his eyes.

"You won't be tomorrow," said Monica censoriously. "You'd better have some black coffee."

"Don' wan' coffee," said Ross petulantly, opening his eyes again. He rolled his head to grin at Rachel. "Wouldn' min' a kish, though."

Before Rachel could reply Monica said fiercely, "She is not kissing you in this state! Ross, I'm surprised at you."

"Why can' I have a kish?" said Ross. "Ev'yone elshe gorrakish – even Gunther." Now he seemed melancholy.

"Ross, that was just fooling around," said Rachel soothingly. "And we were drunk, though I have to say, not as drunk as you are now."

He nodded, and suddenly fixed his eyes on her, trying to look serious. "I made a mishtake," he said heavily. "Ve'y ve'y bad mishtake, an' I'm shorry. Rayshel, can we shtart again?"

Rachel could not help it; she burst out laughing. It seemed so ridiculous, to come out with it just like that. But she could not be offended; he was so drunk.

He looked at her in owlish surprise, which only made her laugh more.

"Wassho funny?" he said, looking a bit mad.

Rachel struggled to control herself. "It doesn't work like that, Ross," she said. "You can't turn me on and off like a tap. Now, let me get this straight: you walked out on Bonnie? She didn't tell you that it was over?"

Evidently trying to work out what she was getting at, he nodded. "Uh huh."

"Then this may still be salvageable," she said. "Call her, call her _now_, and tell her you're sorry. Say you got drunk because you were so sad about it. It might just work."

Monica, who had quietly got on with making coffee, gazed at Rachel with open mouth. If it had been Chandler she had been advising, it would have been no surprise; they tried to help Chandler with his generally chaotic love life. But Ross? She really must be over him, she thought.

Ross had come to the same conclusion. "You don' love me any more," he said mournfully.

"No, Ross, I don't," she said calmly. "I'm sorry, but it's all gone. I love you as my friend, but nothing more."

Whatever Ross might have been about to say was pre-empted when there was a knock on the door and Joey called, "Is it okay to come in?"

With an almost audible sigh of relief Monica called, "Yeah, come right in, Joey, and take down the notice."

Joey entered, and Ross turned his head to look at him. "Rayshel doeshn' love me any more," he said in tones of sorrow.

Joey's eyes narrowed. "Are you drunk?"

"Yeah," said Ross, sounding proud of it. "I'm drunk ash a shkunk." He giggled. "Shay, thash funny."

"It's been used before," said Monica acidly. "He's broken up with Bonnie," she informed Joey. 

Comprehension dawned in Joey's eyes. "She dumped him?"

"No!" cried Ross, thumping his knee in emphasis. "I walked out onner, becaushe she didn' agree, Rayshel and me were onna_break_."

Joey groaned. "That old stuff! Ross, if you keep on bringing this up with any new girl, you'll never get anywhere with them. Let me tell you, first, they don't like to hear about your previous girlfriends, and second, they stick together."

"I still say, you ought to call her and apologise," said Rachel. 

Ross shook his head slowly to and fro on the couch. "Don' wanna." He closed his eyes. "Wanna go shleep."

"Probably the best thing, if you won't drink coffee," said Monica quietly. "Lie down on the couch and I'll get some blankets and a pillow. But get your shoes off first!" she snapped.

Ross smiled, his eyes shut. "Shame ol' Monica." He reached down and clumsily pushed his shoes off, then relaxed.

He was asleep and had started to snore when the phone rang. It did not disturb him. Monica answered; it was Bonnie.

"Is Ross there?" she asked in a subdued voice.

"He is," said Monica, "but he's asleep. He got very drunk." Crossing her fingers behind her, she went on, "He was really sorry for walking out on you."

"I hear you," said Bonnie.

There was a pause, and Monica made a decision. If Bonnie was prepared to try to revive her relationship with Ross, maybe she should try to help her, though one more incident like the very tentative pass she had made at her and that would be it.

She said, "Listen, Bonnie, how would you like to come to my first night in my new restaurant, and dress the house with Phoebe and Rachel, maybe others? On me, of course. We could, um, try to get Ross to come too."

"Don't pressure him into anything," said Bonnie, "but I'd go anywhere for a free meal that you had cooked." She suddenly sounded enthusiastic.

"See you there, then," said Monica. She cut the connection and looked across at Joey. "You're invited too, Joey, but if you bring a girl, I think you should pay for her. Oh, and tell Chandler he's invited too – but _not_ Joanna."

"What kind of food is it gonna be?" said Joey eagerly. "Will you be doing sixteen ounce steaks?"


	11. Unexpected Encounters in a Restaurant

Chapter 11: Unexpected Encounters in a Restaurant

Author's Note: A long chapter, but I've written it all out, and there's no obvious place to break it. Hang on to your hats, as developments come thick and fast.

Following criticisms from my sternest and most articulate critic, Cress, I have accepted that I have been allowing Bonnie to get away with things too easily. I have changed, slightly shaded and expanded my original account of her behaviour in this and the preceding two chapters, to show why Rachel and Monica do not immediately turn her in.

-----

"Now, all you have to do," said Monica, "is eat your food and drink your wine and look like you're having a good time, okay?"

"Yes, mom," said Phoebe, straight-faced, and the others all giggled or snickered and chorused, "Yes, mom."

Monica took no offence, but beamed at them. She was living a dream – entertaining her best friends in her own restaurant. As well as Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross were all there. So was Bonnie, but it did not seem that Ross had made any attempt to call Bonnie since he had sobered up, for relations had clearly not improved. They were not even sitting together; Phoebe and Joey were between them, and the atmosphere was a bit strained, though Joey and Phoebe did not know all the ins and outs of Bonnie's recent behaviour.

It was disappointing that Chandler couldn't make it. No doubt, he was out with Joanna again. But if this hurt Rachel, she wasn't showing it; she seemed determined to enjoy herself. Looking at her, Monica could not understand how Chandler could prefer Joanna over her. In a classic little black dress, with her hair up and a simple gold necklace and earrings, she looked absolutely stunning. The others had all made an effort too: the men were in tuxedos, Bonnie wore a quite conservative if figure-hugging dark red dress, and Phoebe wore the very attractive blue dress that she had worn on the night after the return from the beach hut. A fine group to put in the window, Monica thought.

"Now this is all on me," she said, "but don't overdo it, okay? No ordering stuff just to take home. Your appetisers should be here any moment. Most of them are vegetarian, Pheebs, and Joey, there will be two platesful, but they are for the whole table, not one for you and one for the rest."

There was more snickering. Joey grinned, unabashed. "So when do we get to see a menu?" he asked eagerly.

"Your waitress will be along when I move off," said Monica, "which I'm gonna do now, because I have to get moving in the kitchen. Enjoy yourselves, guys."

She was just turning away when a very familiar voice said, "Oh – my – _God_!" Looking to the doorway, she saw Janice in a rather flamboyant gold and black creation, beaming at her.

"_Don't_ you look the hotshot chef?" she said admiringly.

"Janice," said Monica, displaying a courtesy she did not feel, "how nice to see you. You heard about the restaurant, then?"

"I have my _sources_," said Janice with a sly look. "And, look, the whole gang's here except for Chandler. Where's he?"

"He, uh, he couldn't make it," said Monica. "He's dating Rachel's boss," she added in an undertone. "It's kind of a sore point with her, so it would be better not to mention it, or him, too much."

Janice nodded understandingly. "Sure, I'll keep off the subject then. _Hello_, guys." She advanced on the table, plainly intending to join them. Joey groaned audibly, but the others tried to put on welcoming expressions.

"Room for one _more_?" said Janice archly, following it with the dreaded laugh. She took a chair from another table and pulled in between Bonnie and Rachel. "I don't believe we've met," she said to Bonnie.

"Bonnie Taylor," said Bonnie, smiling at her and holding out her hand.

"Janice Litman," said Janice, taking the hand. "And how do you know the gang?"

"I'm a friend of Phoebe's," said Bonnie. She glanced at Ross and added after a perceptible pause, "And I have been dating Ross."

Janice glanced at Rachel, evidently noticed that this did not seem to upset her, and simply nodded. Monica decided to beat a hasty retreat, and vanished into the kitchen.

"Well, you're all looking very _soign_," Janice remarked, surveying them admiringly, "especially you, Rachel. But you have no date?"

"No, we all came to make a show on Monica's first night," Rachel explained, "at her invitation," she added in an insistent tone.

But Janice seemed impervious to hints. "Well, it's great to see you all," she said, appearing quite sincere. "So, Bonnie, what do you do for a living?"

Bonnie began to talk with her, and everyone relaxed a little. Making conversation with Ross and Bonnie obviously on bad terms had been difficult. Then a smiling waitress arrived with two plates of appetisers. She looked at Janice a little dubiously.

"Are you one of Miss Geller's guests, miss?" she asked. "I was told, for five."

Janice looked uncertain, and Bonnie leaned forward and whispered.

"Oh, oh I _see_!" said Janice. "Why didn't you guys _say_? No, I'm not her guest, just a friend, so run me a bill, please. I'd sure like to start with some of those _appetisers_." Seeming a little nervous suddenly, she looked around the others. "You guys don't _mind_ me joining you, do you?"

It occurred to Rachel that Janice might be rather lonely. Feeling more friendly now that it was evident that Janice had no intention of freeloading, she said, "No, stay now you're here." Phoebe said something similar. Joey's face fell a bit, but he didn't openly object.

Janice smiled at them gratefully. "I'll do my best to _behave_," she said, a remark which made Rachel wonder if Janice were more aware of her effect on others than she showed.

Certainly, after that Janice kept her voice down and rarely overdid her laugh. Bonnie seemed to take to her, and Rachel found, after listening to their conversation for a while, that Janice had many interests and could actually be pleasant to talk to, and she began to join in. Wine appeared on the table, orders were taken and brought, and in not too long everyone was well into their main courses and having a great time, since whatever they ordered, the food was as good as they had hoped, and the wine was good too.

Then Chandler and Joanna made an entrance, Chandler in a well-fitting tuxedo and Joanna in an impressively tailored women's business suit. She smiled at the group in queenly fashion.

"Why, Chandler, here are all your friends," she said, "and so charmingly dressed up too!" She said it patronisingly, as if they were teenagers at their first grown-up dinner party. "But this table seems full enough – let's take one over there."

Arm around him possessively, she steered him to a table that was out of easy speaking distance from the group's table. Once they were seated, she proceeded to make a big show of affection for him, running a hand along his arm and gazing soulfully into his eyes, quite oblivious to the fact that this was evidently embarrassing him. 

Suddenly all Rachel's pleasure in the evening had gone. The food seemed tasteless. She looked down at her plate, trying not to show her feelings.

"Bitch!" Phoebe hissed, glaring at Joanna, who was now playfully kissing Chandler's fingers. Most of the time she was behaving as if Chandler's friends were nowhere in the vicinity, but Phoebe had just caught her glancing at Rachel and seeming to enjoy Rachel's downcast appearance.

Janice looked at Phoebe in surprise. "What's going on?" she muttered, leaning past Bonnie..

"Joanna knows Rachel has feelings for Chandler," Phoebe replied, "and so _naturally_ she's rubbing her nose in the fact that she's got Chandler and Rachel hasn't. I mean, that's what anyone would do, right?"

Janice's brows came down, her mouth set, and a frown gathered on her features as she observed Joanna's behaviour for a short time. Then the frown vanished as she got to her feet.

"Hey, Chandler _Bing_!" she cried, loud enough to be heard all over the restaurant. "You didn't say hi!" She walked over to their table, beaming ingenuously. "How are you keeping? You're looking good. And who is this, some friend of your _mother's_?"

Phoebe, who was by now listening intently, like half the restaurant, made a bursting noise and put her hand over her mouth. Bonnie grinned broadly and turned to watch, while Rachel's mouth twitched and she raised her head.

"And who might you be?" said Joanna very frostily.

"Janice Litman," said Janice, holding out a hand cheerfully. "I used to date Chandler." 

Looking almost hypnotised by Janice's ebulliently straightforward approach, Joanna took the hand, saying "Joanna Waterman." Then she dropped it hastily.

"Well, _I'm _dating him now," she said, sounding rather mad.

"You?" said Janice incredulously. Then she bent double, giving out her laugh at full strength and slappingher thigh. Joanna flushed.

"Oh boy, great gag," Janice gasped, straightening up. "You do that _really_ well. I quite believed you for a moment."

"I assure you it's true," said Joanna icily. "Tell her, Chandler."

"Um, it's true, Janice," said Chandler, who was looking as if he wanted to be anywhere but there.

Janice made a big production of looking at him, then at Rachel, then at Joanna, with very obvious amazement. "Well," she said slowly, "I, er, I knew you had, um, _hang-ups_, Chandler, but …" She shook her head. "Sorry to have bothered you, Ms Waterman." She turned away, muttering to herself, in a tone quite loud enough to be widely audible, "Geez, I don't know … some kind of Oedipus complex maybe?"

By now Phoebe was rocking to and fro in her chair, producing strange chicken-like sounds through a handkerchief jammed in her mouth, tears streaming from her eyes. Joey and Bonnie had hands over their mouths and Ross was red in the face from trying to hold in laughter. Rachel was still looking at the table rather than at Chandler and Joanna, but she was grinning.

In contrast, Joanna was extremely tight-lipped, and she was looking daggers at Janice's back. Abruptly she stood up. 

"Come on, Chandler," she said. "Let's eat somewhere that isn't infested with your ex-girlfriends." She marched past the group's table, completely ignoring them. Rachel did not look up, but when Chandler followed Joanna in rather hangdog fashion and paused for a moment, as if wanting to say something, her eyes lifted involuntarily to his.

"Come, Chandler," said Joanna sharply from the doorway.

"Come along, good doggie. Woof woof, coming, mistress," Janice remarked clearly as Chandler went towards the door, causing an outburst of snickering and subdued laughs throughout the restaurant. Ross, Bonnie and Joey all gave up the attempt to stifle their laughter and lay back in their chairs, momentarily overcome, while Phoebe dropped her head into her hands, making a sound almost like sobbing. Only Rachel did not laugh.

With an expression of utter fury Joanna took a step forward, and silence fell. Janice sat back in her chair, regarding her through suddenly slitted eyes and smiling slightly ferociously, showing her teeth. She seemed relaxed, but anyone close could see that her body was tensed and she held her hands free. Whatever Joanna saw in Janice's expression made her pause and think better of it. Turning on her heel, she hustled Chandler away.

"Woo _hoo_!" cried Phoebe when they were gone, punching the air. "Way to go, Janice!"

Bonnie slapped Janice on the back, and Joey stood up and reached a hand over the table. "Put it there, Janice," he said, with a broad grin. "You did _real_ good."

"Yeah," said Ross, almost as enthusiastic. "I've never seen it done better. Um, were you going to go for her? The way you held your hands …"

"No, I was gonna let her try to hit me first," said Janice, while shaking Joey's hand. "Believe me, if she'd laid a finger on me, I'd have _broken_ it. I've done some martial arts stuff."

"Well, you sure stuck it to her," said Bonnie admiringly. "It'll be a long time before she forgets that."

Janice was evidently pleased by all this praise, but she looked at Rachel a little anxiously. "I, uh, maybe I went a bit too far – but I was so mad! Okay, she's dating Chandler and you aren't, but does she have to be so _adolescent_ about it?"

"She's not a very nice person," said Rachel slowly. "You should see the way she treats Sophie, our department secretary. Yeah, I suppose that _was_ pretty funny ..." Her voice trailed off.

"But?" said Janice, now looking worried. "I think I hear a but there."

"Well, it just might cost me my job," said Rachel despondently.

"No way!" cried Janice in disbelief. "You mean, she'd try to sack you just because I made fun of her, and I was in your party? But, assuming you do your work okay, she's got no _cause_. No, if she tries _anything_ like that, you go over her head, appeal to _her_ boss, or even higher up. Why, you could threaten to sue for unfair dismissal – she'd be _toast_. I know a lawyer who'd take the case for_ nothing_. She hates these queen bitches who use their position at work to pay off _personal_ things. She's suffered from them, and so have _I_, which may be part of why I went for Joanna, I guess."

Rachel perked up, and she smiled at Janice. "Yeah, you're right. Sometimes, when you work in a department, you can't see beyond your department head, they're like God. Thanks, Janice, that makes me feel a whole lot better. Actually, I thought the whole thing was priceless." She began to giggle. "I loved the doggy bit."

"Well, I hope it will make Chandler _think_," said Janice seriously. "Does he want to be bossed around like she was his _mom_, or at least his aunt?"

Amid more laughter, Monica came over. She gave Janice her best smile. "I heard most of that," she said. "You have a good carrying voice, Janice." She held up a bill and tore it in half. "Anything you want tonight, it's on me. That mother thing was a stroke of genius. It cracked up the whole kitchen, even those who don't know the story behind it all."

"Why, thank you, Monica," said Janice a bit emotionally. "It _is_ nice to be appreciated."

"Yeah, here's to Janice," said Phoebe, raising her glass. "Have you used that line before, or did it just come to you?"

Having assured herself that everyone was having a good time, Monica went back into the kitchen, while the others plunged into an animated discussion, beginning from notable insults and put-downs that they had used or witnessed. Rachel joined in happily, making a private resolution to be nice to Janice from now on. The main motive for her actions could only have been a generous unwillingness to see Rachel's feelings hurt, and that spoke very highly for her, in Rachel's view. She looked forward to telling Sophie the whole story next day.

As her opinions were sought with a certain respect and her stories listened to and applauded, Janice seemed to blossom. A tension that had always been there in her dealings with the group seemed to evaporate, and they discovered a warm, friendly and intelligent personality, whose rather nasal voice and occasional machinegun laughter were no longer a problem. Joey was particularly attracted, and began to show signs of frustration at being seated so far from her and having to compete for her attention with the others. Bonnie also showed detectable interest. For her part, Janice responded to them cautiously but fairly positively.

The evening was clearly a success for the restaurant. All the tables were filled, often more than once, and it was not until well after nine that the pressure on the waiting staff and kitchen finally began to ease. Eventually Monica reappeared, still in her chef's outfit, made a round of the tables, and then sat with her friends to relax for a moment. She was a little surprised to see how well Janice was now getting on with the others, but seemed pleased by this development, if anything.

It was while she was there that she suddenly felt that someone was looking at her, and turned to see Richard in the doorway, looking very debonair. Her heart leaped, and she jumped to her feet.

"Richard, how great of you to come!" she cried, almost running forward in her eagerness to greet him.

"I couldn't stay away," he said, lightly enough, but his eyes had a very obvious warmth in them. They held each other's gaze for a moment, Monica flushing a little. Then Richard looked around.

"It seems things are going well," he said. He noticed the group's table and took in who was there. "Chandler not able to come?"

"He's, um, dating Rachel's boss at the moment," said Monica in a low voice, "and, um, they showed up later than the others and were going to sit separately, but then … something happened. Come on over; everyone would love to speak to you, I'm sure."

Richard was greeted warmly by those who knew him and introduced to Janice and Bonnie, both of whom showed open admiration. In fact, Bonnie made a big production of suggesting that she would be willing to receive offers of any kind, but though she was surely funning she did not get any encouragement from Richard and only succeeded in infuriating Ross – which might, of course, have been her intention.

Janice was more circumspect. She muttered to Rachel, "This is the Richard who Monica was so in love with, right?"

"Right," said Rachel quietly. "They only broke up because she wants children and he said he didn't. He's got children our age. It's sad, because they were very good together. They met again recently, and we're hoping he may have changed his mind."

Janice nodded. "Something's starting all over again, I'd say. Just my luck: I could have gone for him." She pulled a mock-woeful face.

Rachel giggled. She had to agree that the way Monica was looking at Richard, she could easily be in love with him again. But then she was summoned back to the kitchen, and went, offering Richard anything he wanted. He ordered a coffee and brandy and settled into the chair Monica had vacated, next to Phoebe, looking quite happy to stay there until the restaurant closed. He expressed interest in hearing the story of Chandler and Rachel's boss, and chuckled as Phoebe and Bonnie vied with each other to give him all the details, while Janice put on a modest look.

"Yeah, it does rather sound as if she deserved it," he said. "Mind, I wouldn't think it wrong of her to date him just because she's older. There's many more years between me and Monica, for instance."

"Oh, but that's different!" Phoebe said emphatically.

"How is it different?" said Richard, smiling at her.

"Don't _do_ that!" cried Phoebe, covering her eyes. "I go all weak at the knees. And there's your answer: you're, like, _hot_, and she isn't."

Richard laughed. "Well, clearly Chandler thinks she is. And it would be rather hard on a lot of people if only those who were acknowledged to be hot were allowed to date."

Phoebe pouted at being out-argued. "Well, he ought to be with Rachel, not with her," she grumbled. "She ought to find someone closer to her own age."

"Women's options get fewer as they get older," Janice put in. "All the good men have been taken. Of course, they do become free again, now and then." She looked slyly at Richard and gave a short burst of her laugh.

Richard grinned, then said in a serious tone, "Barbara and I married too young, I guess. When the children had left home, we had nothing much in common any more. It happens a lot. You guys take your time making up your mind who to marry. Then maybe it'll last the distance."

Ross sighed audibly, and Richard glanced at him. "Sorry, Ross," he said apologetically, "I didn't mean to twist the knife."

"No, it's okay," said Ross. "What you say makes a lot of sense, though we weren't real young, and no one could have predicted Carol would fall in love with a woman." He pushed back his chair. "I ought to be getting back. Gotta be at work tomorrow, same as usual." Suddenly he looked at Bonnie, with an expression that seemed to combine enquiry and a degree of apology, as if he wanted to make up but could not get the words out. It was an expression Rachel recognised.

But Bonnie said casually, "I don't think it's a good idea for us to go home together when we both have to go to work tomorrow. Maybe I'll just stay on here a while."

Ross's face closed. "Okay," he said in a cold voice, and went off to the kitchen to say goodbye to his sister.

"So, it's over, huh?" said Phoebe to Bonnie enquiringly.

Bonnie shook her head. "No, I haven't quite decided. But I'm not making up with him so easily. He had no call to make it some kind of loyalty test, that I support him over that 'We were on a break' crap."

Phoebe must have heard something about the quarrel, for she nodded and looked sympathetic. "He is, like, _obsessed_ over that. You'd think it wouldn't matter to him any more, now he is with you."

"Well, that's what I think," said Bonnie in an aggrieved tone. "But you try telling him that."

Ross re-emerged and came to the table. "Night, everyone," he said, with a rather dark glance at Bonnie.

"Call me, Ross, if you think you have anything to say," she said.

"No, I think I've said everything I want to say," he said heavily, and turned away. Bonnie stiffened slightly and seemed to sigh, then shrugged.

Once Ross had left, the others began to think of doing so. Then Monica emerged from the kitchen in day clothes.

"One thing about being head chef, you don't have to do all the cleaning up if you don't want to," she said, "and tonight, for a wonder, I don't. I freely admit it, I'm _beat_."

"Let me walk you home, or we can take a cab," said Richard.

She smiled at him tiredly. "I'll go for that. Thanks for coming, you guys, and please come again, but remember, next time you have to pay."

They laughed and bid her good night. Looking very happy, she went off on Richard's arm.

"Well, no bets on whether that's started up again," said Phoebe to Rachel when they had gone.

Rachel nodded. "I hope it works out this time."

"But what about Pete?" said Bonnie. "Is he gonna be left high and dry?"

As if responding to the mention of his name, Pete entered the restaurant, looked around, and came over to their table, smiling. "Is Monica still in the kitchen?" he asked.

"Why no, she, um, just left," said Rachel diplomatically.

"She was very tired," Janice said.

Pete nodded, looking disappointed. "I don't believe we've met," he said to Janice.

She introduced herself, and on learning his name looked very impressed. "I never knew you were so young," she said. "Why, you're our age."

Pete shrugged. "I was … driven to achieve, but it kind of got in the way of my personal life." He pulled a face. "That's always been my problem. I intended to come here an hour and a half back, but, well, something came up in the business."

"It must be a great responsibility," said Bonnie sympathetically. "Why don't you sit down and relax now, have a nightcap or something?"

Pete smiled and took the seat Richard had vacated. Noticing the empty brandy glass, he frowned slightly.

"Has Richard been here?" he asked Rachel.

"Um, yeah," said Rachel.

"They left together?" he pursued.

"Well … yeah," said Rachel reluctantly.

"But he was only seeing her home," said Phoebe quickly. "She really was tired."

Pete nodded, but continued to frown. Then his face cleared. "Would you people join me in a nightcap, perhaps?" he said, looking round.

"It really is my bedtime," said Janice, "which is a pity, because I'd like to get to_ know_ you better. One can't know too many _millionaires_!" She gave a brief rendition of her laugh, startling Pete rather.

When she stood up, Rachel did so too. "Let's get a cab together," she said. "Your apartment isn't too far from ours, is it?"

"Sure," said Janice.

"Joey, you coming?" Rachel asked.

"I think I might stick around a while," said Joey. "Unlike you guys, I don't have to go to work first thing. See you, Janice." He smiled at her easily.

"Yeah, don't be a stranger now, Janice," said Phoebe. "I'm sure we'll be pleased to see you in Central Perk, after this."

They left Joey, Phoebe and Bonnie with Pete. Bonnie was clearly showing an interest in him, but Phoebe looked as if she aimed to keep Bonnie under control.

"Do you think she meant that, and Joey?" said Janice to Rachel in the cab. "I mean, I have had the_ impression_ from time to time that I wasn't all that _welcome_, you know."

Rachel decided to be honest. "You weren't entirely wrong. But this evening you showed a side of your character that we did not really appreciate before, Janice." She looked at her seriously. "I think they did mean it, yes, and I also would be happy to see you in Central Perk. Maybe you could even explain modern art to me – or any art, come to that."

"It's a deal," said Janice, her eyes glinting with amusement, "though only if you ask. I'm not gonna be like Ross and his _science_. The poor guy just doesn't know how to put it _across_, or when to stop. Say, do you think Bonnie's gonna go after Pete Becker?"

"There's no telling what she'll do, when it comes to men," said Rachel rather severely. "And she's almost as bad with women. She's sort of come on to me, and Monica, and it looked to me like she was showing an interest in you before Richard turned up."

Janice whinnied with laughter. "Yeah, well … I've never, um, played on _that_ side. Wow, so she's really _liberated_, huh?"

"More like, obsessed with sex," said Rachel sharply, "and pretty unscrupulous about what she'll do if she sees something she likes, though in that respect she's not much different from Joey. But I find it hard to dislike her, or be as mad at her as she deserves. She has been very sympathetic to me over the breakup with Ross, so I'm giving her a little rope."

Janice smiled. "I hope you don't mind my saying this, Rachel, but you have _matured_ a bit, to be saying stuff like that. You guys always seemed to stick together and _condone_ faults like Joey's, when you would dislike them in someone else."

"We have _tried_ to show Joey where his behaviour is unacceptable, you know," Rachel objected. "It just doesn't seem to get through. As for the other, well, the way Ross has been behaving, I don't feel he has earned any _extraordinary_ loyalty from me. He picked Bonnie over me, which was kind of a wakeup call, if you think I've matured."

Janice looked a little blank, and Rachel realised that she did not know what she was referring to, and explained.

"Gee, Rachel, that's _tough_," said Janice, looking at her with real sympathy, "and now you're interested in Chandler, but it's not _going_ anywhere? Well, let's hope, after tonight, he may start seeing things in a different _light_."

"Let's hope so," said Rachel, smiling at her. "If he does, I'll be very grateful to you. Well, here we are."

-----

Endnote: I make no apologies for the way I have presented Janice, for whom I have always thought there was a lot to be said, especially in the earlier seasons. As with all the characters, the writers' portrait of her is potentially contradictory; I have chosen to emphasise the more positive elements.


	12. The One With a Few Bombshells

Chapter 12: The One With a Few Bombshells

Author's Note: Here finally is the next instalment; sorry about the delay. NB that Chapter 11 has had some absolutely final updates to make the Ross-Bonnie business slightly more coherent, and I have now introduced some corrections and expansions to this, following further discussion with Cress.

Some of the dialogue in this comes from Episode 4,3.

-----

Rachel woke early the following morning, and was immediately seized by a feeling of unease. How were Joanna and Chandler likely to react to the scene in the restaurant the previous night? Janice had provided her with a good defence if Joanna should threaten to sack her, but would she simply choose to make her life a misery? This seemed only too likely, and it was an unappealing prospect.

Just as nagging was worry over the Ross-Bonnie situation. She now regretted her readiness to overlook Bonnie's pass at her, her agreement with Bonnie's suggestion that she might continue to drop in at Central Perk, her later urging that Ross make it up with Bonnie. She had to face it: Bonnie had been behaving pretty damn badly. She had been to ready to make excuses for her and overlook her behaviour because she was friendly and sympathetic. But Bonnie really ought to have made up her mind, and not be making approaches to others, even if rather obliquely – nothing like the pass Paolo had made at Phoebe, by all accounts – before she had finally broken up with Ross. She did not have the excuse that Ross had had with Chloe, of being drunk and miserable, and to do Ross justice, Chloe had made all the running there.

The more she thought about it, the more she saw Bonnie as a sort of female Joey. Most likely, she had just been aiming at some fun when she came on to Rachel, just as Joey might do. But Rachel knew that she should not condone in Bonnie what she put up with, resignedly, in Joey. Bonnie was just not as close a friend as Ross, for all the problems she had had with him. She made up her mind that, if Ross showed any signs of regret over the breakup, she would tell him of Bonnie's pass. Feeling better for having finally made this decision, she jumped out of bed with a surge of energy, aiming to grab the bathroom before Monica. But when she walked into the living room in her robe, it was to see a very agitated Phoebe talking excitedly to Monica, who seemed to be trying to calm her down.

"I swear, I did try to stop it," Phoebe was saying.

"Pheebs, it's _okay_," said Monica soothingly. "If he has some fun with her, that's fine with me. He deserves some fun."

"What's up?" said Rachel.

"Bonnie went off with Pete last night," said Phoebe indignantly, "though she _knows_ there's something between him and Monica."

"Let's face it, more on his side than mine," said Monica. "I'm far more interested in Richard, I admit it."

"Ooh, did anything … _happen_ last night?" said Rachel excitedly. Phoebe too looked interested.

"No-o-o," said Monica slowly. "Richard was a perfect gentleman and didn't make any kind of pass. But it's clear, he's very interested in me again."

"I doubt he's ever stopped being interested in you," said Rachel rather tartly. "But, Mon, do you know if he's changed his mind about children? If not, what's the point?"

"Well, no, I haven't yet asked him whether he's changed his mind," said Monica a bit defensively, "but I aim to bring that up. Anyway, Pheebs, if anything I'm relieved that Pete has gotten interested in Bonnie, because it means he won't be mooning around after me. I just can't get back the feeling I had for him, whereas with Richard … _whoa!_"

"Um, Mon, do you think we ought to warn Pete about Bonnie?" said Rachel, looking a little nervously at  Phoebe. "Pheebs, you won't know this, but she made passes at each of us, even before the fight with Ross."

Phoebe sighed heavily. "That's Bonnie sometimes. She can be as bad as Joey. I put up with it because she's my friend, and in her case it's not so hard to understand."

They looked at her enquiringly.

"It's, like, textbook," said Phoebe. "She's a foundling, left on the steps of a Catholic-run orphanage. They made no effort to find her a foster family or anything, just raised her to be cheap labour as soon as she was old enough, and were aiming to push her into being a nun, so she says. But she sure rebelled against _that_! Ran away, lived on the street a while, got taken up by a woman who was her lover, but later threw her out … She's not been given much reason to hope for love or trust in other people, or expect them to trust her, or to think of how her actions affect other  people. I guess maybe she just found it too hard to be around you two without making a pass."

"Has she made a pass at you, then?" Monica asked in an interested way.

Phoebe grinned. "That's my secret.  Anyway, to get back to what Rachel was saying, yeah, maybe Pete should get some kind of warning not to get in too deep."

"It's hard to believe he could be serious about that slut, that tramp, that …" Monica was evidently searching for a word. 

"Floozie," Phoebe suggested brightly.

Monica pulled a face. "That is so last century, but okay, floozie. If you knew she was like this, Phoebe, why did you set my brother up with her?" The way she said "my brother" made it clear that she was in one of her protect-Ross moods.

"I didn't expect him to take it so seriously," said Phoebe simply. "I thought he'd just have some fun, which he needed. And I _certainly_ didn't expect him to pick her over Rachel, when he had a choice."

"Well, I hope he won't take this breakup too hard," said Rachel. "Monica, I think we must tell him, in case he starts pining."

"Yeah," said Monica, one eye on Phoebe, "tell him what kind of bitch she is."

Phoebe sighed even more deeply. "Yeah, she was a bitch to Ross, in the end. But you can't tell her she's wrong to behave like that, any more than you can tell Joey. It's like there's something missing."

"Well, she's your friend," said Rachel. "Maybe you should pass the word, it wouldn't be such a good idea for her to drop in at Central Perk." An idea suddenly struck her. "Um, do you suppose she engineered that whole fight with Ross?"

Phoebe looked glum. "I don't know much about that, but she's certainly capable of it. She can be such a good friend, you know. It makes me forget how she can be with her lovers – another way in which she's like Joey. Yeah, I'll pass the word."

Monica nodded and evidently decided to drop the subject. "You're up early, Rachel," she said enquiringly.

"I woke up, and couldn't stop thinking about this, and the Joanna business," Rachel explained. "I'm afraid I'm gonna pay for that – and it hasn't gotten me one step closer to Chandler."

"I wouldn't be so sure," said Phoebe. "He didn't look at all happy last night."

"Well, Janice was kind of mocking him as well as Joanna," Rachel said. "At least, you could take it like that. But she said, she hoped it might make him think. Anyway, can I go first in the shower, Mon?"

Monica smiled at her. "Go ahead. I'll get into your room and tidy things up while you're out of it."

Rachel smiled back at her and hurried to the bathroom. When she came out, to her surprise Ross was there, unusually early for him, and if Phoebe had seemed agitated, he seemed quite frantic.

"She called me from his apartment!" he was saying. "Just to gloat, I guess."

"Called you to say what?" Rachel asked.

"Why, to say she accepted we were through and not to worry about her, because she was with Pete now," said Ross wrathfully. "As if I would worry about her, the bitch!"

"Oh my God, that's awful!" said Rachel, really meaning it. "Oh, that appalling _slut_! Ross, I'm so sorry." She went and gave him a friendly hug.

"Oh boy, she's _really_ pissed," said Phoebe. "I'm sorry too, Ross." She patted him sympathetically.

"What has she got to be pissed about?" Ross growled.

"_You_ walked out on _her_, remember," said Rachel gently, unable to refrain from defending Bonnie on this one point. "You told us, when you came in drunk, it was you that said you were through. And all because she wouldn't support you over our great big fat breakup. But she has a right to have her own opinion on that."

"Huh, _naturally_ you'd support her, since she took your side," Ross grumbled, glaring at her.

Rachel tensed up with annoyance and opened her mouth to blast him, but then with something of an effort let herself deflate again. "We'll never agree on that," she said soberly. "But leaving that aside, in this case I'm backing you, because Bonnie _has_ been screwing around on you. At least, she made passes at both Mon and me before you got into that fight."

Ross gaped at her and Monica. "She did?"

"Well, sort of," said Monica. "She hinted, anyway, and she made herself pretty plain to Rachel."

"It's all my fault," said Phoebe rather dolefully. "I never should have set you two up together. But I didn't think you would go this far with her."

"Ross isn't like Joey," said Monica, suddenly getting up and going to hug him. "He may fool around for a little, but really he's always trying to find The One To Replace Carol, aren't you, Ross?"

Ross's face lightened. "Yeah, I guess," he said. "I thought I had, once." He looked at Rachel in a melancholy but also rather hopeful sort of way.

Rachel sighed. "I guess you don't remember," she said. "Well, you were pretty drunk. I told you then, it's all gone. I love you as a friend, but I'm sorry, I don't think we'll ever be lovers again."

Ross gulped, then made a patent effort to suggest that he didn't care. "Well, well, okay," he said in a throwaway manner. "I just thought … okay." Then he frowned. "You're not hoping you'll get anywhere with Chandler, are you? Not after last night?"

"I don't know," said Rachel. "But I do know that I really and truly am over you, Ross. It's not like it was before the beach house. Please accept that."

Ross sighed deeply and said no more. Then Joey and Chandler arrived, Chandler looking definitely uneasy and rather as if he had come against his will.

"Now, Chandler," said Joey, sternly for him. "You had something to say to Rachel, right?"

"Yeah," said Chandler unenthusiastically. He looked at Rachel with a rather shamefaced expression. "I, I'm sorry about Joanna's behaviour last night, Rachel. I was, um, thinking of coming in to talk to her about it today. I don't want her to take it out on you, what Janice did, I mean."

"That's okay, Chandler," said Rachel, pleased that he felt there was something to apologise for. "Why don't we go to my office together? You want some cereal?"

Chandler's face broke into a relieved smile. "Thanks for taking it like that. Yeah, can you get out some boxes? I'm not sure what treat for the tastebuds will take my fancy this morning."

They settled down to breakfast quite cheerfully. Even bringing Joey and Chandler up to date on the situation between Ross and Bonnie did not destroy the mood, because they both sympathised loudly with Ross, and this was good for his state of mind.

Finally Rachel and Chandler left together. Rachel enjoyed having someone to chat to as she went to work, and rather wished they could have gone on talking. When it transpired that Joanna had not arrived yet, she suggested that he stay, but he claimed he had a load of work and would come back in the lunch hour. He did, however, write out a note for Joanna, which he gave to Sophie. Rachel felt quite cheerful as she settled down to work.

Unfortunately, that mood was short-lived, for Joanna arrived looking thunderous. Before she could do more than bid them good morning in an icy voice, Sophie had jumped up and presented her with Chandler's note. She read it and frowned.

"Did you put him up to this?" she said abruptly to Rachel.

"Up to what?" said Rachel, who was able to display ignorance reasonably plausibly, since she had no idea precisely what Chandler had said. "I know he said he was going to come back in the lunch hour."

Joanna looked at her suspiciously. Rachel tried to return her gaze steadily. Presently Joanna snorted.

"Okay, let it go," she said. "But I'm warning you, Rachel: one wrong move …" She retired to her office.

Chandler arrived a little before they usually broke for lunch. Joanna welcomed him effusively, and shut the door firmly behind them. There was silence for a short while, while Rachel almost held her breath, expecting an explosion. Then unmistakable sounds of joyful dalliance began to be heard.

Rachel gritted her teeth. This was worse than hearing Joanna being all flirty with him on the phone.

Sophie looked at her sympathetically. "Want to grab some lunch?" she offered. "We could beat the rush." 

Grateful for her tactful suggestion of another motive to leave apart from Rachel's desperate need to get the hell out of there, Rachel accepted, and they went off to the delicatessen-cum-coffee bar where they often ate. When they left, Sophie stopped at the counter and bought a macaroon.

"Something for later?" said Rachel jokingly.

"It's for Joanna," said Sophie. "I keep hoping, some day she'll respond nicely."

Rachel shook her head, but said nothing, respecting Sophie's feelings as Sophie had respected hers. When they returned, Joanna was locking her door. 

"Hi!" said Sophie brightly. "I brought you back a macaroon."

"Oh great!" said Joanna derisively. "I'll keep it in my butt with your nose." Grabbing the cookie from Sophie, she marched out. Sophie looked downcast.

"That's weird," said Rachel, "she locked the door."

Sophie explained that she was working on the Christmas bonus list.

A wicked thought occurred to Rachel. She revealed that Mark had given her a key to Joanna's office, and they agreed that they would like to sneak a peek. But when Rachel unlocked the door, they were confronted with the sight of a half-naked Chandler, handcuffed to a chair. Both gasped as he stared at them in shock.

"Chandler!" Rachel cried in profound irritation. "What the hell's going on?"

"She, um, had to go see her boss, and she cuffed me for, er fun," he said.

"But what happened to your pants?" she snapped. "Your fooling around with her got that far?"

"Well, um, yeah," he admitted. "Look, can you just go out and leave me? She said she'd be back in ten minutes."

"Fine!" she snapped. "Come on, Sophie, let's leave the dope to it."

She locked the door again and flopped down in her chair, but instead of getting on with work she just stared ahead of herself broodingly. She did not know what Chandler might have said to Joanna, but it did not seem to have done anything to the relationship between them. She could not seem to get her mind off the thought of the two of them together; it was tormenting her. She did not even notice that Sophie had also been sitting at her desk thinking for a while, and then had got up and gone off somewhere. Vaguely she heard the phone go in Joanna's office and Chandler's voice, raised in some alarm. Then her own buzzer went, from the office.

"What?" she snapped into the phone.

"Look, can we talk?" he said. "She said she's been delayed, she could be a couple of hours. She's driving away in her boss's car!" There was an unmistakable note of near-panic in his voice.

"Okay," she said resignedly, and unlocked the door again.

"Please unlock me," he begged. "The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door."

She went to get them, but then something occurred to her. "When she sees that you're gone," she said slowly, "she's gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and I'm gonna get fired! I'm not supposed to have a key. I can't do it, Chandler. You got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them."

Just as Chandler was babbling some gag about her confusing him with the Amazing Chandler, Sophie returned, carrying one of the small Polaroid cameras used for taking quick cheap shots that could be used and then thrown away.

"I think I have the answer to the problem," she said. "Now, Chandler, I promise we will let you out, but you have to be photographed first."

"Photographed? What for?" he said in alarm.

"I think the big bosses would take a dim view of Joanna fooling around with someone in her office, in working hours," said Sophie, with a rather wicked smile. "Some photoes will be grand blackmail material."

"Ooh yes!" cried Rachel, catching on fast. "Ooh, that's brilliant, Sophie! Chandler, you absolutely must do this."

Chandler looked dubious. "You think it'll work? Suppose she just admits it? You two get fired, Rachel for having a key and Sophie for trying blackmail."

Rachel felt worried, but Sophie shook her head. "I've been here a while," she said. "I know how things work. Believe me, there are some who will push to get her thrown out. She's not made herself popular, you know. And she loves her job; she would do almost anything to keep it."

Chandler still looked doubtful. Rachel sighed with pretended sorrow. "If you won't do this, I guess we'll have to leave you here, for however long it takes. Mind you don't pee on her floor."

"That was mean," Chandler cried. "I wasn't thinking about needing to pee until you mentioned it!" He nodded his head, looking doleful. "Okay, I'll do it."

Sophie took several shots, making sure that it was clear that Chandler was in his boxers, and then Rachel unlocked him. He ran to his pants and hurriedly put them on, glancing at the two as if afraid they would cuff him again.

"Relax, Chandler," said Rachel, amused. "We had a deal, and we're gonna stick to it. I, um, guess you won't want this story told to our friends?"

"God, no," he groaned. "Joey would never let me hear the end of it. Well, good luck with Joanna."

When Joanna returned, a good deal later, she unlocked the door and found Chandler gone. Her shocked exclamation was too much for Rachel, who burst out giggling, quickly joined by Sophie. A furious Joanna appeared in the doorway.

"Rachel, what is the meaning of this?" she said. "Do you have a key to this door? Did you let Chandler go? I can't think of any other way it could happen. All right, you're fired."

"Oh no, she isn't," said Sophie coolly. "But if a picture of Chandler cuffed to the chair and without his pants was to be circulated among senior management, then the person who put him there would likely be fired, wouldn't she?"

"You can't prove it!" Joanna cried, looking alarmed. "I could say, you brought him in here and faked it up."

"The cuffs could be fingerprinted," said Sophie. "Okay, they'll probably find Rachel's prints, but they'll find yours as well, and how will you explain that? By the way … the cuffs are hidden where you won't find them."

Joanna glared at them, totally at a loss. "And Chandler went along with this, this blackmail?" she said finally.

"He didn't _like_ being left in cuffs," Rachel explained. "But I guess you can try to make it up to him. So – are we okay about this? If you say nothing, of course we won't."

"And … that's all?" said Joanna, looking at them with sudden apprehension. "I can't believe that's all."

"Not quite all," said Sophie. "In return for my silence, I want one thing: that you should stop putting me down all the time, and be nice. Of course, I'll be the judge of whether I think you're being nasty or not, so maybe you should be extra-nice, to be on the safe side." She smiled an evil little smile at Joanna.

"Er … of course, Sophie," Joanna stammered. "I, er, do appreciate your work, you know."

"That's good," said Sophie. "Now, just in case you get any _really_ foolish ideas – both of us have a set of the shots we took, and you don't know which of us has the cuffs. And tempting as the prospect is, we're not gonna abuse this, are we, Rachel?" Her look at Rachel was quite sharp. "No pushing for time off in the middle of the day, or unexplained raises, or stuff like that. And you should give me that key to the office, because the knowledge that you have it gives us both something on you."

"Wow!" said Rachel, getting the key out and handing it over. "Sophie, you're a lot smarter than I thought."

Sophie smiled. "I've been waiting for a chance like this for a while. Now maybe we should all get on with some work."

"Right, right," said Joanna, almost humbly, and vanished into her office, shutting the door firmly. About half an hour later she opened it again. It looked as if she had been crying.

"You can tell Chandler I never want to see him again," she said curtly to Rachel, and shut the door again.


	13. In Which Several Couples Form, Expectedl...

Chapter 13: In Which Several Couples Form, Expectedly and Unexpectedly

Author's Note: Deepest regrets that this has taken so long to update. I meant to write more while flying to and from a conference in Athens, but one way and another that just didn't happen.

Some of the lines Richard says below draw on his meeting with Monica in 6,23.

-----

"That's it, huh?" said Chandler dolefully. "No regretful but fond farewell, no 'it was great while it lasted' or anything, just, she never wants to see me again? That's all she wrote?"

He was sitting with Rachel in Central Perk in the early evening, and she was passing on Joanna's last words.

"I'm sorry, honey," she said, looking at him sympathetically. "Part of it was, she was upset about Sophie shafting her so neatly, I guess, and you were mixed up in that, so I guess she wasn't thinking good thoughts about you."

"Well, it's not the end of the world," he said a bit heavily. "I mean, she was fun, but … I don't think we could have gone on, not after Janice's performance. You know, that kinda surprised me. Why did she set out to antagonise Joanna that way?"

"I think she, um, didn't like Joanna making it so obvious that you were with her, in a way that was, um, aimed at me," said Rachel, a bit uncertain how Chandler would take this.

"That's what she was doing?" said Chandler in surprise.

How blind men can be to what's going on, Rachel thought. 

Chandler's face changed suddenly. "Why should Joanna think you'd care?" he said slowly. Then he sat bolt upright, looking excited. "Rachel, please be honest with me. When we kissed that time, I thought you might really care for me. But then you seemed to go back to being just friendly, like we always were. Do you," he seemed to dry up, swallowed, then continued with a resolute look, "do you have feelings for me?"

"Boy, you _have _started being upfront with us," said Rachel lightly. "Straight to the point, first with Monica, and now me. Well, actually, Chandler … to tell you the truth …" – she smiled at him softly as he sat forward on the edge of his seat, clearly desperate to know the answer – "I sort of do."

"You do?" he said, reaching forward to take her hands. "You really do?"

She nodded. "It hurt a _lot_, when I heard you were with Joanna. That's when I knew for sure."

"So … can we date?" he said, his eyes now showing blazing eagerness. "Please may I take you on a date?"

"Chandler, of course you can," she said, her smile growing to a beam. "I guess we'd better wait for the others, but … I have no plans for the evening."

Chandler got up and moved to sit next to her on the couch, putting an arm around her affectionately. She snuggled against him, suddenly feeling an intense rush of happiness. She did not for the moment care whether this would go anywhere in the long term. She had something that she had been wanting badly.

Observing them, Gunther winced slightly. He had been trying to adapt to the idea of a world in which Rachel could not conceivably become interested in him, so it did not hurt as much as it would have done once. But it still hurt.

Chandler and Rachel had just got comfortable when Janice entered Central Perk. Looking around, she saw them and seemed to freeze for a moment. Rachel thought she saw a look of pain in her eyes and made to move away from Chandler, but he clung onto her and Janice shook her head vigorously.

"No, no, Rachel, you stay _right_ where you are," she cried. "You look good together." She advanced to stand in front of them, smiling in an indulgent sort of way. "I see that Joanna is _out_, and you are _in_."

"Well, yeah," said Rachel, rather embarrassed.

"Was it because of what I did?" said Janice, sitting down opposite them. "Because I came to apologise to Chandler for that, for putting him on the _spot_. But I was so _mad_! It was all directed at her, not at you, Chandler, I swear."

Chandler smiled a little and nodded. "The breakup with Joanna was … more complicated," he said. "But thanks for the apology. I can always use them."

Janice did a brief rendition of her laugh. "You always did like your little _jokes_. Well, enquiring minds want to know … do I get to hear all the _gory details_?" She opened her eyes wide and raised her eyebrows in a parody of unbearable curiosity.

Rachel could not help laughing. "Go on, Chandler, tell her," she sputtered. "It's quite funny, really."

Chandler smiled in a slightly strained way. "You do it – but keep it short, okay?"

Eagerly Rachel leaned forward. She had been longing to tell the whole story to someone. "Well, Janice, it was like this …"

Joey was next to enter Central Perk, at a moment when Janice was showing her delight at the denouement of Rachel's story by throwing her head back in a full-throated laugh. This was not of the usual machinegun variety, but a rich chuckle that was curiously attractive. But Joey had already realised something: if you could get past the voice and the laugh and the mannerisms, Janice herself was attractive. Grinning, he advanced.

"Hi there, Janice!" he said cheerfully, then, leaning in with a more intimate tone, "How _you_ doin'?"

"Joey!" cried Rachel and Chandler reproachfully, but Janice did not seem bothered. She returned Joey's look with bright-eyed boldness.

"Joey, I'm doin' jest _fine_," she said in an 'out West' accent, then, in her own voice, "you wanna get a coffee and cookie or something? I'll buy."

"Great," said Joey enthusiastically. "Come up to the counter and let's see what's on offer."

Chandler looked after them with open mouth. "Joey and _Janice_?" he breathed to Rachel. "Wonders will never cease."

"Well, I hope she isn't building any long term hopes on it," said Rachel. "But on Joey's side, it's not so surprising. He really seemed to take to her after she did her number on Joanna."

"The fallout from that episode has been entirely positive, so far," said Chandler, smiling at her fondly and taking her hand.

Presently, Joey and Janice came back, Joey with a plate piled high with goodies, Janice with two big cups of coffee. She sat at the other end of the couch from Chandler and Rachel, Joey in the chair next to her, and they proceeded to lay into the goodies together, already giving each other fairly intimate-looking glances.

For a while, Rachel was content to relax and enjoy being next to Chandler, but her mind refused to go into neutral. Finally she made a decision.

"Janice, come to the restroom with me," she said. "I'd like your advice on something."

Looking rather mystified, Janice followed her willingly enough.

When they got there, Rachel turned. "That was just a blind. Look, Janice, you do know what you're getting into if you get mixed up with Joey, don't you?" She tried to look as serious as possible. "He's incapable of staying interested in the same woman for more than about two weeks – a month, tops. And, and, well, I don't want you to be hurt, not after what you did for me with Joanna."

Janice beamed at her. "Thanks for worrying about me, sweetheart. But don't trouble yourself, I know _exactly _what I'm getting into. Lorraine is my friend, remember? She gave a very good report of Joey, and I'm thinking, well, if he's interested, why not have a little _fun_, which in my case is definitely _overdue_?" She winked.

Rachel could not help it; she just had to hug her. "It's so good I'm getting to know you properly," she said to a surprised but pleased-looking Janice. "You go at life head on, don't you, to get as much out of it as you can? Just promise me one thing: if you let it get that far, take Joey back to your place. It might upset Chandler if you were next door, even though it's over between you, and now he's interested in me."

"I will _certainly_ do that," said Janice, grinning broadly and returning the hug with interest.

They returned to the main room, to see a startling sight. Bonnie was standing there with Pete in front of Joey and Chandler, who were looking most uneasy.

"Hi, Rachel, Janice!" she said vivaciously. "I just thought I'd drop by and say hello."

Rachel sighed as she approached and took a deep breath. "Bonnie, didn't Phoebe get in touch with you?" she said in a tone that came out as exasperated.

"Um, yeah," said Bonnie, suddenly looking wary. "Look, I know you may be feeling a little mad at me right now, but – "

"A _little_ mad?" Rachel exploded. "Bonnie, what you did to Ross was _unpardonable_! Okay, so you felt aggrieved about the way you split up. But you know perfectly well – and now he knows, too – you were already losing interest and trying to set up other stuff behind his back!"

Bonnie went pale. "Rachel, for God's sake," she stammered. "_Please _don't say any more about that." Involuntarily, so it seemed, she darted an apprehensive glance at Pete beside her. His expression remained totally inscrutable.

Rachel savoured the moment, on Ross's behalf, but decided that she had said enough – or almost enough. "I'm sorry, Pete," she said, turning to him, "but Bonnie's not welcome here any more." She heard Bonnie give a little gasp.

Pete nodded. "Okay, I understand. Give my regards to Monica, and tell her I'll drop in some night for a meal, so she can put up a _Le patron mange ici_ sign if she likes." He grinned. "She'll let Bonnie in, won't she, if I pay for her?"

"Well, I guess so," said Rachel, rather taken aback at his casual attitude. After all, he had just heard general but clear references to Bonnie's bad behaviour towards a previous boyfriend. Had he not understood? She looked at him worriedly.

"Fine," said Pete. "Bonnie, would you wait for me by the door? I just have a word to say to these folks that's not for your ears."

To Rachel's surprise, Bonnie meekly obeyed him, with a backward glance at Rachel that seemed to show pain. Pete looked around them when she was out of earshot and grinned widely.

"Don't worry, I know _precisely_ what I'm getting into with Bonnie," he said. "But she will do very well, for now." He might have been speaking of an automobile, serviceable but not really what he wanted. "You don't begrudge me a little fun, to help me get over Monica, do you?"

"Oh Pete, had you really fallen for Monica again?" said Rachel sympathetically.

He shook his head. "I might have done, if Richard Burke had not shown up almost immediately. It's easy to see, she's far more interested in him than in me, though she tried to hide it that night. I'm not bitter; I hope it works out for her. See you again some time."

He nodded and walked briskly to the door. Rachel noticed how submissively Bonnie seemed to act towards him and completely revised her mental picture of the relationship. It no longer seemed very likely that she had seduced him, even if it had appeared that way to Phoebe; rather, he seemed almost to have commandeered her.

As she watched them, Bonnie threw her a last glance through the window that seemed to show real regret. Despite herself, Rachel gave her a marginally friendly nod and wave. Bonnie could have made a friend, she thought, and years from now, she might be happy to meet her again, but at present she felt too mad to want to see her any time soon.

It could not have been more than thirty second later that Ross and Phoebe walked in.

"We just passed Pete and Bonnie!" Phoebe cried. "Boy, did she look down. What happened? Had they been in here?"

Before anyone else could speak, Janice said, "Yeah, and Rachel sent her about her business _very_ smartly. You may find this hard to believe, Ross, but Rachel must think highly of you, to be so mad on your behalf."

Ross beamed at Rachel, but his beam faltered when he took in how close she and Chandler were to each other.

"Have you, um …?" he said tentatively, looking at Chandler.

"Yeah, sorry, man," said Chandler, exuding self-satisfaction. "We're gonna date."

"Oh wow, that's so great!" cried Phoebe, almost jumping up and down in excitement. "At last you've got together." She turned to Janice. "Hi, Janice, and how are you?"

Janice smiled in a very relaxed way and sang, "I've got to admit, it's getting better, a little better all the time …" She glanced at Joey in an affectionate and also slightly possessive way. Phoebe followed the direction of her glance and giggled.

"Suddenly, love is all around," she said. "Well, I wonder how Monica is doing?"

-----

It was the best part of three hours later that a waitress told Monica that a customer wanted to compliment the chef.

"Bring 'em on!" cried Monica ebulliently. She was still on a complete high from being boss of her own restaurant, with a friendly and competent staff, and was hyped up even further by the fact that the restaurant had been almost as full all evening as on her first night.

The "customer" proved to be Richard. Her heart seemed to jump in her chest, and she could feel herself flush deeply, as he smiled his old loving smile at her. She reached back to steady herself on the counter; her knees seemed to have lost all power to hold her up.

"That was a great meal," he said, "though anything you cooked would be great. But that's not what I came here to say." he paused, looking suddenly serious.

"What did you come here to say?" she croaked.

"That I still love you. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I have ever done, by a considerable margin. After meeting you again, and taking you home last night, I knew that if I didn't tell you I'd regret it for the rest of my life."

"B-but, but, _but_," she stammered, "you know why we broke up. Have you," she swallowed, "changedyourmind?" she shot out in a rush. Please please please let him say yes, she prayed to the god she sometimes believed in, and never more strongly than now.

Richard looked at her gravely, then a broad smile spread across his face. "Yes," he said simply. "I want to have kids with you."

Monica could not help it; she burst into tears. Immediately others began to converge on her from all over the kitchen.

"I'm all right, I'm all right!" she cried, then "Oh _Richard!_" She flung herself into his arms, laid her head on his chest, and spent a moment of bliss in his embrace, feeling home at last, where she felt safe and protected and right. Then she recalled her responsibilities, and pulled away gently.

"The evening's not over," she said, "but I should be out of here in an hour."

"Make that half an hour, at most," said the head waitress from the doorway, beaming at her. "All the main course orders are in, and we'll be able to handle the rest on our own."

Monica looked around, to see faces smiling at her everywhere.

"We could see how much he meant to you yesterday," said a sous-chef.

Monica looked at Richard appealingly. "I don't know how you're gonna take this, after all the fuss I've made. But now I've started with my own restaurant I'm not in such a hurry to have children any more. Can we wait a year or so?"

Richard just went on smiling. "No problem. We've got to get married first, anyway, and I'd like to have you to myself for a while, before I hear the patter of tiny feet again. But we shouldn't leave it too long; I'm not getting any younger."

Monica swung on his arm, gazing into his eyes, as excited as a teenager. "I don't know how I'll get to sleep tonight."

His smile deepened. "I could do something about that."

She could not stop smiling. "Okay, so, you'll wait for me? Order anything you like, on the house. I'll be out just as soon as I can, I promise."

"I'd wait for you for ever," he said, bending down and brushing her lips with his.

The kitchen staff sighed in unison.

-----

Rather later that evening, as she sat in the apartment with Chandler, Phoebe and Ross, Rachel received an ecstatic but barely coherent call from Monica. She made out that Monica was at Richard's and not to be expected home that night.

"Oh _great!_" she cried with maximum enthusiasm, jumping up and punching the air. "Mon, I'm so pleased for you! Guys, Monica's back with Richard!"

A united cheer greeted this announcement. More babbling was heard from the phone.

"Yeah, we're all here except Joey," Rachel said. "He's off with, guess who – Janice! And I'm, um, well, I've sort of hooked up with Chandler."

A delighted shriek came from the phone, causing Rachel to wince and hold it away from her, looking at it reproachfully. Then the babbling resumed.

"Okay, Mon, yeah, tell me in the morning," said Rachel, attempting to stem the flow. "Yeah … yeah … _yeah_. See you then."

She put the phone down and beamed at everyone. "Richard's changed his mind about kids, but she's gonna run the restaurant for a while before starting a family."

"That's great," said Ross sincerely. "Well, Pheebs, it looks like you and me are the ones left on the shelf." His grin belied these gloomy words. "But actually, I have a date tomorrow with Cheryl, a _very_ cute blonde Cenozoic specialist who's studying in the Museum. I've invited her to dinner."

"I can get a date any time I want," Phoebe riposted smartly. "And I can get _you_ a date too. Just you remember that, Ross Geller."

"But not another like Bonnie," said Chandler mischievously.

"No," Phoebe agreed, grinning, "not like Bonnie, unless _specifically_ requested."

"Well, let's see how things go with Cheryl first," said Ross. "I have considerable hopes there."

"What's Seenozonkic, anyway?" Rachel asked. "And if you're a cute blonde, why should you bother studying it?"

Ross smiled at her genially. "Cenozoic, Rach. It's the recent period geologically, when mammals became the dominant creatures, the modern continents formed, all that. And as for why study it, well, people just get interested in things – even cute blondes. And if you're smart enough, you can get taken on at a university to do a doctorate, like Cheryl."

Rachel shook her head in apparent amazement. "And what will she do after that?"

"Try for a position in a university department or a museum, like me, I guess."

"Do they appoint cute blondes?" Rachel pursued, showing considerable scepticism.

"If they're smart enough, and look like being good teachers and researchers, and impress the appointing panel, sure," said Ross. "Come on, Rach, you don't think _all_ university and museum people are unattractive geeks, do you? I'll bet there were some professors who looked hot to you when you were at the U."

"Um, yeah," said Rachel, blushing a little. "Okay, point taken." Rather quickly, so it seemed, she turned the conversation elsewhere.

Ross grinned to himself. He suspected Rachel might have had a liaison with one of her professors, the way she reacted, but he was not going to try to ferret out her secret. He sat back in relaxation, thinking how he was going to have fun showing off Cheryl to the gang. She had to be the most attractive woman he had ever dated, except perhaps Rachel. For a moment he felt a little melancholy. It was going to be hard getting used to the idea that there might not even be the possibility of Rachel any more. Because if Chandler had any sense, he would hold onto her very tightly indeed, and he would have learned from Ross's own mistakes. It was slightly harder to imagine Rachel sticking with Chandler, but by no means impossible, if Chandler could get over his commitment phobia. He had practice at that, with Janice.

He felt eyes upon him, and looked up to see Phoebe, grinning gently. She leaned forward and said quietly, "If the worst comes to the worst, we can always marry each other if we're still single at forty."

"You'd marry me, a committed scientist?" he said, honestly amazed.

"As long as you didn't beat me over the head with your beliefs … yeah," she said. "You have a lot going for you, Ross, if you'd only realise it. I wouldn't have hung around with you and Monica and Chandler if I didn't think highly of you all, despite your faults." She grinned. "And I know I have a few of my own. Good luck with Cheryl, anyway."

"Yeah, I think she'll mark an interesting new departure for me," he said. "Someone I don't really know at all, when I'd known Rachel all my life, and Julie from grad school. I can't help suspecting she'll have a few surprises in store for me."

-----

Author's Note: And that seems as good a place to end as any. For anyone who doesn't know/remember, Cheryl is the "dirty girl" of Episode 4,6. But don't feel sad for Ross; I'm sure he will find someone in his own good time, and the others too – even Joey! I don't want to answer whether he will find something in Janice that has eluded him with other women, whether Chandler and Rachel will endure as a couple, or whether Gunther will find happiness. But I do firmly predict that in this Friends continuum, Monica and Richard will get married and havechildren, and that Richard will live to a healthy and vigorous old age under Monica's loving care.


End file.
